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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hen / Wedding cost

74 replies

Rubyrecka · 12/07/2021 15:45

A min of £400 for the hen
And a min of £250 for accommodation for the wedding (out of town) this obviously excludes anything else associated with attending such as travel, dinner, wedding present etc etc.

Is a minimum of £650 a bit much to expect guests to pay for hen and wedding?

OP posts:

RevolutionRadio · 12/07/2021 15:47

I wouldn't be able to afford that, I wouldn't go to the hen and I'd stay somewhere else for the wedding.

Chanel05 · 12/07/2021 15:48

I think this is what is usually expected these days. I think it's a bit of a liberty to be honest!

Lollypop701 · 12/07/2021 15:50

Depends on the time you are allowing to save up and the salary of people attending but I think it is, the wedding by itself is fine. Can you not cut any corners on the hen?

Ginger1982 · 12/07/2021 15:50

I'd have to be pretty close to the bride to fork out £400 for a hen do.

LizziesTwin · 12/07/2021 15:51

Why’s the hotel so expensive? Do you need to stay there 2 nights?

Original poster

Rubyrecka · 12/07/2021 15:53

@Lollypop701

Depends on the time you are allowing to save up and the salary of people attending but I think it is, the wedding by itself is fine. Can you not cut any corners on the hen?

Well it's in a few months times, so not a awful amount of time to save up.

I was just booking all the appointments, hair, tan etc and thought hang on this is gonna cost a bomb.

OP posts:

Booboobadoo · 12/07/2021 15:53

I stopped going on any hens that involved significant travel/paid activities/weird assortment of guests who didn't know each other. I don't think anyone has ever been offended.

MittensOnKittens03 · 12/07/2021 15:56

It’s an invitation not a summons

motogogo · 12/07/2021 16:02

@Rubyrecka

You don't need appointments, you can stay in a budget hotel, buy a second hand dress etc. If you want to spend more if you have it then fine, but how much is the true minimum cost?

I've managed to get to 50 without a spray tan so hardly a crucial element to attending a wedding!

Amdone123 · 12/07/2021 16:03

We just went to a wedding that wasn't! We couldn't cancel the accommodation, £400 for 2 nights. It was our anniversary so we used it to celebrate that.
The hen do that was cancelled was costing £250 ; we were refunded that.
My friend is getting married next year. Registry £240, back to a club , entertainment £350, and a relative putting the food on for free. She said for her hen do, we'll just go to the local pub and have a drink and a dance. Phew ! It's not going to cost an arm and a leg. Refreshing.

Carrotinthesky · 12/07/2021 16:08

I wouldn't go to a wedding that was going to cost that much. Definitely couldn't afford to blow 400 on a hen do.

minatrina · 12/07/2021 16:11

Crikey

I think my hen do involved my friends shelling out about a tenner each a lovely time was had by all.

I'd think about your guests' financial positions, and whether their position means it's a big ask for them. If you're all rather wealthy then crack on I guess.

I'd also think about whether people may simply just not want to spend that amount. I personally would respectfully bow out if expected to fork out that much - but I'm willing to accept that maybe I'm just very tight and the fact that this is not the norm in my circles is affecting my opinion!

RampantIvy · 12/07/2021 16:15

You will find that this is a resounding no on mumsnet. There have been countless threads on here complaining about bridezillas who insist on expensive hen dos (and £400 minimum is expensive, no matter how you dress it up), and who insist that everyone stays in an expensive hotel to subsidise the bride and groom.

Please don't do this. Just have a night out - a meal and a few drinks, and get married near where most people live. If the venue is more important to you than your guests then don't be disappointed if you get a lot of declines.

MouldyPotato · 12/07/2021 16:18

I was just booking all the appointments, hair, tan etc and thought hang on this is gonna cost a bomb. you don't need to have a tan or hair appointment. You can get a cheap outfit off ebay if you need something new to wear.

You don't have to go on the hen do. You can stay somewhere else for the wedding.

MouldyPotato · 12/07/2021 16:19

The more people refuse to spend silly amounts on a hen do the fewer expensive hen-dos that will be organised.

PineappleTart · 12/07/2021 16:21

I think it's an obscene amount to be honest. This doesn't include any outfits etc

minatrina · 12/07/2021 16:22

@MouldyPotato

The more people refuse to spend silly amounts on a hen do the fewer expensive hen-dos that will be organised.

The revolution starts today!

Standrewsschool · 12/07/2021 16:28

Too much.

Is the £250 accommodation for one or two nights (ie before and after wedding), and for bridesmaids or for everyone? Is that per person? If so £500 is a lot for a couple for one night. What happens if fewer people stay -will you make up the shortfall or expect guests to?

It’s also not up to the bride to dictate that I should be saving for their wedding. I may have plans to save that money for a different purpose.

£400 for hen night - depends what this includes. If that pays for a couple of nights away, food, activities etc, then I may consider it. If just one night away, then maybe not.

You say it excludes dinner. Are you expecting guests to pay for their own meal?

25 years ago, a hen -night was just that, a meal i your local beefeater. When did they get so extravagant?!

Obviously, if you have wealthy friends they can afford your costs, but don’t assume.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 12/07/2021 16:30

I'd only pay £400 for a hen if I was very close to the bride, and/or it was something I wanted to do. It's becoming standard, though I think it's cheeky. In my opinion the bride should pay for her hen do. But because it's usually organised by their friends who want to give her the best time etc, costs often seem to mount up.

I wouldn't pay £250 on a hotel for one night. The most I've paid for a hotel room for a wedding was £80.

Do you know anyone else who is going? I've shared a hotel room with friends for weddings in the past.

I've also turned down invites that I wasn't keen on or couldn't afford. Just do it with plenty of notice and say you'd love to but you already have plans.

Standrewsschool · 12/07/2021 16:30

I've managed to get to 50 without a spray tan so hardly a crucial element to attending a wedding!

@motogogo

Me too

BrilliantBetty · 12/07/2021 16:30

Happy to pay the cost of hotel if my DP is attending too, as £250 is too much just for myself. And depending on childcare availability.

£400 on a hen though.. that wouldn't be something I'd be able to do.

tallduckandhandsome · 12/07/2021 16:31

I wouldn’t go unless it was a very good friend of very very very many years, or a sibling’s.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 12/07/2021 16:31

Oh, and just do your own hair, skip the tan or do it yourself, and wear stuff that you already own? 🤷‍♀️

CrouchEndTiger12 · 12/07/2021 16:32

That is crazy money!

Last friend to get married went for cocktails and dinner with no reservation. We just turned up. It was great.

I wouldn't pay it. That is a massive amount of money off a holiday I'd actually want to go on.

Squirrelblanket · 12/07/2021 16:33

Yes it's too much.

If I received these invites I wouldn't go to the hen and I'd look for a cheaper hotel for the wedding. Or skip the wedding too. I'm not a fan.

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