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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not like my child after school

63 replies

mintaerobrownie · 09/07/2021 16:18

My lovely DS is an absolute horror after school, tired, cries at anything, very short tempered and hits his sister, shouts in her face. I tell him off and he cries more. Sobs if I ask him to say sorry and refuses.

He perks up after dinner and seems happy. He's an absolute angel at school ( reception) seems to be doing well, is quite a tale teller to the teacher if anyone is being naughty. And at the weekends no problems with behaviour at all. So is it just tiredness?

I just told him he can't watch TV due to hitting his sister ( who's 1) and he's sobbing on the sofa 😭 I try everyday to be positive and loving after school and we went to get an icecream, but then the poor behaviour starts when we get home. It's been the same all school year 🥺 His sister is demanding and I do acknowledge that could be part of it.

OP posts:

Original poster

mintaerobrownie · 09/07/2021 16:42

Wow this is quite normal then. I do see a lot of snacks being immediately inserted on pickup 😲

My DH says I'm lucky I get to pick DS up from school everyday and I seriously said I'd rather be at work.

OP posts:

EKGEMS · 09/07/2021 16:43

Carb and protein snack no sugar! Sugar is like waving a red flag at a bull! Pretty soon little sister will be able to defend herself and slap him back which may cure him of that behavior as a natural consequence

Jmaho · 09/07/2021 16:46

My eldest who is now 11 was like this when he started school. Still is if I'm honest. His very lovely nursery (school based) teacher told me to always bring a biscuit to pick up and it always worked for us. I don't do it now he's older

OffCycling · 09/07/2021 16:48

My daughter was like this and we followed all the good suggestions about snacks etc after school which helped a bit. Finally figured out (when she was 18!) that she's on the autistic spectrum and was spending all day masking at school, leading to meltdowns at home. Wish we'd known years ago as we would have approached so many things differently. She threw all the furniture she could out of bedroom after school one day aged 5. No one could believe it though as she was so good and quiet at school.

EsmeeMerlin · 09/07/2021 16:48

Agree with others, my ds was like that when he was in reception, particularly towards the end of the week and the end of term. Fridays were always the worst so he would go to bed an hour earlier on a Friday. A good snack and some down time will help. It does get better, ds is now in year 2 and copes well now.

lanthanum · 09/07/2021 16:50

Another vote for food straight after school!

And then find what works for you - half an hour in front of the telly sometimes lets them unwind, or anything else where they can relax and not have to interact for a bit.

Mine had meltdowns many days after school when in reception, and they resurfaced in the first week of every term for years - the first week back is tiring when you've been away for a bit.

hibbledibble · 09/07/2021 16:51

Do you not give snacks? This is hunger. Feed the poor child and your gremlin will turn into a cherub.

RandomMess · 09/07/2021 16:52

@mintaerobrownie your DH is hilarious!!!

When we switched roles I remember in the March a declaration from DH

"I finally got them all home from school today with no one crying" 😆😆😆😆

It was a 20 minute scooter ride max.

Youdiditanyway · 09/07/2021 16:53

I found that age incredibly difficult. They’re still so young and struggle to regulate their emotions. They’ve probably kept it in all day at school then enter their safe space when they see you and explode. It’s very common, you aren’t alone with this at all. Just take snacks and a drink and don’t ask anything too taxing until they’ve had them.

Bananarama100 · 09/07/2021 16:57

My DH says I'm lucky I get to pick DS up from school everyday and I seriously said I'd rather be at work.

Do not feel guilty for thinking that way! It's really tough sometimes but yes, as everyone has said, some snacks and a bit of breathing space will help.

My son is in year 1 now and still has some days like this where he's just exhausted and hangry. As we walk in the door, I suggest to him that I'll get the snacks while he goes up to see his teddies who have missed him terribly... it gives him 'permission' to be a little babyish and cuddle his teddies for a bit of comfort, while knowing food is on its way.

It get's easier.

Original poster

mintaerobrownie · 09/07/2021 17:01

I know so many kids that do clubs after school, brownies, scouts, tennis, dance, drama, football, swimming, instruments, tennis.. I can't imagine DS being able to do any of these. He is a sensitive little soul, so maybe it's just him and as he moves up the school he'll build his stamina. Roll on the holidays although I'm also a bit scared of him hosing six weeks off.

OP posts:

TheHuntingOfTheSarky · 09/07/2021 17:01

When DD2 was in Reception we had to wait around for 15 mins for her big sister to finish school. She had a meltdown during this time every single day until her teacher started giving her a biscuit 10 mins before I picked her up. From that point on she was much better. Just took a bit of forward thinking!

CrouchEndTiger12 · 09/07/2021 17:01

Just leave him alone, give him food.

I remember the second I saw my mum at pick up, always the same...right what did you do today. She used to needle me about what we did react with horror if I brushed her off by saying nothing.

I've just left school I don't want to talk about it. It is like doing a long working day for a child.

N4ish · 09/07/2021 17:02

Yes, we had this in reception. Carbs/snacks were the answer and also me refusing to engage with any bad behaviour. Straight home to wind down in peace.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 09/07/2021 17:02

Mines 7 and just had a meltdown.Hes right as rain now eating a punnet of strawberries.

MiaMarshmallows · 09/07/2021 17:06

I struggle even as a grown up when I come home from work!
I need an hour or two to myself, then I can 'people' again

lastcall · 09/07/2021 17:09

Carry decent snacks with you to school when you pick him up and tell him to eat it as you walk home.

Nocutenamesleft · 09/07/2021 17:12

@SummerHouse

Bath or swimming. Always like hitting a reset button. Different (clean) child comes out and you can start afresh!

Note: do not use this method on a hungry child. That's like throwing a pre-gremlin into water. #80s

Hahahaha.

Brilliant reference. Totally remember that film! Though surely it would be done take them swimming after midnight eh?

ForeverSausages · 09/07/2021 17:12

Hahaha on collection hand him a snack. Don't ask any questions. Just agree with his dramatic day. If there's anything I've learnt it's that 😂.

KNain · 09/07/2021 17:19

I could have written this post!! My Reception age DS1 is exactly the same. I feel awful because DS2 (age 3) looks forward to his brother coming home all day and then DS1 is awful to him.

A big snack helps a bit, but not for long. I mostly find telly and just leaving him alone to veg for a bit helps. He's better after tea but I actually think that's less about the food and more the amount of time that's passed for him to 'reset'.

I also think nerves about end of term/summer holidays/year one are playing a big part at the moment.

Sarahlou252 · 09/07/2021 17:19

I never ever ever arrive at the school gates without a snack and never ever ever engage in conversation until she's eaten it!!!!
Tiredness and hunger, not a good mix!!

Mangomoonlight · 09/07/2021 17:29

My ore-schooler is the same. The two year old has just had a clout with his monster truck and he’s had a meltdown because I wouldn’t let him eat another packet of crisps that he’d helped himself to.
Roll on bath and bedtime!! (Although I find Saturday mornings pretty similar..)

Changednamesorry · 09/07/2021 17:37

This is why in Spain we have "merienda" this is an AT THE SCHOOL GATE snack. To be sin merendar (un-afternoon snacked!)is an accepted cause of children being grumpy. Don't worry sounds like he's a standard kid ,🙂

everythingbackbutyou · 09/07/2021 17:39

You lot are making me feel better. Kindergarten son is just like this. Sometimes it seems like all the other children are holding it together apart from my circus sideshow. It's lovely to be reminded that's not true.

Serenschintte · 09/07/2021 17:44

I used to feed mine the minute I collected them from School. Now they are teens the kitchen is the first thing they head to when they get home from school.

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