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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fall out with Friend over tent!

55 replies

MJ1995 · 13/07/2021 17:44

Just wondering if Im being Unreasonable here...

My friend, her sister, cousin and 2 dogs are doing NC500 later this year and asked to borrow one of our tents... Which I did say should be fine but when I spoke to my husband (whos tents they are!) he said No to our 6 man tent due to it being brand new and we havent had a chance to use it but did offer our 4 man tent but only if they make sure it doesn't come back smelling of weed (which the sister smokes potent weed). I grew up in a house surrounded by the smell of weed and its a trigger but also we are carers and have social workers visiting our home so do not want an item of ours smelling of weed.

Anyway I messaged saying I couldnt loan the 6 manwith the sitting area but could loan the 4 man as long as I had reassurances no weed would be smoked around the tent. I got a reply saying for my information they are in a campsite (not info I had) so wouldnt be smoking weed near the tent. I asked her to please see it from both sides and remember my history with weed. She took a screen shot and when I said If shes going to moan thats fine she said she was glad I agreed....

Now I dont think im being unreasonable because I know of quite a few occasions as told by my friend that she smokes when she isnt supposed too because of her moods they give in alot... I told my friend I felt she was being extremely nasty when I simply asked her to make sure it didnt smell... I feel like if she thought I was being cautious for nothing she would have said of course I understand ill make sure we look after your property rather than getting nasty about it...

Please tell me im not being unreasonable

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 13/07/2021 18:37

Good on you for Blocking the stupid woman ... you were not remotely being unreasonable 🌸

2bazookas · 13/07/2021 18:37

People who don't own a tent perhaps don't understand how expensive they are and how easy it is to damage them. badly enough to make it unusable.

MsFogi · 13/07/2021 18:40

I never lend out camping equipment. So YANBU OP.

Manista · 13/07/2021 18:41

I never lend my tents! A 4 man tent will be cramped for 3 adults and two dogs anyway. Don't lend it and in future don't lend DH's stuff without asking first Grin

QueenBee52 · 13/07/2021 18:44

me either...

it's a lesson learnt too 🌸

Saracen · 13/07/2021 18:47

Sounds like a win all round.

You get to keep both tents in good condition.

Your ex-friend gets to borrow a lovely expensive large tent from one of her fictitious real friends who won't insinuate that her dopehead sister is a dopehead.

TheRebelle · 13/07/2021 19:15

Well done for blocking, the lady doth protest too much I think, she was fully planning on smoking in it otherwise she’d just say okay, we won’t smoke near it.

Original poster
MJ1995 · 13/07/2021 20:20

@billy1966 the 6 man is both our tent, The 4 man is his personal tent. Hes normally quite happy to help people out but said no to the 6 man as we havent used it yet and offered the 4 man he offered up as long as I made it clear no weed smoking near it. I wouldnt say rude he offers up my things all the time! Its just something we do if our friends need a help! As for the tent after that reaction shes no longer a friend and the tent or anything else isnt going near them!

Thank you every one. When I blocked I said it was because something nasty was going to be said and there would be no returning from it! Well a text came through telling me what a horrid person I am and how im a bad carer and will be a terrible mother (Not sure how not wanting my property smelling of weed would makes me a bad carer/parent).How im such a nasty friend . Well that was the nasty thing I wanted to avoid and from that il never forgive her. A 15 year friendship gone over a tent its sad but im glad im seeing her true colours before I have a child! Thank you all again for reassuring me Im not the bad one!

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 13/07/2021 21:03

She sounds unreasonably furious about a tent ... so much so that she's lashing out and making horrible statements that can never be taken back..

Very stupid ... you did the right thing in blocking her and closing the door on her 🌸

30degreesandmeltinghere · 13/07/2021 21:11

She sounds unpegged...

ConsuelaHammock · 13/07/2021 21:12

She sounds unhinged. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

billy1966 · 13/07/2021 21:18

Sounds like she has been smoking the whacky backy a bit too much!

What a twat.

Tents are an absolute disaster to loan to those who aren't experienced and might pack them away without due care.

Best not to loan anything you value.

TheRebelle · 13/07/2021 21:21

She sounds crazy, you offered her a tent (which would cost her ££££ to buy) and asked she doesn’t smoke weed in it because you know she smokes weed and this makes you a bad carer and potential mother? Well I’m sure as soon as she explains all that to the social workers they’ll agree with her wholeheartedly 🙄

Howshouldibehave · 13/07/2021 21:25

I’m astounded that a 15 year friendship would end over this! She been absolutely fine for all these years and now this? Were there honestly no signs before this that she had a really bitchy unreasonable side to her?!

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 13/07/2021 21:29

Our tent cost a fortune. I’d not lend it to anyone and my DH would definitely not lend it to anyone. He has let my friends and I stay in it a few times without him but he came and set it up and also came and took it down.

Original poster
MJ1995 · 13/07/2021 21:39

@Howshouldibehave she goes through periods with her family and Im always there to support her. We have bickered over the years but more recently its always shes the victim. Now If i jump to conclusions and ask other people if im being unreasonable I will go back and apologise but she wont. We didnt speak for a few weeks last year because I felt the only time she got in touch was when something went wrong and it was more I was someone to moan to than a friend. She brings up all the things she done for me and how unreasonable I am but seems to forget all the times Ive consoled her as well. As i said it was always she was the victim and I was never the "bully" whereas now this is a direct attack. Ive always been available day and night even when shes been upset about her sisters drug use yet when I raised a concern Im the bully. I think had she not said I would be a bad carer and mother that I would have forgiven after a few weeks of not talking but the next time she tries to contact me after a bad day I wont be there!

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 13/07/2021 22:19

She's a stupid cunt and you're well rid.

QueenBee52 · 13/07/2021 22:29

@1FootInTheRave

She's a stupid cunt and you're well rid.

🤣😂🤣

I love mumsnet 🤣

Original poster
MJ1995 · 13/07/2021 22:34

@QueenBee52 me too 😂 My sister has been saying alot of things along the same line as @1FootInTheRave 😂😂 I feel alot better that I know im not being unreasonable! She had a cheek to say "I hope in time youll see how unreasonable you are and that I am being reasonable here" 😂😂 well when I think I have more people reassuring me that its the other way around!

OP posts:
MadameMonk · 13/07/2021 23:13

Sometimes it’s really tempting to say ‘Well 1000’s of folk on Mumsnet don’t think I’m being unreasonable, and when I spelt out what you’ve been saying they said ‘get rid’ en masse.’ But don’t.

And remember, it wasn’t a ‘spat about a tent’ that ended your friendship. It was your friend going too far, then waaaay too far with her comments. Saying things that can’t be unsaid, and just hang in the air between you forever is something to be avoided at all cost. Wait a beat, do some selfcontrol then some self analysis, shut your mouth and open your brain (or heart). These are strategies you can expect actual adults to employ. If they can’t or won’t, they’ll find life gets lonely pretty quickly. She can’t have it both ways.

ShitPoetryClub · 13/07/2021 23:14

We have had camping equipment ruined previously through lending it out to people we thought would take care of it. The worst was when our brand new caravan came back with a broken blind, scratched furniture and public hair in the shower Envy
I would never loan out equipment ever again. She has shown her true colours and in all honesty I think you've dodged a bullet with her.

QueenBee52 · 13/07/2021 23:27

Sometimes it’s really tempting to say ‘Well 1000’s of folk on Mumsnet don’t think I’m being unreasonable, and when I spelt out what you’ve been saying they said ‘get rid’ en masse.’ But don’t.

Totally 🤣

PerciphonePuma · 13/07/2021 23:32

@MJ1995 PLEASE send her the link to this thread before blocking her texts!!!

PerciphonePuma · 13/07/2021 23:36

@ShitPoetryClub

We have had camping equipment ruined previously through lending it out to people we thought would take care of it. The worst was when our brand new caravan came back with a broken blind, scratched furniture and public hair in the shower Envy I would never loan out equipment ever again. She has shown her true colours and in all honesty I think you've dodged a bullet with her.
Scratched furniture is horrendous and I'd have made them pay for that to be repaired. The other issues though, not quite so bad. The blind may have been faulty and whilst disgusting, the hair in the shower could easily have been an oversight (a disgusting one, mind!) and easily rectified
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 13/07/2021 23:38

I would have just said no straight off until she gives up weed for good.