Page 2 | Straw poll- do all toddlers have tantrums?

AngeloMysterioso · 2021-07-12T08:51:10+00:00

YANBU- yes, all toddlers have tantrums, it’s just part of toddler-hood. YABU, no, not all toddlers have tantrums, only the ill-disciplined ones.

OverTheWater · 12/07/2021 10:12

Mine tantrums but it's closely linked to tiredness. If I can get his sleeping right (ha!) he doesn't.

I definitely think this is a "kids are different" thing though.

Mummytomylittlegirl · 12/07/2021 10:18

DD had loads of tantrums age 18 months to about 2.7. It’s normal and nothing to do with discipline. We didn’t bother with time outs or anything, it was usually down to tiredness, hunger, change or just development stuff. You couldn’t really reason with her so we just left her to it.

She’s amazing now she’s 3, she can communicate when she is upset and things have calmed down.

Hardbackwriter · 12/07/2021 10:19

My DM (who thinks she knows better than me in every aspect of parenting and frequently says so) is very much of the opinion that tantruming toddler = sub-standard parent(s) and won’t be told otherwise.

She's talking absolute rubbish, but I think you know that really!

Babdoc · 12/07/2021 10:23

My two DDs very very rarely had a full on tantrum. They both had a large vocabulary from very early, so could explain verbally what was bothering them, and I also made a point of letting them feel consulted, or having some degree of choice in activities, clothing, etc. They would occasionally run off, or get a bit cross about something, but I don’t recall any major explosions.

turkeyboots · 12/07/2021 10:23

DS didn't have many tantrums as a toddler. Turns out he had terrible glue ear and couldn't hear us saying no....
Once that cleared up we caught up.

Menora · 12/07/2021 10:23

I’m also in the middle

I had one of each both parented the same

Somethingvague · 12/07/2021 10:23

Honestly, before I had children, if I'd seen a mum carrying a screaming, protesting toddler down the street then I'd have assumed the parenting had something to do with it. Turns out that I am now the mum with the screaming toddler and there is absolutely nothing I can do when he goes off. He's just a very emotional and strong willed child.

My daughter on the other hand is very chilled and easy going. No difference in parenting. Just different children.

Hardbackwriter · 12/07/2021 10:26

I actually remember when I was pregnant with DS1 I saw someone lecturing everyone on MN about how their multiple children had never had a single tantrum because the first time each of them tried she simply laughed, told them that they were behaving like babies and the child simply stopped and never tried again. I thought at the time, having had experience of exactly 0 toddlers, that it seemed like a brilliant approach. When DS1 actually had a tantrum for the first time - aged about 18 months, barely verbal - I realised that it was either a total fantasy or something she'd misremembered that she actually did once with a 6 year old...

Usual2usual · 12/07/2021 10:26

My first child had no tantrums ever, he is 8 and has honestly never had a tantrum.

Obviously I thought that was down to my superb parenting......until his sister was born. She can have ten tantrums before breakfast so I would say YABU they don't all have tantrums but it has nothing to do with parenting it is the luck of the draw.

TwoLeftElbows · 12/07/2021 10:26

100% the middle option. Some toddlers don't tantrum but it's a normal phase for those who do.

My non-tantrummer is a people pleaser with worryingly low self esteem... I do wonder whether it's related. Like she was never angry when she didn't get her way, because she never felt she was entitled to anything in the first place. Who knows?

Hardbackwriter · 12/07/2021 10:31

@TwoLeftElbows

100% the middle option. Some toddlers don't tantrum but it's a normal phase for those who do.

My non-tantrummer is a people pleaser with worryingly low self esteem... I do wonder whether it's related. Like she was never angry when she didn't get her way, because she never felt she was entitled to anything in the first place. Who knows?

I was apparently an incredibly placid toddler who turned into a child who was a people pleaser to an extent that concerned my parents (e.g. if I was taken to the doctor I would try and guess what the 'right' answer was to the doctor's questions rather than actually describing my symptoms), and I think the correlation probably went the other way: I think I just happened to have an easy temperament when I was little but I got so much praise for being 'so good' that I became excessively fearful of being 'not good'.

shivawn · 12/07/2021 10:31

I also didn't vote due to lack of reasonable options. I was going to vote YABU until I saw that you had tacked 'only the ill-disciplined ones' at the end, what a sad stance.

Summersun2020 · 12/07/2021 10:33

I’m in the middle-put of my two kids, one would have a tantrum if you looked at her the wrong way, the other was angelic. Both parented in the exact same way.
Now they’re teenagers, the angelic toddler is a PITA and the tantrummer has never caused me a day of trouble, so it all comes full circle in the end I suppose

TooYoungToNotice · 12/07/2021 10:35

This post is a bit goady. My son never had a toddler tantrum. It wasn't down to wonderful parenting or discipline, he's just really really laid back.

Spikeyball · 12/07/2021 10:35

Ds never had tantrums but he is not NT so he didn't follow the typical developmental path. He did have what are generally called meltdowns but they have a different appearance. We have had some toddler style stroppiness since he was about 8 and reached the stage of wanting a 'say' in what happened to him.

TwoLeftElbows · 12/07/2021 10:36

@Hardbackwriter thank you, that makes a lot of sense.

DerisorySnort · 12/07/2021 10:36

Another who couldn't vote.

You won't get a good result on whether or not all toddlers have tantrums because of your silly "ill-disciplined" addition.

I have 5 DC. First was a tantrummer, third had her moments, but the other three not at all. However I don't think any of my DC were ill-disciplined, and as PP have said, tantrums are very normal, healthy and nothing to do with discipline.

Bbq1 · 12/07/2021 10:40

Not all toddlers have tantrums. My ds certainly didn't I don't think it's really a discipline thing though, I would imagine it's more linked to temperament.

Heyha · 12/07/2021 10:40

My DD is a lovely, sweet, gentle (with animals and smaller children) who is good verbally so has as good manners as you can expect from a two year old, but my god she can chuck a tantrum when she's hungry or tired, or more often, a bit of both. She is very stubborn in those circumstances!

SweetMeadow · 12/07/2021 10:40

@Summersun2020

I’m in the middle-put of my two kids, one would have a tantrum if you looked at her the wrong way, the other was angelic. Both parented in the exact same way. Now they’re teenagers, the angelic toddler is a PITA and the tantrummer has never caused me a day of trouble, so it all comes full circle in the end I suppose

This really made me laugh! And gave me some hope for my DD who often gets annoyed if I smile at her at the wrong time!

Missmonkeypenny · 12/07/2021 10:40

DD (7) never had a single tantrum. DS (18m) has them often - I don't think there's been a sudden change in my parenting or 'discipline'. Tantrums are,99% of the time, because the child is frustrated because they cannot communicate effectively. It's got naff all to do with ' sub standard parenting '

Your MIL sounds nice

Spikeyball · 12/07/2021 10:41

"I was apparently an incredibly placid toddler who turned into a child who was a people pleaser"

Me too. I was in my 20s before I realised that I was 'good enough' and didn't need to be perfect and that my opinions mattered too.

SlothinSpirit · 12/07/2021 10:41

There is a difference between tantrums and meltdowns. A child tantrums to get their own way and stops when they're given what they want. I don't think a parent is a bad parent because their child has lots of tantrums (some kids are just persistent!) but they might be if they frequently give in to tantrums so the child learns that they work.

Meltdowns are different - the child has lost control and couldn't stop if they wanted to. These have nothing to do with parenting... some children just get overwhelmed or tired more quickly than others and can't process their emotions. My DC is very laid-back and copes well with being tired (can stay up late on holiday no bother) so doesn't really have meltdowns. He did go through a long period of not listening to a word I said and being quite naughty when we were out so not winning any parenting awards here!

MrsMiddleMother · 12/07/2021 10:41

Of course all toddlers have tantrums, some are more mild than others. They're have so many emotions and so little understanding. People who judge toddlers having a tantrum are just ignorant IMO

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 12/07/2021 10:41

not voting because the choices are ridiculous but YABVU for posting something so goady, uneducated, inflammatory.
only the ill-disciplined ones throw tantrums"
what the actual flaming hell?!
have you never heard of SN children? or strong-willed ones? why post such ridiculous garbage?🤬

not all toddlers throw tantrums - because some are just naturally more compliant.
or maybe more mature or laid back.
and some do throw tantrums that is nothing to do with parenting.