To not like my child after school

[mintaerobrownie]

My lovely DS is an absolute horror after school, tired, cries at anything, very short tempered and hits his sister, shouts in her face. I tell him off and he cries more. Sobs if I ask him to say sorry and refuses.

He perks up after dinner and seems happy. He's an absolute angel at school ( reception) seems to be doing well, is quite a tale teller to the teacher if anyone is being naughty. And at the weekends no problems with behaviour at all. So is it just tiredness?

I just told him he can't watch TV due to hitting his sister ( who's 1) and he's sobbing on the sofa 😭 I try everyday to be positive and loving after school and we went to get an icecream, but then the poor behaviour starts when we get home. It's been the same all school year 🥺 His sister is demanding and I do acknowledge that could be part of it.

I never ask ds about school until he has had a snack!

If he perks up after dinner, is he hungry? Try a snack after school.

Hideous stage. He will slowly improve next term. Definitely yes to a snack!

Big, fatty snack at the school gate. Do not engage with needling: smile and nod. Go to your happy place. Obviously you have to engage if he hits his sister, but apart from that, nothing.

Put him straight in the bath when you get home. It's like a magical panacea

Best of British to you 💪

Ah yes the witching hour! Chuck food at him the minute you collect him from school

I agree is he just hungry!? If he perks up after dinner......mine are always starving when they come out of school I don't even attempt conversation until they have had a snack

Try giving him a quiet, safe space for when he arrives home, maybe a pop up tent in his room with some battery lights, cushions or pillows, a snug little nest if you like. Quiet, cosy and welcoming should be the vibe.

Maybe he needs time to process all the events of the school day, and when he's done that in his safe space, he will be ready to join in with the family because he's refreshed.

He’s clearly tired after school!! Mine certainly were at that age.

Just hand him a snack as soon as you see him, give him a big drink of water and keep him and his sister apart.

My ds liked to sit in his room by himself when he got home from school. The last thing he needed was his younger sister bothering him.

Bath or swimming. Always like hitting a reset button. Different (clean) child comes out and you can start afresh!

Note: do not use this method on a hungry child. That's like throwing a pre-gremlin into water. #80s

Snack and a nap/quiet time (book, audio book etc.) directly after school?

Have a read of this:

After School Restraint Collapse

He’s used up all of his compliance at school and is disregulated. Give him some space, don’t get into a power battle with him, don’t let him do anything majorly bad but let most of it go.

Oh god I just used the throw peanut butter toast at them and back away slowly. He’s just tired and hungry.

Yup, hungry and knackered is my vote too! Especially this end of term.

Snack and nothing too strenuous. In this house, it’s throw food at them at the school gate then let them watch TV to decompress

My dd is in reception and she’s an utter beast after school. I’ve noticed pretty bad behaviour from lots of other kids at pick up too.

I agree with a snack ASAP, whether it’s on the way home from school or as soon as you get in. We used to do biscuit, banana and a drink. Then some down time and they’d be revived!

Yup, tired and hangry. I'm the same after work TBH. Give him a snack and a drink and somewhere quiet to relax for a bit.

My daughter is like this and she is only at preschool for a morning so god knows what September will be like! Today she's been aggravating and argumentative and I counting down til bedtime wondering what the weekend will be like

Three of my children have been like this, as was I (and still am to a certain extent). He is likely exhausted from having to watch his behaviour all day long and keep some feelings suppressed. I don't think he needs punishing. He feels safe with you to let go. This is more common with certain neurodiversities, but not always.

We tend to spend the drive back from school in stony silence - for fear of getting into an argument with DS1, who’s 11- and he will come and cuddle up and tell me about his day before his bedtime. DS2, although much younger, is not so overtly volatile.

If he perks up after dinner, surely it's pretty obviously at least partly to do with hunger? Also, some kids have real trouble with the transition from school to home at the end of the school day. Not necessarily due to just tiredness, but because they've had to spend all day controlling their behaviour, their interactions with lots of other people etc. And then they let go of all that when they come home.

My ds was a bit like that. He needed a (preferably non-sugary) snack immediately, and ideally a little bit of decompression time to go and sit in his room and not interact with people (especially siblings!) In fact ideally he still needs that, and he's 13! In fact dh ideally needs it too.

He’s hangry! Mine get high carb snacks as soon as they get in for exactly this reason!

My DCs both have a terrible case of endoftermitis at the moment, they will be lovely once the summer holidays start.

I feel exactly the same.

Sugary snacks make things worse here. I try to get something half decent down mine as an afternoon snack but it isn't easy. They don't want to eat brown toast of carrot sticks.
Often they don't perk up properly until just before bedtime.

Hunger and fatigue are known to affect emotional regulation significantly and sometimes parents underestimate how tiring a school day can be for children with immature nervous sytems, particularly if they have a sensitive disposition. I'm sure if you give him something to eat and some down time that will be a great help.