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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:
CoolCatTaco · 13/07/2021 00:49

No way.

Mostlylurkingiam · 13/07/2021 01:08

With a monitor it is no different to being in a different part of the house. People are so over precious!

PrincessNutella · 13/07/2021 01:15

Are you crazy? Absolutely 100 percent NO!!!! Wrong, wrong, wrong!!!

Paddling654 · 13/07/2021 01:30

On the face of it, I think it's fine. Especially with the baby monitor.

However, I would never actually do it without checking obsessively. I'd be concerned I couldn't hear a smoke alarm. I'd be concerned it wasn't working. I'd worry there was a glitch with the monitor and he was actually roaring (this has happened to us). I'd be concerned that someone had noticed the guest house was occupied and knew it would probably be empty except at night (thieves have noticed that people in guest houses are often in the main house, it's not a new idea) so a burglary is more possible than you might think. And then, we all know more dodgy people than we realise. We just don't know who they are. Once you've developed a routine, that's when you're vulnerable.

By the time I'd considered all that, I'd be ready for a lie down. In the guest house.

alexdgr8 · 13/07/2021 01:43

your baby may feel lonely if he wakes and does not hear any ambient sounds of people being around.

Bellyups · 13/07/2021 01:50

No way would I do that. I’d encourage my baby to sleep with some noise going on in the background actually.

1forAll74 · 13/07/2021 02:37

No, most definitely not a wise thing to do.

mediumbrownmug · 13/07/2021 02:43

OP asked for personal opinions. I wouldn’t personally leave my own baby of that age in a separate, locked building. That is all.

Cloudninenine · 13/07/2021 03:12

I don’t think I would / could. I can’t see any real reason why it’s so different to them just sleeping in a different part of a house, but my gut would be screaming ‘no’ to this.

drivinmecrazy · 13/07/2021 03:39

I would and I did similar.
Parents used to live in the main house and we with DD1 in a smaller detached house.
We'd put DD down to sleeping and go enjoy dinner with my parents.
DD1 was a routine demon so was far more preferable to put her down in her own cot.

Obviously had baby monitor.
No different to when we'd adventure down to the end of the garden for a walk.
DD1 is almost 21 and, so far, has shown no contrary effects.
Even used to use baby listening services at hotels and still they came to no harm!!!

pinkcircustop · 13/07/2021 04:21
  • DD1 is almost 21 and, so far, has shown no contrary effects. Even used to use baby listening services at hotels and still they came to no harm!!!

@drivinmecrazy You do understand that just because your kid was lucky it doesn’t make it safe, right?

StrongLegs · 13/07/2021 04:31

I wouldn't even do this with my 11 year old son, tbh.

Anyusernameleft · 13/07/2021 04:36

I could only leave baby in guesthouse at the end of the garden if I was eating/socialising at that end of garden outside the guesthouse. Def no, I wouldn't leave my baby in the circumstances you describe, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Safe is where I can easily hear, quickly see for spotchecks & where someone has to get by me or my DH (or another adult/sitter) to get to my sleeping baby.
I'm not sure tho' why you are asking as you've said you, DW & everyone present is perfectly fine with it.

And also, lots of babies sleep well enough in low lit corners of busy rooms in a buggy or travel cot...even in moderately noisy rooms. It might be worth keeping baby in less cpntrolled quiet environment at least some of the time as if you are thinking of holidaying elsewhere at any point, then you may end up having to stay in or get a sitter as your baby has now become used to & perhaps will only sleep contentedly in a quiet dark room. I'd prefer a tot who can close his/her eyes anywhere for a sleep.

Saltyslug · 13/07/2021 04:46

Weirdly I think I’d feel more comfortable sat out in the garden just outside the main house rather then in the house

tolerable · 13/07/2021 04:51

why?~
does irt benefit baby? /yall/shed capacoty? just wtf

Flipswhitefudge · 13/07/2021 04:54

Yeah, nah.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 13/07/2021 05:09

Seems similar to leaving baby in a bedroom whilst you sit in the garden, which I have happily done many times.

I think lots of people are thinking the baby is out there all night on it's own !

pinkprosseco · 13/07/2021 05:31

A lot of people on here have failed to read and understand OPs original post. They have become almost hysterical based on a misperception of the OP.
Others have imposed their own individual rationale 'I regularly leave the country for foreign holidays without mine" but couldn't have a baby asleep in a house of brick construction with a baby monitor for under two hours when the parents are nearby.
Honestly do none of you ever sit in the e garden on a summer's evening with your baby upstairs in the cit?
Some definite over reactions here, and no wonder half of you can't get your babies to sleep as you literally have them with you 24/7. my personal favourite is the poster who kindly said "terrible parenting " as if OP was out at the pub whilst the baby slept alone in a house full of rabid dogs.
OP if you've risk assessed it and have measures in place then do what feels right.

2D1S3 · 13/07/2021 05:43

This thread is bonkers. A rickety tree might fall on the shed? A mouse might get in? The temperature might change?

I think it’s fine to say you wouldn’t do it, but the idea that you should never expose your child to any risk is absurd. Driving, crossing the road, walking down the stairs, going down a slide… most things in life carry a level of risk. We assess, mitigate (use a baby monitor, fire alarms, use a car seat) and crack on with our day.

I honestly find the idea that a mother (realistically) should spend every evening sitting in the dark staring at her baby until - what? they’re one? - far more worrying than the OP’s suggestion. I find the idea that a child will grow up not being allowed to do anything at all fun because “you never know what my happen” more worrying. I find the shaming of parents for making decisions which might be different from your own more worrying. I find the idea that if the OP isn’t feeling a frankly extreme level of anxiety as a new(ish) parent it’s because they somehow don’t take their child’s safety seriously more worrying.

hawkehurstgang · 13/07/2021 05:44

I definitely would never do this! It's not safe at all.

Albgo · 13/07/2021 06:00

6 months is still tiny and it seems sad to me that you're putting your own needs ahead of what is safest for your child for the sake of a couple of hours a night. It wouldn't occur to me to do this in a million years. Aside from any of the weirdness / risks of you leaving your child alone in what is essentially a separate house, the lullaby trust recommend that babies sleep in the same room with you until 12 months. Just crazy, unnecessary risks all round.

vagmons · 13/07/2021 06:01

People are being hysterical and it is clear many have absolutely no idea what 'neglect' looks like.

It is a safe structure, 20m away with a smoke alarm and a baby monitor, for no more than 2 hours. How on earth is this different to having a baby upstairs (even more so in a 3/4+ bedroom house)...

So many bloody martyrs.

TheHoundsofLove · 13/07/2021 06:14

I don't see a problem either. The OP has said they can see the guesthouse from the main house and also have a monitor - I agree with those saying it's no different to the baby being asleep upstairs and sitting in the garden.

SunshineCake · 13/07/2021 06:15

Never. I'd never want to have a what if moment. Why take a risk that's not necessary?

Kitchendilemmas · 13/07/2021 06:17

No way.