Rehoming kitten - how to tell 6 year old?

[WildflowerWildfire]

I’m suffering with my mental health a lot lately, and it’s being made much worse by my new kitten and my current cat hating each other and constantly fighting, hissing, and the little one literally tearing chunks of fur out of my older one. Not to mention litter tray issues and finding shit in my daughters pyjama drawer today 😩. I can’t cope any longer.

I feel tearful every day and can’t manage with this extra stress. I know I’m being unreasonable for giving up on an animal but I’ve tried my hardest with no success. How do I tell my daughter? She’s going to be heartbroken and it’s all my fault.

I wouldn’t say anything at all about you not being able to cope and focus entirely on the cats not being happy living together and how much happier they will both be living apart.

Don’t blame yourself, you weren’t to know. (When I was a child any animal that was being dispatched was ‘going to live on a farm’ 😊)

Yeah just say that it's not fair on your older cat and that you know someone really nice who is desperate to take in the kitten.

Before you give up try a plug in cat calmer. I think there is one called Felliway or similar that gets brilliant reviews in these kinds of situations. Hang in there

The kitten misses it's mummy and is going back to live with her?

Thank you for the suggestions.

I’ve got two feliway plug ins at the minute but they’re not doing much. I feel bloody awful 😢

Say it's in old cat's best interests and that kitten is going to a good home. Do not mention your struggles at all as it could be thrown back at you when daughter is older! Say you're sad as well and it's OK to feel sad.

How long have you had the kitten?

Tell your DC that, just like in people, not all cats are going to be good friends, and it is more fair to find one of them a new place to live if they dont get on like this. And leave it at that. You are doing the responsible thing, and should feel proud of yourself for trying to make the hard choices to ensure everyone is ok.

I’ve had the kitten for 8 weeks now, I’ve tried keeping them separate for as long as possible. Gradual, slow introductions with scent swapping initially. Then both types of feliway plug ins. My older cat rarely comes home now because he just attacks her. She’s only two but she’s definitely miserable because of him. He’s a gorgeous little kitten but I can’t deal with the stress any longer.

Do you have separate litter trays? Away from each other?

I have 3 litter trays in total, each in different rooms.

Has he been neutered yet? Male kittens calm down a lot after the snip. But I know that’s not what you asked… good luck OP, that can’t have been an easy decision.

It sounds as if you have done everything you can. Lots of people are looking for kittens right now, he will find a great new home where he can be top cat. I would tell her that you have decided that you have to put your older cat first, simple as that.

I think rehoming would be the kindness thing to do . You’ve tried many potential solutions and your all currently unhappy ( people and pets )

You also need to take steps to stop your little one tearing chunks of fur out your older cat around as that’s not acceptable at all . That cannot continue

I think it is best to get rid of it while it’s so young as you’ll get a lot of people wanting it.

I’d tell your son what the PPs have said that he misses his mum which is why he’s attacking the other cat and so you’ve taken him back to her so your cat won’t be stressed anymore.

I know people are going to attack you but some cats just never bond no matter what you do.

My 11 year old boy will never like my 15 month old kitten and it took months for him to even tolerate her. Luckily there was no shitting in drawers or cat avoiding coming home. I found Feliway was useless too, a spray called pet remedy works when the older cat is getting aggressive so might work for you till you can rehome the kitten.

I agree with telling your DD that it is because your older cat is unhappy and your first responsibility is towards the adult cat. Let her know the kitten will be well cared for and possibly ask the new owner to share photos.

I tried talking to my daughter about it and she just broke into tears. But then I look at my cat and how miserable she is, and then the way I feel on top of it. It’s the right thing to do isn’t it?

I know someone with over a dozen cats. They don’t always get on but she uses Feliway Friends - maybe try that for a week and then regime the kitten if it doesn’t work? Or if you really are at the end of your tether, just say it’s not fair on the cats like a few PPs have said

Bloody autocorrect. I obviously meant rehome not regime 🤣

You might already have done this, OP, but look up Jackson Galaxy on youtube/google. He's a cat behaviour specialist who has helped lots of cat owners with issues like this through his help pages.

We've got several cats, and we've used some of his techniques to help with litter tray issues, personality clashes etc. and they really work. Some of them do take a lot of hard work for a short period of time, but the key is consistency - everyone doing the same things the same way so the kitten knows what's what, and what it can and can't do with regards to your older cat. You need to identiry the main triggers for the undesirable behaviours, and then intercept before things go in the wrong direction.

Your kitten is still very young though. Are you playing with it enough? By enough, I mean several hours a day for the first few months! The best toys are the long wands with feathers on the end (they sell the one Jackson uses on amazon). And have you got a cat tree (two are even better) so that both cats have somewhere up high to 'escape to'?

We've been where you are, it's hard. But it's worth persevering for a bit longer. The first year is definitely the hardest! Good luck

I’ve tried feliway friends for the past month and unfortunately it’s not worked ☹️.

Definitely re-home. I like a previous poster's suggestion to say the kitten is going back to its mummy.

@WildflowerWildfire

I tried talking to my daughter about it and she just broke into tears. But then I look at my cat and how miserable she is, and then the way I feel on top of it. It’s the right thing to do isn’t it?

I think that was to be expected. She feels sad about it. Like you.

There wasn't any magical way for you to tell her without her having a normal emotional reaction. All you can do is support her through it and treat it as part of raising her and teaching her how to cope with tough emotions.

It's normal to cry when receiving sad news you didn't expect or want to hear. You will all come out the other side of this, remember that.

Hi has the cat been fixed yet?

He hasn’t been neutered yet no. Vet said to wait until he’s 6 months.