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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Replace neighbour flowers after ball over fence?

104 replies

Window1 · 10/07/2021 08:12

My neighbours new flowers got crushed by my sons football which went over the back fence while he was playing in the back garden. I know she will have to take some out and replace now.

Should I be offering to replace them, or perhaps let my son take round a new planter with an apology about the ball going over?

We tell him to be careful with it but it accidentally goes over probably once per week.

OP posts:
Nitgel · 10/07/2021 09:01

Ask the neighbour if they would like you to replace anything. Then end it.

Mangofandangoo · 10/07/2021 09:01

My neighbours son knackered two fences between our houses with his football. she said enough was enough and stopped him playing with the ball in the garden

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2021 09:03

@Mangofandangoo

My neighbours son knackered two fences between our houses with his football. she said enough was enough and stopped him playing with the ball in the garden
Urgh. I bet the bang bang bang of the ball against the fence was a joy. ☹️
Houseplantmad · 10/07/2021 09:08

Your neighbour will appreciate you doing this. So far ours have wrecked our garden lights when their dog chewed through the wiring having dug under the fence, broken pots when footballs and hard cricket balls come over (up to several times a day) and now one of them plays tennis against the wooden fence between us for hours at a time.
No apology, no replacement of anything. I now keep the balls as I am so sick of cricket balls hitting my windows and tennis balls flying over when we are using the garden plus the tennis thump thump thump is unbearable. Mind you, it makes a change from playing tennis against the party wall inside which is what happens over winter. They find nothing wrong with these things when mentioned to them Hmm

Ideasplease322 · 10/07/2021 09:15

I don’t have children and everyone assumes I will be cross of footballs come into my garden. I really don’t mind at all.

In this case I think you should replace the flowers, apologise and say your son will be more careful.

But don’t ban a football in the garden, that’s what gardens are for☺️

Freddiefox · 10/07/2021 09:38

@girlmom21

I think a voucher for the garden centre is a really love idea.

I'm glad I don't live next to any of the people who'd steal a child's ball for them accidentally kicking it over the fence Hmm

Me too, our balls go over the neighbours fence a lot, she’s lovely sends them right back. But we are nice to her. Get her some shopping, chat to her for a long time when as she’s on her own. Mow her grass when we do ours.

It’s just a bit of give and take when you live very close to others.

Op try not to worry, but her a few plants and realise that you are a good neighbour. Plenty of other people wouldn’t even think twice about it

godmum56 · 10/07/2021 09:41

@Ideasplease322

I don’t have children and everyone assumes I will be cross of footballs come into my garden. I really don’t mind at all.

In this case I think you should replace the flowers, apologise and say your son will be more careful.

But don’t ban a football in the garden, that’s what gardens are for☺️

depends on the size of the garden, the skill of the child andf the weight of the football.
Newmumatlast · 10/07/2021 09:52

@Window1

Thanks for quick responses. Will ban the ball in the garden as that's the only Way to guarantee it won't go over.

I don't know how to approach the conversation as i only know about the issue due to overhearing a telephone conversation she was having while I was in the house and she was in the garden. I don't want her to think I was ear wigging.

Do you have a window in your house where you can see in her garden? Could you say you happened to be upstairs at the time and saw it happen?
Couchbettato · 10/07/2021 09:55

@Window1

Thanks for quick responses. Will ban the ball in the garden as that's the only Way to guarantee it won't go over.

I don't know how to approach the conversation as i only know about the issue due to overhearing a telephone conversation she was having while I was in the house and she was in the garden. I don't want her to think I was ear wigging.

"hi neighbour, I'm awfully sorry but I overheard you saying my son's ball had damaged your plants. We'd really like to give you these, and we'll find a solution to stop it happening again."
ittakes2 · 10/07/2021 10:19

You can buy nets you put up to stop this if you want. I think they are called stop nets.

De88 · 10/07/2021 10:24

@Window1

Thanks for quick responses. Will ban the ball in the garden as that's the only Way to guarantee it won't go over.

I don't know how to approach the conversation as i only know about the issue due to overhearing a telephone conversation she was having while I was in the house and she was in the garden. I don't want her to think I was ear wigging.

Just be honest. You weren't earwigging, you couldn't help but overhear it and you didn't realise otherwise would have thought to do something sooner.
Halfwaytoholiday · 10/07/2021 10:25

Get him to play in the direction of the other neighbour a bit?

Warmduscher · 10/07/2021 10:25

OP, just remind yourself that there are some posters on here who always post the most extreme responses to threads like yours. You get to recognise the usernames after a while. I would move if I lived next door to someone like them.

Thankfully it sounds like your neighbour isn’t like that and you’ve already thought of several things you can do to resolve the situation. So those posters can be ignored.

Original poster
Window1 · 10/07/2021 10:29

Thanks everyone for your input.

My son is 9 so has a little freedom to play out the front but only tends to do so if his friends are out. He would usually play in the garden if he is on his own.

We are in a built up area with lots of children around although a few of our neighbours have grown up children, including next door. We have a few gardens that connect to ours but the ball always seems to go to that one garden.

I guess I probably thought it was a harmless ball going over, in the sense that you find a ball and throw it back. It wasn't until I heard the conversation that I realised some damage may have been caused.

My son and I have both written in a card and popped £20 in there with an apology and wish to buy something nice for the garden.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2021 10:35

In general in RL it is a case of a harmless ball going over and there's no keeping the ball or sticking a knife in it etc. That seems to be a MN thing.
Most people see a football in their garden and boot it back in the right direction. The end.

I think you have done a good thing for neighbourly relations.

TheGirlWhoLived · 10/07/2021 14:43

Just to add another voice into the mix, next door kick their balls into our garden about 3-4 times a day- the kids think it’s great fun collecting them all up and throwing them back!

But it seems we’re quite unique Grin

TheGirlWhoLived · 10/07/2021 14:44

Although I did actually accidentally throw it into their flowerbed last time Blush shouldn’t try and throw with wine in my hand Wine

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2021 14:46

@TheGirlWhoLived

Just to add another voice into the mix, next door kick their balls into our garden about 3-4 times a day- the kids think it’s great fun collecting them all up and throwing them back!

But it seems we’re quite unique Grin

Now 3-4 times a day, I would call that frequent! Grin
TheGirlWhoLived · 10/07/2021 14:47

I don’t think he’s going to be the next Harry Kane tbh

Sparklingbrook · 10/07/2021 14:53

@TheGirlWhoLived

I don’t think he’s going to be the next Harry Kane tbh
Grin
girlmom21 · 10/07/2021 15:03

@TheGirlWhoLived

I don’t think he’s going to be the next Harry Kane tbh
You clearly didn't watch the last England match Grin
furstivetreats · 10/07/2021 15:11

@Sparklingbrook

In general in RL it is a case of a harmless ball going over and there's no keeping the ball or sticking a knife in it etc. That seems to be a MN thing. Most people see a football in their garden and boot it back in the right direction. The end.

I think you have done a good thing for neighbourly relations.

There's also a middle ground though between keeping the ball forever/sticking a knife in and thinking it's wonderful every time one comes over. It would be irritating if your plants were getting damaged. Not the end of the world, not a disaster, not something to decide you hate the neighbour, their child and the ball over, but still irritating.

I was irritated the other night when the doorbell went at 9pm because the neighbours wanted their ball back, because I was in bed trying to sleep for an early shift. I don't hate the neighbours, I gave them their ball back but I wouldn't have done it again that night.

thisplaceisweird · 10/07/2021 15:13

Once a week??? Blimey I would not be happy about that

StoneofDestiny · 10/07/2021 15:15

You sound like a very considerate neighbour OP. If only others were just as considerate with their neighbours rights to live in peace.

Hankunamatata · 10/07/2021 15:17

I only allow those really light beach ball style balls in the garden so it they go over they don't do any damage