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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be hurt they don't want to retain me

96 replies

TheLasrStraw · 11/07/2021 13:41

I work in a school and had to tell them I have an interview elsewhere.

They made no effort to retain me, but I know they have done so for other staff.

I need to stay positive for my interview but feel dented by my school.

Words of wisdom welcome.

OP posts:
ChikiTIKI · 11/07/2021 14:49

There's not much point in them offering you a payrise etc until they find out whether you actually have a job offer elsewhere or not. Wouldn't be very savvy of them would it.

TheLasrStraw · 11/07/2021 14:56

I'm permanent.

They didn't ask why I wanted to move on, which I thought odd. I suppose it's obvious - some changes I didn't like have happened - but I just wanted an opportunity to say what had made me unhappy.

I'll focus on the new opportunity.

OP posts:
Arrrghh · 11/07/2021 14:58

I’m going to guess that you feel inderappreciated in your current role, so even though looking out for something new, a part of you was hoping o be proven wrong and they’d express how much you’re appreciated and ask you to stay.

Flowers it’s shit, but it doesn’t reflect on you, OP. Everyone is close to burn out in schools at the moment. Hopefully this experience will make it easier for you to go for the new job knowing that you really want it, you’re ready to find a new work ‘home’ and a fresh start Smile Good luck in the interview!

bigbadbluewhale · 11/07/2021 14:58

Oh grow up. “Hurt” ffs

Being a grown up doesn't mean having no feelings.
Ironically, issuing insults to emotionally vulnerable strangers on an anonymous message board doesn't make you seem very mature yourself.

OP, this does sound hurtful. Good luck in your interview, it sounds like you've made the right decision to look elsewhere.

Flgbusterhereagain · 11/07/2021 14:58

So do you actually want to leave or did you just want to say your piece?

Better to be direct and say something of you want to, not play games thinking they will grovel if you decide to leave.

PurpleOkapi · 11/07/2021 14:59

When you say they've tried to retain others, did they communicate that to those others as soon as they learned they were interviewing elsewhere? As others have said, that seems premature, because they wouldn't know what salary they'd need to match or even whether they'd get another offer at all. If you get a better offer, and you actually want to stay (which it sounds like you don't), tell them the terms of that offer and see what they do.

Stickyjamhands · 11/07/2021 15:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GabriellaMontez · 11/07/2021 15:09

Quite a few butchers comments here today.

Sounds like you know you've outgrown the role/school. So its perhaps not that surprising, they probably know too.

Schools can be funny places its not necessarily a reflection on you.

ilovesooty · 11/07/2021 15:09

@TheLasrStraw

I'm permanent.

They didn't ask why I wanted to move on, which I thought odd. I suppose it's obvious - some changes I didn't like have happened - but I just wanted an opportunity to say what had made me unhappy.

I'll focus on the new opportunity.

Thanks for clarifying. I'd obviously read the OP wrongly.
MadMadMadamMim · 11/07/2021 15:10

I assume you are not a teacher? Because the deadline to hand in your resignation for September was May 31, so if you are interviewing now then you've either resigned already - or won't be starting your new job next term.

If you are support staff I've never known a school try and retain anyone.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 11/07/2021 15:11

Why would you want to stay if you don’t like the changes though?

User5827372728 · 11/07/2021 15:12

@Crimeismymiddlename

You have to in schools, as most schools ask for references before they short lift to interview and if teaching on interview day you need cover for your lessons.

TheLasrStraw · 11/07/2021 15:17

Yes I'm support staff and know of another member of support staff who was asked to stay.

OP posts:
StaffRepFeistyClub · 11/07/2021 15:21

@TheLasrStraw

I'm permanent.

They didn't ask why I wanted to move on, which I thought odd. I suppose it's obvious - some changes I didn't like have happened - but I just wanted an opportunity to say what had made me unhappy.

I'll focus on the new opportunity.

No, it is not odd, it is fairly typical in schools I am afraid.

No Head is really interested in why people leave. Teachers just say that they need a day off for an interview and then resign a week later when/if they get the contract.

Very rare for a school to try and actively keep particular individuals even in shortage subjects. And as for office/support staff, we always get lots of applications.

Laiste · 11/07/2021 15:38

@TheLasrStraw

Yes I'm support staff and know of another member of support staff who was asked to stay.
Bluntly - i'd put money on the other member of support staff being a walkover, being prepared to do as many unpaid overtime time hours as the school (or certain teachers) require with a big grateful grin on their face.

Tragically, when it comes to support staff, it's often not about the quality of your work. It's more about willingness to do anything (trained or not) anytime for basic money.

ineedaholidaynow · 11/07/2021 15:40

You can ask for an exit interview.

Erictheavocado · 11/07/2021 15:58

I am school support staff and over the last few years we have lost quite a few of our support staff. I know our HT has been very sad to lose them. None of those staff has been replaced. Budgets are so tight that losing staff is just about the only way to balance the books. Support staff contracts are a lot easier to vary than teacher contracts, so those of us who are left are having to cover the work of our former colleagues. Whenever a lunchtime assistant leaves, a member of support staff is asked to change their contract to do lunchtime duties - this means a shorter break for us and lower pay as lunchtime supervisors are paid at a lower rate.
I suspect that something similar could be at play here OP. And if you've already made it clear you were unhappy with some changes, maybe the HT feels it is better to let you go.

LuluJakey1 · 11/07/2021 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 11/07/2021 16:03

LuluJakey1 What?

thecatfromjapan · 11/07/2021 16:15

Don't know why some posters are being so unpleasant.

Change makes many of us feel vulnerable and unsettled - even changes we actively seek to bring about.

Of course you're feeling a bit wobbly. It's human.

And it's easy to look at a situation where another staff member has been asked to stay and you haven't and think, 'Why not me?'

But ... it's a dead-end as a thought-process.

There could be many, many reasons. Lots listed by other posters.

For you, the crucial thing is to focus on your future.

You've learnt a lot in this school - skills, ways of doing things, etc - and, crucially, you have learnt that you have preferences, strengths and weaknesses.

You learnt that this current school possibly wasn't the best fit for you.

Time to move on, keep looking, keep building your skills and your repertoire.

Which you have a opportunity to do. And that's a good thing. It's an exciting thing. And it's an opportunity.

You need to think of it that way because it's the truth and because it will help you ace the interview.

If you dwell on the, 'why not me?' it will come across at your interview - and you don't want that.

You need to be focused - like a ninja - on why you are really excited about the thought of joining the team at this new school. The new opportunities to develop it offers. The things that make it unique and why you find that very attractive.

By all means, you can ask your old school (& it is your old school now,) what areas they think you could seek to develop and put work into. But perhaps do that after you have a new place. And do it in a positive way, as a pointer to skills-development.

And bear in mind that schools are ridiculously stretched at the moment. I've never experienced anything like this. The situation is extreme. So, you'll be asking for something from stretched people - and anything they say should be taken positively and not as negative feedback.

SpeckledyHen · 11/07/2021 16:26

Will you get an ‘exit interview’ OP and have the opportunity to give your reasons for leaving?

Good luck with the interview/ new role .

Thoughtcontagion · 11/07/2021 16:29

I was support staff and left because we were treated terribly, some people just suck it up, I won’t however. I left, new job was not what it was made out to be. I applied for another job but contacted my old school as I know they were desperate for staff but said they’d call and never did. I got a new job within a week at a lovely school, feel so appreciated and welcomed, best thing I ever done.

From experience I can tell you they usually don’t give a shit if you’re going. Focus on your new job

Spidey66 · 11/07/2021 16:34

I read it as she is wanting to leave and they haven't asked her to stay once they were aware of the interview.

Her subsequent posts have not changed my mind on that.

tennisballboy · 11/07/2021 16:37

Why didn't you go to your boss and discuss why you were unhappy before applying for another job? By the time someone has applied for another job, they have left their current job in their head. We would not be trying to retain you - we'd wish you luck and hoped you moved on quickly!

Spidey66 · 11/07/2021 16:39

And to be honest if you don't like the changes you either live with them or you leave. It does sound a bit childish to look for other jobs just so they can beg you to stay. Theyve called your bluff, which is a risk you had to take.

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