To feel weird about my surname...divorce.

[princessconsuelabananahammock4]

Been married 9 years. 2 young dcs. All currently share husbands (soon to be ex) name.

It's mostly very amicable and I always thought I'd want the same name as my dcs but I just feel weird about keeping his.

I also feel weird about using my maiden name.

WWYD or what have you done if you felt similar?

Hi op I am in the process of divorce currently.
When he first left I was completely blindsided by and wanted to keep his surname. Now time has gone on the last thing I want is his surname lol.
But I agree it does seem strange to revert back to maiden name.

@Inthesameboatatmo is now the time to get creative?! I'm not sure if it causes any issues not having the same names as dcs for travel etc?

I've never thought of that re travel.
Yes I feel like getting creative and completely changing my surname from maiden name to something else entirely

It’s still your name. It wasn’t his on loan.

My mum changed hers to something completely new and made up, changed her first and middle names at the same time but she never does anything by halves!

Give it some time if things are raw. If you keep it it’ll be to have the same name as your DC, loads of women do that and feel good about it.

I kept it as it’s mine too and I wanted the same name as my daughter. I’ve never really felt odd about it though.

I didn't change my name back. I far preferred it to my original one.

This is why I didn’t change mine when I got married.
Having a different surname to your kids doesn’t cause any issues at airports. It’s a good idea to have their birth certificate with you, but that’s true even if you share a name.

I'm still waiting on divorce but I changed back to my maiden name by deed poll when we first separated

In the middle of this debate with myself. My finances are still in my maiden name (never got round the changing them!), but I took his surname when we married. Mostly because it’s less hassle than my maiden name which in this area gets mispronounced constantly.

Now divorcing, no children to worry about. Don’t want to revert to my maiden name due to reason above, and actually like my name with his surname, trips off the tongue nicely as it were. However, I feel slightly odd about keeping his name when I am nothing to do with him. No nastiness between us, so I don’t need to get rid of it as it were.

Dad no longer here so don’t need to worry about his feelings. Mum prefers my married name. I occasionally toy with taking a name from family history eg my grandma’s maiden name, when my divorce Is finalised, but then having to declare 2 other previous names on formal documents etc seems excessive!

Keep going round in circles about it…

Took my middle name as my surname

I kept it because it was easier and nicer than my maiden name, eventually remarried and changed again.

@RandomMess

I kept it because it was easier and nicer than my maiden name, eventually remarried and changed again.

Seriously, I don't get this.

If you didn't like your 'maiden' (hideous term) name, then why not just change it? It's pretty quick and easy in the UK (slightly easier in Scotland than England or Wales, admittedly, but still not impossible).

@LadyJaye partly because it mattered to my DD, partly I didn't want the hassle of changing it.

Why does it matter to anyone else that I didn't change it???

Having a different name to your kids does cause issues at airports - I got in a sticky spot coming back from Copenhagen as my passport is still in my maiden name. On the way out, my husband had taken our toddler through passport control so it wasn't an issue. He stayed out in Copenhagen for business though and we came back earlier, and I got stopped at passport control because my name in my passport was different to my son's. They were about to refer me to the border police as I had no proof we were related, when I had a flash of inspiration and remembered my married name is on my driving licence!

However as long as you work out in advance which documents you need to take to prove you are their mother, it will be fine. Don't let it stop you choosing a cool new name! My nan changed her name to that of her favourite film star after she got divorced!

I went back to my maiden name. Don't mind having a different name to the kids. Having my name back was more important.

I was my maiden name for 26 years. Then my married name for 25 years.
It is now so much a part of who I am, I'd never change it.
He took so much of my life when he left, he's not taking that from me too!

@yesichanged

I'm still waiting on divorce but I changed back to my maiden name by deed poll when we first separated

Why would you pay to use your own name?

A copy birth certificate is cheaper and easier than that, if you’ve lost that, and a marriage certificate is proof of the change in either direction.

Hello OP - I'm also in the getting divorced club! I like my married name - it's pretty cool and much nicer than my maiden name - and I plan on keeping it as DD has the same surname. I'm also keeping all of the lovely members of ex's family who have the name, as they like me more than they like his cheating arse . All of my financial and work stuff remains in my maiden name, as in umpteen years of marriage it was always too much of a hassle to change. So I'm not worried about continuing to use my married name, BUT......what I do need to think about is that I have a gorgeous boyfriend and we've discussed marriage in the next couple of years. His DC are older - grown and pretty much grown - while my DD is younger. If I took his surname then I'd match my step-children but my DD would sort of be the odd one out.....? Not sure I like the sound of that, so it needs thinking about. I might hyphenate, despite not liking that generally.....

However, I feel slightly odd about keeping his name when I am nothing to do with him.

It's your name. You're practically calling yourself his chattel here! Did you only change your name to denote possession?

It's your name. He didn't loan it to you. You don't need permission to use it. You have just as much entitlement to keep using your own name as anybody else. You won't have to pay him royalties for keeping your name. It's your name.

Not me but my sister got divorced last year and has kept her married name, her kids have the same name, she says it's just easier as everything is in her married name it's been hers for the past twenty years.

@NotTheMrMenAgain I ended up double barrelling as my DD really did mind, I didn't hyphenate though and I am generally Mrs CurrentDHSurname rather than the full double barrelled.

I divorced 21 years ago, kept my married name as I had 5 year old DD at the time and thought it would be simpler. Assumed (wrongly) I would remarry at some point but never have done, so still using ex husband’s name now. Have occasionally thought I should do something about it, but don’t like my maiden name so don’t want to revert to that. Guess I’ll just stick with the old one now!

Following with interest.
I am in the about to be divorced club and I was going to change my surname back. I have a DC as well…

Although no children I kept my married name because people I worked with knew me by married name longer than they knew me by my maiden name.

I was too lazy to change official documents, bank accounts, mortgage account, Doctors, car etc etc.

My signature and initials flow better with my married name.

I've been married twice, well legally I still am. I kept my married name for over 10 years after divorce from my first husband. I had young children and it was just easier. I still use my married name officially from my second husband, but it feels awkward, it's not my name. On social media and anything unofficial I've gone back to my maiden name.