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Original poster

Rehoming kitten - how to tell 6 year old?

59 replies

WildflowerWildfire · 12/07/2021 16:34

I’m suffering with my mental health a lot lately, and it’s being made much worse by my new kitten and my current cat hating each other and constantly fighting, hissing, and the little one literally tearing chunks of fur out of my older one. Not to mention litter tray issues and finding shit in my daughters pyjama drawer today 😩. I can’t cope any longer.

I feel tearful every day and can’t manage with this extra stress. I know I’m being unreasonable for giving up on an animal but I’ve tried my hardest with no success. How do I tell my daughter? She’s going to be heartbroken and it’s all my fault.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 13/07/2021 11:31

Just using a plug in isn't enough, read ItWasAgathaAllAlongs post. Keep them separate when you are out or can't supervise them. Give them both their own part of the house, and in their part put a bed, cat tree and litter tray.

And take some specialist advice. If your insurance won't pay for a behaviourist then at least go on some specialist forums and ask for help.

ConstanceGracy · 13/07/2021 11:46

You are absolutely not being unfair to rehome the kitten. Your dd is 6 and while she’s said now she will get over it.
Tell her the kitten is making your older cat miserable and both cat and kitten would be better as the only cat in a household.
Maybe use an example of a little boy coming to live with you and upsetting your dd all the time, maybe she’d understand better

FlyingBattie · 13/07/2021 12:01

If you have no other option, then you will have to tell her something like that as the cat and kitten fight a lot, you've found a lovely new home for the kitten that will look after it really well and make sure it is happy. And that it makes us sad because we love both cat and kitten, but they will be happier and safer apart and we can be happy because they aren't fighting anymore.

ConsuelaHammock · 13/07/2021 12:41

Do what is best for your mental health. You’ve tried your best.

FayeFayeFayeFayeFaye · 13/07/2021 12:46

@WildflowerWildfire

He hasn’t been neutered yet no. Vet said to wait until he’s 6 months.
My kitten was neutered and snipped at 4 months.
starrynight87 · 13/07/2021 12:46

You tried your best, but you can't live under that kind of stress.

Buy your daughter a special toy or go on an outing.

MrsRonaldUlyssesSwanson · 13/07/2021 12:51

My cat was rehomed to me via cats protection, and her previous family absolutely did the right thing to re-home her, she lived with other cats and she was miserable.

She cannot bear being anywhere near other cats, gets very very stressed and has in the past cost £££ to get her through one of her mental breakdowns (i have an agreed strategy for treatment at the vets, as ridiculous as it sounds). Some cats are just better on their own, all the gradual introductions and feliway on the planet won't help in some cases. My cat is damaged from her former experiences, I won't give up on her but honestly you are doing the best kindest thing, both for you and your adult cat to re-home the kitten. Don't beat yourself up for the decision xx

sashh · 13/07/2021 13:11

Can your cats pass each other on different levels?

If you can create a 'bridge' where they have to pass, with furniture etc it means they can get from one place to another ignoring each other.

If you are getting 'flash points' where they cross eg in the hallway then this will work wonders.

Cats like to be able to see over other cats' territory, which is why you see them doing the 'uppy/downy' walk on fences - they are crossing another cat's territory.

They also 'time share' spaces which is why, if cats visit your garden they will arrive and leave at the same time each day.

FayeFayeFayeFayeFaye · 13/07/2021 13:21

I meant chipped not snipped.

Cat rescues are absolutely full with kittens at the minute.

VeganVeal · 13/07/2021 13:41

Surely rehome the old cat as the kitten will last longer?

Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 13/07/2021 13:58

@VeganVeal are you joking? It’s not about which one “lasts” longer Confused

OP posts:
MangoBiscuit · 13/07/2021 14:01

@VeganVeal

Surely rehome the old cat as the kitten will last longer?
Shock

Yeah, fuck the old cat, you can upgrade to a younger model now! Hmm

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 13/07/2021 14:01

I like pp suggestion of saying kitten misses their mummy.

You don't want to say anything that might make your daughter think it's the other cat's fault. Not that it is of course! But a small child might see it that way and it would be a shame to change the way she feels about your cat.

Quietcrown · 13/07/2021 14:04

Rehoming sounds like the right thing here. They are maybe both just suited to being an "only" cat.

Just be honest about the reason why when you rehome him so that the situation doesn't repeat itself. Chances are he will settle when older and has been neutered, but it's best to be on the safe side.

AlmostSummer21 · 13/07/2021 14:06

Tell your DD that the kitten was sad without her Mummy and wanted to go back to her

Make sure you rehome the kitten via a charity NOT gumtree etc or it could end up in a really bad situation.

I agree there's a lot more you could try, but if you can't cope, your MH has to come first x.

krustykittens · 13/07/2021 16:47

I'm new to cat ownership, OP, having been adopted by one, but I wouldn't dare take another cat in, she won't tolerate another feline. You can try everything but sometimes you are not the right home.

Throckmorton · 13/07/2021 17:45

I would definitely rehome, but I think it would be a bad idea to lie to your DD about the cat missing its mum. I mean why even lie - just say the cats don't get on and each clearly wants to be an only-cat so rehoming is the best and kindest thing to do. I can never understand people lying to kids when they don't need to.

Fr0thandBubble · 13/07/2021 23:30

Why did you even get the kitten? Not fair on the older cat. Rehome it and next time don’t try to introduce a new cat into a household where you already have a mature cat.

TheNoodlesIncident · 14/07/2021 10:19

@WildflowerWildfire

I tried talking to my daughter about it and she just broke into tears. But then I look at my cat and how miserable she is, and then the way I feel on top of it. It’s the right thing to do isn’t it?
OP I got two cats, a mother and a daughter. When the kitten became a cat mum was desperate to drive her away. It was really miserable seeing how unhappy they both were, but it got worse - both started getting ill from the stress of it. I had already arranged with Cats Protection to rehome one of them, so it was just riding it out until a new home was found. The little one needed medicine and veterinary attention, the mum overgroomed constantly. It was awful for them and rehoming broke my heart but it was absolutely in their best interests.

I miss mum cat terribly, I really loved her... but she's happier in another home as a spoilt only cat. She was very territorial (as is her offspring) and having to cope with other cats on her territory was very distressing for her.

You are 100% doing the right thing. Their best interests, not yours and your DD's (I do feel for you and she both, it's very hard!)

Menora · 14/07/2021 10:35

I had 2 cats that hated each other, I did stick it out but it was really hard work and unfortunately the older one used to disappear for long periods and then got ran over. She was always home a lot more until I got the other cat so I felt very guilty. Just tell your child the older cat is unhappy before they get even more attached. Some animals just don’t get along sadly

GrolliffetheDragon · 14/07/2021 10:38

@Fr0thandBubble

Why did you even get the kitten? Not fair on the older cat. Rehome it and next time don’t try to introduce a new cat into a household where you already have a mature cat.
Lots of older cats are fine with a new cat, we've never had problems introducing a kitten.
Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 14/07/2021 15:17

Apologies for the delayed update but I’ve got good news Smile

My DD’s dad (we’re separated) has kindly agreed to have the kitten as he was planning on getting a cat anyway. So as much as I’ll miss him, I’m so glad that DD will still have him in her life and that he’ll still have the familiarity of her in his new home when she goes round there.

OP posts:
Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 14/07/2021 15:18

@Fr0thandBubble I got the kitten because my older cat has only just turned 2 and showed no signs that she wouldn’t tolerate a new cat in the house.

OP posts:
Fr0thandBubble · 14/07/2021 15:45

@WildflowerWildfire I’m afraid most mature cats (2 years old is mature) that have previously lived on their own won’t be happy with another cat introduced into the house. Look how they react to other cats they meet in the street - and to have one plonked in the same house is a 100 times worse than that!

Look, you shouldn’t have done it but it’s done now, it didn’t work out, and now you just need to re-home it and know for next time that that’s not something you should do with cats.

Original poster
WildflowerWildfire · 14/07/2021 15:47

@Fr0thandBubble a lot of people do it successfully with cats older than mine so I’m not sure why you’re generalising what should or shouldn’t be done with cats Confused

OP posts:
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