Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don't know what to do, I feel like I've potentially met my match but OMG his hair is terrible!

84 replies

cheesecadet · 11/07/2021 14:51

Ok, so after many years of OLD I went on a paid dating site and was drawn to a man who seemed just my type. He's seen all the bands that I like, dresses different to most - nice hats, and has the confidence to dress in vibrant shirts etc.

We chatted for a few weeks and is was all very fluent, we bounced off each other as we had so much to talk about. He seemed so genuine, gentlemanly, and asked lots of questions about me.

Some men that I've met have been very different to chat to in person but I knew this one would be the same when we met. He was. He drove 20 odd miles to see me, I've never had anyone do this before.

Whilst messaging he said that he was potentially going to shave his hair as he's been very unlucky with losing it on the top, and it's got much worse. He's really enjoyed having long hair but he needed to take the plunge!

On his photos he's wearing hats and I didn't notice his long hair as it possibly could have been up/tucked in his hat. He says that his beard, which I love, is a focal point because of the hair loss.

On the date, he was so lovely, he listened to everything that I said with interest and commented on everything so sweetly. I felt like it was the best conversation I've had on a date ever. I found him very attractive.

But omg his hair when he took his hat off, he had a long bit swept over the top of his head and the rest was all one length down to his long neck but it looked so flat, it really didn't suit him. He's 40.

Whilst I try to sympathise, I really think he could make it look far better to emphasise his good looks.

So we were messaging after the date and he asked if he was what I hoped. (I told him on the date that I thought he was very attractive, with a lovely smile and enjoyed his conversations very much). So I reiterated that I found him very attractive etc and also that I agreed with him about shaving his hair/cutting it as it would look amazing, and suit & compliment his face. He says he's getting it cut before a wedding in a few weeks.

I am attracted to him and there's a definite connection.

I knew he used to love having long hair but I thought it was a thing of the past as he wears a lot of hats. I can't explain how terrible it looked.

Hopefully it'll be a decent cut, but what if he just has it trimmed and it's similar?! I appreciate that it's just him and I should just like him for him. Do you think what I said to him is a bit mean, would you say anything further, or what and see?

Thank you.

OP posts:
NoProblem123 · 11/07/2021 16:43

@nolovelost why have you name changed ??

queenatom · 11/07/2021 16:45

It sounds like the hair is going anyway so hopefully a moot point? I think it can be difficult for some men to accept when the time has come to shave it all, particularly if their hair was a big part of their identity for a number of years. I know my husband kept saying his needed to go for a year or two before he finally took the plunge (lockdown and the purchase of some home shears being the tipping point!) I’d stick with it and see how things play out in the short term - and if he does shave it, be sure to be very complementary about it.

Catconfusion · 11/07/2021 16:47

When I met my DH his hair was the only fault I could find. It did play on mind a bit at first but a few weeks in it didn’t bother me at all. He’s since taken the plunge and shaved it off. He’s such a good husband and now father. We’re perfect for each other so I’m glad I didn’t let it put me off.

Don’t let his hair get to you too much. It’ll be fine with time and in the grand scale of things it won’t matter so much when he shaves it. It sounds like he’s really into you so I’m sure he will. Good luck! x

MrsPeacockInTheLibrary · 11/07/2021 16:50

What site was it?

Lisamonwesaa · 11/07/2021 16:58

How would you feel OP if he asked you to change your hairstyle ?

RedRec · 11/07/2021 17:02

Liking someone's hair or not is a perfectly valid part of the weighing up process when meeting a new partner. Sexual attraction especially important at this point. I don't think the OP is being shallow at all, just realistic.
That said, I go along with the suggestions from pps that she should be vocal and enthusiastic about how attractive the new short haired look will be, while not exactly dragging him to the barber's to get it done.

nolovelost · 11/07/2021 17:05

Bumble

DarkDarkNight · 11/07/2021 17:14

He mentioned it before you met and wears hats in photos to hide it. I think it’s fair to say he is self-conscious of his hair and possibly a little worried about taking the plunge after loving having long hair. But he is obviously on the verge of changing I so I wouldn’t let it put you off.

If you’re not attracted to him as he is that’s fair enough. You’re not dating him so you can’t push him too much, just say you think it will suit him to have it shaved.

azimuth299 · 11/07/2021 17:18

It sounds like he really likes you, and that you've made your feelings clear. I'd be surprised if he doesn't follow through and cut it. When you start a relationship you're in the trying to impress each other phase - he'd probably dye it blue if he thought that you would prefer it that way! I'd wait and see. If he doesn't, maybe offer to cut it for him?

godmum56 · 11/07/2021 17:19

gender switch this and there would be all sorts of hoorah kicking off!

xxKatie9806xx · 11/07/2021 17:20

A guy shaving their head due to hair loss is quite a big deal to most men I’d say. I know a few who have found it quite traumatic. I think just keep encouraging that you’ll think it looks great and help give him the confidence to get it done.

1Saymynamesaymyname · 11/07/2021 17:24

Hang on in there, as the day you dump him will be the day he gets it chopped off #sodslaw

NoProblem123 · 11/07/2021 17:25

I need to see photos of your perfect hair & general appearance before I post my comment…..

Bythemillpond · 11/07/2021 17:27

If you really clicked and you feel he is worth pursuing don't let a bit of hair put you off

A friend met her “one” at work. He was ok looking but he had a certain thing that had put a lot of women off. (Potentially too outing) eg he had lost a couple of teeth.

Our friend who is a very strong personality took a shine to this guy and within a few weeks he was jokingly complaining that she had thrown all his clothes out. They had gone shopping for more up to date stuff. (Think 80s and he was wearing worn out flairs and baggy jumpers with holes in that he had since his teens). Even took him to the hairdressers to get his hair styled They moved in together on the understanding , in her words “He got his bloody teeth fixed”
By the time she had finished with him he looked amazing. She pushed his career as well and he has done amazingly well.
They are still together.

DeciduousPerennial · 11/07/2021 17:33

And some people (of both sexes) wonder how they reach a certain point in life and ‘still be single’.

You like every other thing about him, it’s just his hair. And it’s not that’s it’s filthy, or full of nits or dandruff, it’s just the fact that it’s a bit longer than you’d like.

I can’t believe you’ve even asked.

Echobelly · 11/07/2021 17:41

Yeah, give it some time, I'm sure it'll look much better once cut. I totally get long-but-thinning/bald on top as being offputtingly naff!

DH was already losing his hair at the front when we met, but as soon as it got too thin-looking he just started keeping it shaved.

HunkyPunk · 11/07/2021 17:44

This is a huge red flag, op.
For him, I mean!

nolovelost · 11/07/2021 17:46

I've tried to describe the hair to you, and seems some people aren't getting a picture of what it's like, which is fine. It's not the length, it was the untidiness and unwashed look. Maybe I should have been more clear in the OP.

Leomum48 · 11/07/2021 17:50

I'm so happy for you that you've finally met someone you find attractive and feel a strong connection with. But if you don't like the way he wears his hair you have to say something about it (in a kind and helpful way, obviously). You need to feel proud of your guy when you're seen out with him, not ashamed of his weird haircut!

SheABitSpicyToday · 11/07/2021 17:51

The more you like him the less you will care. My husband had a short dark brown crop and a weird moustache when I met him but I had already fallen for him over the phone when we used to talk. Through lockdown he had bleached blonde mullet! He went and got it cut yesterday and I actually miss it.

IrishCharm · 11/07/2021 18:18

Isn't it funny how women are expected to shave our body hair, dye, curl/straighten our head hair, pierce things, make up, even botox and surgery etc. And men aren't even expected to have a hair cut

But if a man came on here saying the same thing about a wonderful woman he’d met and he found her attractive BUT her hair was awful, he wouldn’t be jumped on and ran out of MN quick smart? 😂😂😂

HollowTalk · 11/07/2021 18:20

I am picturing Noddy Holder.

billy1966 · 11/07/2021 18:46

Comb overs are hideous.
Just hideous.
And sad.
Hopefully he will shave it off.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/07/2021 18:52

I'd probably be honest at this stage tbh as you have nothing to lose. Not in a 'the comb over is fucking awful' way but in a 'you find shaved heads attractive and longer hair less so' type of way. It's worth a bit if discomfort for both of you if this could lead to something good

nolovelost · 14/07/2021 20:04

Hi all. We had a second date today, it was even better than date 1, feel so attracted to him and I think he feels the same. I feel really drawn to him, this hasn't happened to me in a very long time. We've since messaged saying that we both really enjoyed it.

I feel like further messaging him saying that I really like him. Does that sound childish and a bit premature?

Swipe left for the next trending thread