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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Replace neighbour flowers after ball over fence?

104 replies

Window1 · 10/07/2021 08:12

My neighbours new flowers got crushed by my sons football which went over the back fence while he was playing in the back garden. I know she will have to take some out and replace now.

Should I be offering to replace them, or perhaps let my son take round a new planter with an apology about the ball going over?

We tell him to be careful with it but it accidentally goes over probably once per week.

OP posts:
Forestdweller11 · 10/07/2021 08:14

Yes replace the flowers

And do something to stop the ball going over.

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 10/07/2021 08:15

Yes if your son damaged her belongings then you should; I think you’re lucky she isn’t being shitty with you about it

Leftphalange · 10/07/2021 08:16

Yes

LemonSqueezy0 · 10/07/2021 08:16

I think you should offer to replace the ones she has to remove as it was caused by your son. And if she says no, pop some money in an envelope through the door.

Then I think you need to be a bit more considerate and look into how to prevent the ball going over to next door before he plays football again. Once a week would really annoy me tbh, plus everytime I heard him I would be worried about it.

TheSockMonster · 10/07/2021 08:18

Yes, of course.

Would something like this help with the ball going over?

Original poster
Window1 · 10/07/2021 08:20

Thanks for quick responses. Will ban the ball in the garden as that's the only
Way to guarantee it won't go over.

I don't know how to approach the conversation as i only know about the issue due to overhearing a telephone conversation she was having while I was in the house and she was in the garden. I don't want her to think I was ear wigging.

OP posts:
Whaleandsnail6 · 10/07/2021 08:20

Yeah, I'd be offering to replace and going round with son to apologise.

I think you have to decide how suitable your garden is for playing football in. I know it's hard but my kids couldn't stop kicking our ball over the fence so ball games are now banned in our garden as it's not fair on the neighbours.

They can play other things in the garden or go on the front on their skateboards, bikes or scooters but unfortunately now it's the park for ball games.

whatswithtodaytoday · 10/07/2021 08:21

I would be very grateful if you did that, v yes.

My son breaks my flowers with the football sometimes and it's upsetting, so if it were someone else's child I'd likely be quite cross!

Whinge · 10/07/2021 08:23

@Window1

Thanks for quick responses. Will ban the ball in the garden as that's the only Way to guarantee it won't go over.

I don't know how to approach the conversation as i only know about the issue due to overhearing a telephone conversation she was having while I was in the house and she was in the garden. I don't want her to think I was ear wigging.

How about knocking on the door and when you ask for the ball back say something like:

I'm really sorry that the ball has gone over again, I hope it hasn't caused any damage. From now on we're going to play with other toys and save the ball for the park.

That way she gets a chance to explain about the flowers, and knows she no longer needs to worry about the ball coming over each week.

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2021 08:25

When DSs were little they kicked a ball into our then neighbours garden and it smashed one of their plant pots.
We immediate went out and got a similar one to replace. TBF they were all ‘oh you shouldn’t have it’s wasn’t necessary’ etc but it was the right thing to do.

In the end we decided football in the garden wasn’t a great idea and they took their football to the park. I don’t think it’s possible to be ‘careful’ kicking a football about the garden and it’s plant pots one day and possibly the neighbours head the next.

Original poster
Window1 · 10/07/2021 08:27

Thanks again, I've been overthinking it since I heard and will resolve today to make amends and settle my mind!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2021 08:28

@Window1

Thanks again, I've been overthinking it since I heard and will resolve today to make amends and settle my mind!
Even if it’s awkward and they are all ‘oh you shouldn’t have’ it’s good for neighbourly relations. Smile
superstar84 · 10/07/2021 08:28

What about a garden centre voucher? Then she can pick her own

emilyfrost · 10/07/2021 08:28

Yes, you need to fix this. I would not be giving the ball back if it was happening as frequently as once a week.

Original poster
Window1 · 10/07/2021 08:29

@superstar84

What about a garden centre voucher? Then she can pick her own
I think that's what I'll do as I'm not a garden person but she is and will have a much better idea of what she needs.
OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 10/07/2021 08:29

I was just going to suggest a garden centre voucher as your son could take it round as a thankyou for interrupting them numerous times with the ball etc.

Original poster
Window1 · 10/07/2021 08:30

@emilyfrost

Yes, you need to fix this. I would not be giving the ball back if it was happening as frequently as once a week.
I feel awful reading that.
OP posts:
Original poster
Window1 · 10/07/2021 08:30

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

I was just going to suggest a garden centre voucher as your son could take it round as a thankyou for interrupting them numerous times with the ball etc.
Will do. She is a lovely neighbour with a lovely garden and I don't want to be THAT neighbour.
OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2021 08:31

@emilyfrost

Yes, you need to fix this. I would not be giving the ball back if it was happening as frequently as once a week.
Once a week isn’t really ‘frequent’ TBF.

Frequent would be multiple times a day. Well in my book anyway.

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2021 08:32

Don’t let people make you feel awful @Window1.
It’s a football once a week nobody has committed a terrible crime here. Confused

Nitgel · 10/07/2021 08:33

Teach him skills to keep the all in your garden and its abit sad to ban him playing in his own garden imo.

hedgehogger1 · 10/07/2021 08:34

Once a week is definitely frequent. I'd be pissed off if a ball was wrecking my plants.

999caffeineplease · 10/07/2021 08:34

You sound like a really considerate neighbour.

I wouldn’t worry about it seeming like you’re ear wigging, as it’s not as though you’re gossiping, just trying to rectify a problem that’s come to your attention!

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 10/07/2021 08:35

Plants for next door and swing football for the kids.
Job done!

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2021 08:41

Yes! I remember we had some sort of football gizmo that was like swingball. So the ball was tethered to something on the ground on a string.

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