Hen / Wedding cost

[Rubyrecka]

A min of £400 for the hen
And a min of £250 for accommodation for the wedding (out of town) this obviously excludes anything else associated with attending such as travel, dinner, wedding present etc etc.

Is a minimum of £650 a bit much to expect guests to pay for hen and wedding?

Way too much in my opinion. We paid less than that for our family’s week long ‘summer’ holiday in May half term!! Definitely couldn’t justify £400 for a hen weekend for myself but potentially the £250 for the wedding weekend itself if it also included b&b for the rest of the family

£250 per couple/family unit for two nights isn’t so bad. However, what happens if all the rooms aren’t filled? Is breakfast included? What if people want to stay elsewhere, or just attend for the day?

@Rubyrecka

I'm a wedding guest

I misread your post and thought you were the bride!

Yes I do think it's too much to ask, and if you're feeling the stress of the mounting costs I'd recommend politely declining.

As for the things like hair, make-up, tanning etc, has the bride required you get this done or are you doing it of your own accord?

If it's the former, then it's absolutely crazy to ask of you. In my experience it's correct etiquette to pay for everything that you are requiring your bridesmaids to do. For example, I paid for my bridesmaids dresses but not shoes, hair, makeup etc as I really had no expectation of anyone getting it professionally done - I didn't even have my own done, we all just did it ourselves. But if I specifically wanted them to have them all dolled up by a make up artist then I'd absolutely have been paying for it myself.

If you're voluntarily going for tanning sessions, hair makeup etc then I don't see how you can complain about that. I do still think the hen do cost is a big ask though.

£400 for one night? Is it the Ritz?
£250 for two nights I could get on board with, if it's a small chic rural hotel perhaps... but at the same time, you could get an Airbnb for half that price, that sleeps 4.

Can you afford it? Do you want to afford it? Even if I had that money, I wouldn't blow £650 on 3 nights away (that's a 1-week holiday long haul), plus all the other expenses.

Yes it's a lot of money. And it's not something I would be able to afford without a lot of notice. And even then it I would only go if it was a close friend or family member.
Presumably you are close enough to the bride to suggest a cheaper option

Yes.

It’s your wedding so by all means do what you like. But just know a significant proportion of the people you love won’t be able to join you.

I'd guess the £400 is loads of silly activities and accommodation.

@minatrina no not the bride. Also not complaining about the tanning etc it was more of an observation of extra stuff on top of the £650 - which i wouldn't usually question as they are my personal preferences - but total cost perspective I'm probably looking at near £1k

I haven't been to a hen or wedding for ages so wondered if this type of cost (£650) was usual or if it was a little more than the going rate. I'm able to afford it but I think it's frivolous to spend that type of money

I wouldn’t go on the hen do, I’d not be happy paying that for a night in a hotel for the wedding either tbh especially after factoring in costs for outfits, transport, drinks & a wedding gift.

How close are you to the bride?

@MittensOnKittens03

It’s an invitation not a summons

True, no-one if forcing anyone to say yes.

But generally people invited to Hen Parties and Weddings really really want to attend, to join in the fun and celebrate their friends/family, but don't want to the burden of such a huge cost or can't because they have other financial commitments.

I am planning my sisters Hen and have been very conscious of the cost as I don't want to make it inaccessible to anyone invited, if they don't want to attend that's fine, but if they feel they can't because of money then that's another. That being said Hens are now rarely a 1 night out in your local town, but a weekend away + activity + dinner out + drinking, when you include the travel costs it's actually not that easy to come in under £200 per person. I do think Hen planning should be done more consciously of how much people are asking for things they wouldn't ordinarily choose to spend money on.

£400 for a hen party? I don’t know anyone how could afford to pay this let alone would even pay it.

YANBU- I also wouldn’t pay £250 for the hotel either.

I wouldn't be paying £400 for my own hen, let alone anyone else's. Bride needs to wind her neck in if she expects anyone to pay that. As for the wedding if £250 is for one night then that's a bit much. If not just go for one night. You can cut back by applying your own tan and doing your own hair and makeup. Bottom line, do not put yourself under financial strain for the sake of someone else's wedding.

Hens are now rarely a 1 night out in your local town, but a weekend away + activity + dinner out + drinking, when you include the travel costs it's actually not that easy to come in under £200 per person

Totally depends on what your group of friends are like. I've been on probably 15 hens in the last few years and 10 or so of those have been nights out in our nearest city - drinks, dinner, bar, and everyone home to their own beds.

The others have been nights out in a nearby city (think Leeds to York or Manchester) and late trains home. Not once have I forked out hundreds of pounds on a hen do. It's not the "norm" for everyone to do full pricey weekends away.

I wouldn’t pay it and wouldn’t go to the hen

I may go to the wedding if it’s was a close family member

I just couldn’t afford it, even if I saved up I have other stuff to pay out for that takes priority

I'm both comfortable but tight with social anxiety, not a chance in hell I'd blow that amount of cash on a wedding. Not even my own...

£400 for a hen party!!!!!!
FFS

£400 for one night for the hen!!! That's crazy! I would not be going

Far too much yes. I'd consider that for a very close friend or relative. Anyone else could swivel.

I don’t think most brides are doing these lavish affairs to be grabby or selfish though.Part of the problem is that brides ( usually) haven’t planned a wedding before.
They assume they need to make it amazing for everyone, without considering most peoples expectations of weddings are pretty low anyway. It’s just a chance to put on a nice outfit have a bit of free food and meet up with so friends. Decorations, favours and cake hardly register with guests.

£400 isn’t that expensive for a weekend away of your choosing but it most definitely is for something you feel obligated to do.

Far too much. I wouldn't go to the hen night and I would think seriously about not going to the wedding. That would be £500+ for one night for me and DH. That's a week's holiday in a nice cottage in normal times.

1k! That’s way too much. That’s more than a week’s holiday cottage in the UK for four of us is going to cost.

If I’m going to a wedding, I would maybe book a local premier inn for after the wedding, and give the happy couple £50-100. I wouldn’t expect to pay for anything else.

No way would I part with £400 for one night that wasn’t of my own choosing. £250 for the two nights of the wedding, possibly if it included DH.

£400 for a hen do? When did hen do's become this big extortionate event? Whatever happened to a veil from the party shop and some drinks down the pub?

You wouldn't be unreasonable for turning down the hen do OP. And can't you find a cheaper hotel for the wedding perhaps?

Usually it's only close friends invited to the hen so I don't mind spending the money to celebrate with my friend. I have a good friends wedding coming up in September and I can't wait for it.

For the wedding, I'd normally stay at a cheaper hotel or airbnb close by.