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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fall out with Friend over tent!

55 replies

MJ1995 · 13/07/2021 17:44

Just wondering if Im being Unreasonable here...

My friend, her sister, cousin and 2 dogs are doing NC500 later this year and asked to borrow one of our tents... Which I did say should be fine but when I spoke to my husband (whos tents they are!) he said No to our 6 man tent due to it being brand new and we havent had a chance to use it but did offer our 4 man tent but only if they make sure it doesn't come back smelling of weed (which the sister smokes potent weed). I grew up in a house surrounded by the smell of weed and its a trigger but also we are carers and have social workers visiting our home so do not want an item of ours smelling of weed.

Anyway I messaged saying I couldnt loan the 6 manwith the sitting area but could loan the 4 man as long as I had reassurances no weed would be smoked around the tent. I got a reply saying for my information they are in a campsite (not info I had) so wouldnt be smoking weed near the tent. I asked her to please see it from both sides and remember my history with weed. She took a screen shot and when I said If shes going to moan thats fine she said she was glad I agreed....

Now I dont think im being unreasonable because I know of quite a few occasions as told by my friend that she smokes when she isnt supposed too because of her moods they give in alot... I told my friend I felt she was being extremely nasty when I simply asked her to make sure it didnt smell... I feel like if she thought I was being cautious for nothing she would have said of course I understand ill make sure we look after your property rather than getting nasty about it...

Please tell me im not being unreasonable

OP posts:

freelions · 13/07/2021 17:47

YANBU at all

Its always best to make your expectations clear. I wouldn't lend out something to a friend if it was going to come back smelling of weed (or cigarette smoke for that matter)

Heyyeahyouwiththesadface · 13/07/2021 17:50

You asked her not to smoke weed
She said they wouldn’t

I’m not sure why any more needed to be said after that tbh. Yes you are doing her a favour but if it’s done so so grudgingly its bound to create bad feeling. Next time just say no.

Standrewsschool · 13/07/2021 17:50

You are not being u reasonable.

What will you do if it does come back smelling of weed?

BumbleMug · 13/07/2021 17:51

YANBU… and if someone snaps at me for making a fair request when I’m doing them a huge favour, I’d tell them to find a tent elsewhere and that you were no longer lending yours.

She’s taking you for a mug.

Plus heavy weed smokers stink so I’d say no anyway.

AmyDudley · 13/07/2021 17:56

I don't think you are U to not want your tent to smell of weed, or to ask for them not to smoke round the tent, but I'm confused about where the fall out is?

She took a screen shot and when I said If shes going to moan thats fine she said she was glad I agreed....

I don't understand this bit of your post - why did she take a screen shot ?

Is she still borrowing the tent or not ?

BikeRunSki · 13/07/2021 17:59

I wouldn’t be lending her the tent.
I don’t lend out camping equipment anymore, since a tent cane back with cigarette holes in.

Original poster

MJ1995 · 13/07/2021 18:03

@Standrewsschool - If I had loaned the tent and it came back smelling of weed we would have binned it, Both myself and my husband cant stand the smell we would have to have bought a new one.

@AmyDudley the fall out is the fact I asked her that if the borrowed the tent she would make sure no weed was smoked around it. She took a screenshot probably to moan to her sister that I had said I get that she was mad at me for mentioning the weed but this is something that was a concern for me!

Thank you everyone for reassuring me! Weve been friends for 14 years and Ive always been there esp when shes moaning about her sisters drug use! I even advised her where was doing a big camping sale so she could get a tent cheaper but I dont think she realises both our tents cost us over £300!

OP posts:

AmyDudley · 13/07/2021 18:03

I'm sure there was another thread recently about someone wanting to borrow a posters brand new expensive tent, and IIRC they said know and were accused by friend of being mean/unreasonable etc.

There seems to something about tents that make people think they should be lent them, when they wouldn't ask to borrow any other piece of equipment that cost hundreds of pounds.

BingBongToTheMoon · 13/07/2021 18:03

@BumbleMug

YANBU… and if someone snaps at me for making a fair request when I’m doing them a huge favour, I’d tell them to find a tent elsewhere and that you were no longer lending yours.

She’s taking you for a mug.

Plus heavy weed smokers stink so I’d say no anyway.

I was going to say the same….if she’s being arset then she’s getting nothing!

AmyDudley · 13/07/2021 18:04

Ah I get you now OP YANBU.

BrilliantBetty · 13/07/2021 18:05

Don't lend it you clearly don't think you can trust her with this. She'll find one from someone else or buy her own.

I also think tents are not a good thing to lend to anyone because different people have different expectations (would wear shoes in side, don't sweep out etc .. and tents are easily damaged and can be ruined if not put away / dried properly

Notaroadrunner · 13/07/2021 18:06

I'd just tell her that after thinking about it some more you cannot lend her the tent.

1forAll74 · 13/07/2021 18:09

I would not mind dogs in the tent, but would object to weed stench. the smell clings onto material stuff for ages, even in the fresh air.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 13/07/2021 18:10

You should have just said no.

QueenBee52 · 13/07/2021 18:13

@Notaroadrunner

I'd just tell her that after thinking about it some more you cannot lend her the tent.

me too 🌸

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/07/2021 18:24

The problem is that instead of thanking you for doing a favour and assuring you that she had no intention of letting the sister smoke weed anywhere near the tent - she's responded with snappy sarcasm and screenshotted your request which you feel means she's sharing to complain.
I think, as she is already being so arsey about it you have nothing to lose by texting back
"I really thought you'd appreciate the fact that I am doing you a favour by lending you a decent tent and that you would assure me you'd take care of it. Instead you reply with sarcasm. If you can't assure me you will return the tent in good condition, without being sarcastic about it, then I am sorry the offer is withdrawn. .

Muchmorethan · 13/07/2021 18:25

How did u know she took a screenshot?

UnGoogled · 13/07/2021 18:26

I am precious about camping gear and don't lend it to anyone. Problem solved.

Original poster

MJ1995 · 13/07/2021 18:28

Thank you everyone. She came back with a big spiel about not trusting her and how could I when were meant to be friends and how its such double standards and im judging her sister for something thats not upto her. Whenever I tried to reply I kept getting hit with "Dont bother replying I know who my real friends are" "You would loan to anyone else but have an issue with us" which isnt actually the case I only considered loaning to her because she was a very long term friend and I would never have loaned to anyone else! Ive ended up blocking her as horrible as I feel for it but it was a simple request (as far as im concerned) and Im not spending my evening being verbally abused because she thinks im the arsehole. Thank you all you all really made me feel i wasnt beint unreasonable! If she wants to give up a friendship over a tent so be it!

OP posts:

Original poster

MJ1995 · 13/07/2021 18:30

@1forAll74 dogs we dont mind as we have our own dog but smoking of anyform is a no no! Tents pick up all smells!

@Muchmorethan it was over snapchat so it tells you ite been screenshotted

OP posts:

isitsummertimeyet · 13/07/2021 18:31

@MJ1995

if she claims she knows who her real friends are then maybe they can be the ones to let them borrow a tent instead of you :/

Wearywithteens · 13/07/2021 18:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Wearywithteens · 13/07/2021 18:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 13/07/2021 18:33

All sounds a bit intentse...

billy1966 · 13/07/2021 18:37

@BumbleMug

YANBU… and if someone snaps at me for making a fair request when I’m doing them a huge favour, I’d tell them to find a tent elsewhere and that you were no longer lending yours.

She’s taking you for a mug.

Plus heavy weed smokers stink so I’d say no anyway.

Why would you even think of saying yes having not consulted your husband about HIS property.

I think that was very rude of you.

I wouldn't trust your friend to do what's been agreed.

What are you going to do when the tent comes back in a state smelly of weed?

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