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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike going to friends house because of her dog?

82 replies

TomForddr · 10/07/2021 22:36

I’ve never owned a dog in my life, I’m not scared of them but I’m definitely not the most confident.

Friends dog is around 7 months but seems pretty much fully grown and he gets so excited every single time you walk in, constantly jumping all over you.

Today I walked in and he’s behind a baby gate going crazy once he sees me, friend tells him to go outside, I wait by the baby gate and friend says “do you to come through then and go outside and see him” - got the impression the dog wouldn’t calm down otherwise.

At this point I got scared, but walked through anyway and of course he comes running up to me, jumps up, scratched me down my arm. No blood but enough that the scratches are still present hours later.

Friend didn’t seem too bothered, she does react and pull him off but she’s not quick enough and he kept coming back to do it. She even told me yesterday he’d drawn blood from another visitor.

I’m sat on the sofa and he’s climbing all over me at every opportunity, at one point licked the glass that was in my house. Gets in my face to the point I’m scared of being bir.

Is this normal? I get that puppies won’t be the best trained, but I’m constantly on edge in her house and it’s not enjoyable to see her anymore.

OP posts:
mycatchichi · 11/07/2021 00:35

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Why have you not spoken to your friend about how this makes you feel? Rather than just moaning on a public forum.
Is this not what a forum is for ? 🤔
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/07/2021 00:38

Well, it depends if you're looking for advice that you'll actually use I suppose.

I just don't understand why she would repeatedly go there, feel scared of the dog, get scratched by the dog, not actually talk to her friend about it but just moan about it on here? Which does nothing to solve the issue.

Gothichouse40 · 11/07/2021 00:38

I am frightened of dogs. That would happen to me once, I wouldn't be back.

Nogardenersworld · 11/07/2021 00:45

That dogs spent most of its life in lockdown
How would it know how to behave with guests?
I would give your friend chance to train it before making a decision

I have a lovely dog who knew how to behave but after 18 months with no guests, now get a little crazy too
I can’t imagine a young bouncy puppy who’s never experienced it before

Also it’s typically quite clear if the dog is acting aggressively or is just excited and playing. Maybe you’d feel better and more confident if you did a bit of research on dogs body language.

FictionalCharacter · 11/07/2021 03:08

She’s a hopeless owner. She should be controlling him or, if that isn’t possible, keeping him away from visitors. Allowing him to scratch someone is not ok.

jskei · 11/07/2021 04:19

@AnneLovesGilbert

I like no one in the world enough to put up with that sort of crap. I wouldn’t have gone there a second time.
This! Seriously.

Too many people use dogs to passive aggressively menace other's and they shouldn't get away with it and you shouldn't let her get away with it.

EccentricaGalumbits · 11/07/2021 04:28

I won't put up with that shite.

A sharp and loud 'Ah! NO! Get down!' and take a quick step back so their feet fall back on the floor.

It usually shocks the poorly trained dogs who aren't used to being told what to do, and they'll go quiet and leave you alone. The owners will hate it though, I once had one
cuddle his dog and apologise to it on my behalf Confused

iBrows · 11/07/2021 04:57

The dog lives there, you don’t. Invite your friend to yours / meet up somewhere dog free.

Somanysocks · 11/07/2021 05:03

Tell her she's is yet another person who shouldn't have a dog as she doesn't have a clue how to train it, control it or treat it.

joystir59 · 11/07/2021 05:10

I absolutely love dogs but this behaviour is unacceptable. Your friend needs to train the puppy to not jump up at people and to go to his bed and stay there once he has greeted a visitor. Your friend needs to engage a dog behaviourist to help her learn to control the dog or the dog will ruin her social.life and it won't be the dog's fault.

Unsoliciteddeckpic · 11/07/2021 05:46

I have 2 cocker spaniels. They are jumpy and excitable and love visitors.

But they are also trained to not jump up when we have visitors. I consider that basic training. If they want attention, they only get it if 4 paws are on the ground. They can definitely pick that up by 7 months.

Yanbu op at all. Your friend really needs to be training her dog better.

Mintjulia · 11/07/2021 05:48

You could just explain that you aren't that keen on dogs and could it go in another room.
Most people have a puppy crate, a cross between a dog bed and a cage. It's also the dog's safe space.
She's probably proud of her dog and wants to show him off but will move him if you tell her.

MouldyPotato · 11/07/2021 06:12

I'd tell her you don't like dogs leaping up at you and so can you meet elsewhere until dog is a bit older?

redcarbluecar · 11/07/2021 06:44

Not unreasonable to mind this. I was at a friend’s a couple of years ago where the dog constantly jumped and snapped at me, and howled if it was put in another room. Was told it just wanted to be friendly and play with me, but it was way too much and very uncomfortable especially as I was staying overnight and there was no point where the behaviour calmed. Ultimately though I guess it’s their house and the answer is not to visit if you don’t like being around the dog. In the situation you’ve described I’d ask to meet friend elsewhere for the foreseeable, and would (non-confrontationally) tell them why.

MoreAloneTime · 11/07/2021 06:50

I wouldn't go to this house again and I think it says a lot about a person when they let their dog make someone feel unsafe.

MiddleParking · 11/07/2021 06:50

I would be really scared of going to a house with a poorly trained dog in it. I’m not totally un-scared of well trained dogs, even though I like them. You just don’t know what could happen. I would not go back to her house.

20viona · 11/07/2021 07:02

I hate dogs and their owners for this reason OP. Not everyone has to be a dog lover.

Musication · 11/07/2021 07:11

I have a friend and I don't go to her house anymore because she lets her dog climb all over me and jump. I don't like dogs and I can't bear all of it. I just meet her out instead.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/07/2021 07:18

We have a year old excitable dog and I am very firm with him about not jumping up to greet visitors. It has taken a lot of training, not least because he is a very "cute" looking dog (biased owner here) and when DS's friends come round they immediately make a huge fuss of him and over excite him. I end up having to train them not to do it.

I think you should say something to your friend and then not visit until her dog is better behaved. My dog is a lot calmer at 12 months than he was at 7 but still needs a lot of boundaries to remind him about good behaviour.

Weebleweeble · 11/07/2021 07:19

Problem is the dog probably doesn't jump up on her.
DSis's dog would jump up and make marks on my thighs, bruise lines down them from her claws. A staffie (big teeth, big claws).

Danoodle · 11/07/2021 07:20

YANBU, I'm a dog person who's always had dogs, but jumpy overexcited dogs get on my nerves. You friend needs to work on training her puppy to greet visitors quietly!

As others have said, a quick tip to encourage the puppy to be calmer with you is to turn your back when it jumps at you, and keep turning your back until it gets bored. If you're sat on the sofa, stand up and turn your back etc. Praise the little devil when he's calm Smile.

Dogs can learn that certain people don't want to be jumped all over. To be honest, this would put me off visiting a friend, I'd start suggesting meeting away from the dog.

garlictwist · 11/07/2021 07:34

This is my experience of every dog I have ever met. If you go round to a friend's house who has a dog they totally dominate everything, always jumping up and wanting attention and I find it very draining and annoying.

godmum56 · 11/07/2021 07:53

@pigsDOfly

Dog owners really don't want to hear that their dog is a disgusting annoyance so the only option is to avoid them together.

Some dog owners' dogs aren't allowed to be annoying to visitors and are therefore not 'a disgusting annoyance'.

Your SIL and your friend are very poor sorts of dog owners if they expect guests to accept having their dogs climb all over them.

^^ this absolutely

I am definitely a dog lover bur what she is doing is not ok for you or for the dog.

godmum56 · 11/07/2021 07:54

@garlictwist

This is my experience of every dog I have ever met. If you go round to a friend's house who has a dog they totally dominate everything, always jumping up and wanting attention and I find it very draining and annoying.
then you have strange and thoughtless friends
godmum56 · 11/07/2021 07:55

@20viona

I hate dogs and their owners for this reason OP. Not everyone has to be a dog lover.
well I have never met you and i hate you too :)
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