I don't know what to do, I feel like I've potentially met my match but OMG his hair is terrible!

[cheesecadet]

Ok, so after many years of OLD I went on a paid dating site and was drawn to a man who seemed just my type. He's seen all the bands that I like, dresses different to most - nice hats, and has the confidence to dress in vibrant shirts etc.

We chatted for a few weeks and is was all very fluent, we bounced off each other as we had so much to talk about. He seemed so genuine, gentlemanly, and asked lots of questions about me.

Some men that I've met have been very different to chat to in person but I knew this one would be the same when we met. He was. He drove 20 odd miles to see me, I've never had anyone do this before.

Whilst messaging he said that he was potentially going to shave his hair as he's been very unlucky with losing it on the top, and it's got much worse. He's really enjoyed having long hair but he needed to take the plunge!

On his photos he's wearing hats and I didn't notice his long hair as it possibly could have been up/tucked in his hat. He says that his beard, which I love, is a focal point because of the hair loss.

On the date, he was so lovely, he listened to everything that I said with interest and commented on everything so sweetly. I felt like it was the best conversation I've had on a date ever. I found him very attractive.

But omg his hair when he took his hat off, he had a long bit swept over the top of his head and the rest was all one length down to his long neck but it looked so flat, it really didn't suit him. He's 40.

Whilst I try to sympathise, I really think he could make it look far better to emphasise his good looks.

So we were messaging after the date and he asked if he was what I hoped. (I told him on the date that I thought he was very attractive, with a lovely smile and enjoyed his conversations very much). So I reiterated that I found him very attractive etc and also that I agreed with him about shaving his hair/cutting it as it would look amazing, and suit & compliment his face. He says he's getting it cut before a wedding in a few weeks.

I am attracted to him and there's a definite connection.

I knew he used to love having long hair but I thought it was a thing of the past as he wears a lot of hats. I can't explain how terrible it looked.

Hopefully it'll be a decent cut, but what if he just has it trimmed and it's similar?! I appreciate that it's just him and I should just like him for him. Do you think what I said to him is a bit mean, would you say anything further, or what and see?

Thank you.

He needs to get rid of his hair. Bald is sexy.

I would just tell him you’re looking forward to him getting it done as you find bald heads incredibly sexy

“SirGawain

Only on Mumsnet!
If a woman said a man wanted her to try a different hairstyle she would be told that he was controlling and to ditch pronto!“

But a man might not even say anything and instead just not see the woman with the hair style he doesn’t like again.

Mumsnet is always mentioning ‘chemistry’ and unfortunately looks do affect this.

Sorry - wrong thread,,,,

Poor guy

Thank you all!

Great comments, apart from the odd few. Please read all the post, it seems like some parts haven't been read properly/my words have been twisted. I never asked him to cut his hair! Or said it would look better.

It wasn't just the style....it was A MESS. Didn't look like it had been washed either. I'm sorry but I think you should always have clean hair on a first date. Maybe if it had been clean, it would have looked a bit better.

There is one photo on his profile without a hat and his hair is short on that. So it's been a bit misleading really. Aren't you supposed to show the real picture?

Surely it would be more controlling if I carried on seeing him and made it an issue. I'm not asking someone to change after a first date, I'm just expecting them to make more of an effort. Not once was there an out the blue comment, he asked if he was what I hoped and considering the lack of pictures showing his hair, I don't think that's unreasonable. I thought my comments back were quite positive ones really.

You sound quite shallow. It's only hair?!

I am very far from shallow. Whoops name change fail, who cares anyway!

Its ok to say something as he's mentioned it but I wouldn't keep going on about it

It's a first date. Your allowed to be er about something if it's not attractive. Perhaps give him a few more dates and see how it goes.

No I definitely won't mention it again.

Esp since he said he is cutting it. I'd be all gushy about how you cant wait to see him with his new haircut

@RevolutionRadio

Apparently 'hatfishing' is on the rise

Honestly, OP, you didn't think there might be a relationship between his preference for 'lovely hats' and his hair/lack of hair/bald spot/combover?

When was the last time you saw The Edge from U2 without a beanie?

I would have been suspicious of all the photos of him with hats on and would have asked for a recent photo of him minus the hat before agreeing to a date. Then I would have said get your hair sorted out. I am shallow as a puddle and would never date a man with a combover.

Only say something if he mentions it.
He's clearly not sure what to do, and what might suit him, now that his hair is thinning.
I think he'll appreciate input from you, and you'll have an opportunity to do that soon, after he's had it cut.

(If he's wearing a hat a lot, it'll make his hair more greasy. Perhaps he hasn't realised that and just washes it at the same frequency as when it was flowing free.)

I'm so gladly husband already recognised his receding hairline and started shaving it before we met 🙊 he probably wouldn't be my husband now if he'd had some weird comb over going on 🙈

I don't think you should be controlling and require him to get a haircut or tell him what to do with his appearance - but in this case he's already suggested himself. that he might shave it. It may be that he's realised it would look better and wanted to test out the idea with you to see if you'd still like him.

So an enthusiastic "I think you will look soooo hot with a shaved head, especially with your beard, I love that combo!"" or some such should do the trick.

That’s why they invented doggy! Enjoy!

I'd be put off by a comb-over, but I'd also be put off by someone giving a frank review of my physical shortcomings after a first date. He's very aware that his hair isn't what it once was, there's no need to hammer it home by mentioning it again in writing 😬

@Flowers500 hahahaha!

@3Britnee

I'm so gladly husband already recognised his receding hairline and started shaving it before we met 🙊 he probably wouldn't be my husband now if he'd had some weird comb over going on 🙈

Same 🤣🤣

I think you should wait and see.

He''s already told you he's thinking about it. He probably just needed some encouragement, which it looks like you've given, along with compliments.

If he's had long hair for a long time, it's going to be a big adjustment for him. The wedding is in a few weeks, so he's clearly got a definite idea that he wants to cut it.

Give it time, he sounds nice. Don't ruin it over a haircut.

My first impression of DH was that he was nice enough but funny looking. Two months in and I was in love with him and found him very attractive. 34 years on and I still think he is handsome. If he really is 'the one' or even just 'a one' you will soon see past the hair.

I wouldn't say it's a deal breaker. My husband likes to grow his hair and beard and do all sorts of weird hair styles, some I like better than others....but I don't love him any less for it. He's free to decide how he wants his hair as I am free to decide how I want my hair.