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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Last day of term detention

59 replies

mamaduckbone · 08/07/2021 19:17

It's my ds2's last day of term tomorrow and they finish at 12.30. It's also his birthday and he's going out with friends straight from school. He's turning 12.

He was given a lunchtime detention today for what seems to be a fairly minor offence (although I realise that I'm only hearing ds's POV) It means staying behind tomorrow when everyone has gone. Why any teacher in their right mind would want kids there after term ends is beyond me, but there you go...

Now, I'm usually 100% on the teacher's side (I'm one myself) and supportive of whatever sanctions are put in place. However, on this one occasion WIBU to write a note saying we have plans directly after school so he can't stay, and get ds to write a letter of apology instead?
(I think not, Dh thinks he should do the detention)

OP posts:
MattHancocksSexTape · 08/07/2021 19:18

What did he do?

Findahouse21 · 08/07/2021 19:18

Depends what the behaviour was when I spoke to the school I think

agapanthus1979 · 08/07/2021 19:26

Do the crime, do the time.
Valuable lesson for him.
Appalling lesson for him if you lie to get him out of it.

mineofuselessinformation · 08/07/2021 19:26

You need to get the full story from the school.
I doubt they will be doing it lightly.

DocsOddSocks · 08/07/2021 19:28

@mamaduckbone YABU. That's teaching him he can do what he likes with no consequences.

July2mebabywouldJuly2me · 08/07/2021 19:30

Now, I'm usually 100% on the teacher's side

There's your first mistake.

Teachers aren't infallible and some are downright vindictive.

Tell the school you're picking him up at noon and do so.

Mojitofairy · 08/07/2021 19:30

How long is the detention? 30 mins? An hour? If it’s his birthday then his friends wait for him, then off they go. Really not seeing the issue here. If he doesn’t like the punishment maybe he’ll think twice before doing something wrong next time.

Budgetating · 08/07/2021 19:36

What time is the official end of term? Surely he's not allowed on school premises after.

FunMcCool · 08/07/2021 19:53

What did he do? How long is it? If it’s 10/15mins then let it go if it’s an hour then maybe speak to the school. Maybe ask
If he can come in early and do it before school or at break?

GertietheGherkin · 08/07/2021 19:57

If he thinks he should do the detention, then he has obviously done something to deserve it.

He wants to do it, but you don't want him to. If he's OK doing the detention, then let him do it. He'll still be able to see his friends.

ThursdayWeld · 08/07/2021 19:59

We need a bit more information here, before we sanction you undermining another teacher and school.

Mummasdiary2021 · 08/07/2021 20:26

just let him enjoy his birthday with his friends. He's not going to learn anything from detention

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 08/07/2021 20:46

If you're a teacher yourself, you know full well that the appearance of a letter actually means 'I've been told to write this letter by my Mum and I don't give a shit whether you believe or it or not as long as I don't miss out on half an hour of my birthday'.

He's earned a half hour detention. It won't stop being his birthday in those 30 minutes, he'll just have to wait until he's sat there for what is more likely going to be 10 minutes - as long as he doesn't fuck it up with a half arsed letter or his Mummy saying it's a bit mean to keep him behind on his birthday.

I'm definitely with your DH on this. It's hardly sending the birthday boy down the salt mines for twenty years.

mineofuselessinformation · 08/07/2021 20:48

'He's not going to learn anything from detention', besides the fact that there are consequences for his behaviour.... Hmm

Geamhradh · 08/07/2021 20:50

Detention on the last day of term is probably for something fairly serious. No teacher on this planet wants term to continue any longer.
Don't write the letter.

myfuckingfreezer · 08/07/2021 20:51

@agapanthus1979

Do the crime, do the time. Valuable lesson for him. Appalling lesson for him if you lie to get him out of it.
What lie?
CaptainMyCaptain · 08/07/2021 20:52

@Budgetating

What time is the official end of term? Surely he's not allowed on school premises after.
The teachers don't vacate the place straight after the children. They will be there for some time but I'm sure none of them actually want to supervise the detention so it must have been quite serious. He needs to face up to it, it would be a terrible lesson to get him out of it so he can go out with his friends. If it was my son I'd stop him going out anyway.
chilledteacher · 08/07/2021 20:52

My son was given a phallic shaped straw at school this year by a friend on his 16th birthday. Thought it would be hilarious to pull it out in his maths lesson, had it confiscated and had to go and retrieve it from the Head of Year after school and serve his detention time. He owned it and moved on, still had plenty of birthday left after.

girlmom21 · 08/07/2021 20:56

Honestly on the last day of term if he doesn't turn up to detention nobody's going to care.

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/07/2021 20:58

@girlmom21

Honestly on the last day of term if he doesn't turn up to detention nobody's going to care.
I think you are wrong there. If they didn't care he wouldn't have been given the detention.
agapanthus1979 · 08/07/2021 21:01

@myfuckingfreezer
That they (implying the family) have plans.
He wants to see his mates. He might be half an hour late.
Hardly as if they're off on a charity mission to Peru....

girlmom21 · 08/07/2021 21:03

@CaptainMyCaptain and I think you're wrong.

They'll give the kid detention to spite him and teach him a lesson. It's no skin off their nose if he doesn't turn up.

warmfluffytowels · 08/07/2021 21:08

I think you are wrong there. If they didn't care he wouldn't have been given the detention.

What consequences will there be, though? It's the end of term - they can't force him to stay.

Original poster
mamaduckbone · 08/07/2021 21:08

@GertietheGherkin he doesn't think he deserves it.

According to him, he was accused of distracting others, he didn't think he was, so said as much, and was given the detention for answering the teacher back. If he was rude, fair enough, but she didn't actually go through the sanction stages and issue a penalty first, and hasn't been in touch with us, which is usually the case for anything serious enough to warrant a detention. (plenty of practice at this from ds1, unfortunately) She was trying to do a 'normal' lesson in food tech on the last but one day of term with knackered year 7s, so I'm sure focus wasn't great generally.

Ds is also miffed because she saw one of the girls with her phone out and didn't issue a detention even though that is school policy.

Point taken though.
I will suggest he speaks to his form tutor and asks if he can go to see the teacher to apologise. If he chooses not to go to the detention (half an hour, for those who asked) I can't honestly see there being any consequence, and he has said he'd rather get an hour's detention on the first day back in September if it comes to it, but that's his lookout.

OP posts:
Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 08/07/2021 21:12

Christ, no wonder teachers have such a tough job.