Dealing with friends richer than you

[Privilege101]

How do you deal with your most privileged friends?

Due to working in a highly professional field a lot of my friends come from very middle class backgrounds.

Parents own property outright for most or in some cases have bought multiple properties. I have one particular friend after getting married her parents bought her and husband a house for best part of 1 million pounds and recently they bought another house which they are renting out after refurbishing. She already owned a property (3 bed townhouse) outright which is also rented.

It makes me realise how privileged my friends can be and can be hard to deal with when you have parents who are really poor.

I’ve worked quite hard for what I do have, have good health, so I’m grateful. Wondering how you deal with this though? I appreciate its unique..

Disclaimer: I really love these friends but it’s hard to swallow when you see how much more they have compared to you.

It wouldn't bother me because I would rather afford my own things, I'd be quite embarrassed to be getting very expensive gifts from my parents as an adult.

My dh's friends years and years ago were always much better off than we were and we found it draining to keep saying no to outings and things as we couldn't afford it. It is hard and eventually we drifted away as it was obvious they had different interests and could just afford the best in life.
I've no real advice ; it's true that comparing yourself to them will make you unhappy, but it's also hard not to do this ( especially as they are so wealthy )
I count my blessings now, but when your young and starting out it isn't easy to do this.

A lot of my DH's friends are asset wealthy, they own farms and land which has been passed down through family and several have bought other houses to rent out.

My Dh and I rent a small farm and we will never be in the position they are in. But I'm so proud of my Dh and I. We have worked very hard to get where we are with no financial input from anyone. We got a bit of luck at one point when our bank was willing to take a risk with us but even that was down to our good business plan.

I would like, in the future to be able to give my children an inheritance but who knows whether that will happen. Hopefully our kids will be like us, work very hard and appreciate what they have

Focus on what you have rather than what you haven't.

I have friends richer and friends poorer. I've always been able to compartmentatise it. They have more and that's fine. Sometimes I get to enjoy the nice things they have - bonus. They don't make me feel bad, but I also don't make myself feel bad.
The time these things can become an issue is when people want to do expensive holidays or meals. Then you do need sensitivity.

I think my logic is it's the way of the world that some people will be richer. And so I'm always going to be below some people. Why make myself unhappy with constant comparison. But I am not a massively ambitious person.

Agree that your post wasn't clear because I was going to come on and say that I've never had a problem dealing with friends/family with more than me. I have had a problem with wealthy people who think they are better and/or who are completely clueless that not everyone lives like them.... those people don't tend to stay in my life.

In terms of dealing with your feelings of envy I have no idea. I've genuinely never felt envy. I think I'd feel envious of someone who won the lottery maybe, but people who are lucky and/or who've picked and succeeded in high flying careers don't make me envious. I do sometimes feel frustrated at the way our society makes it so much easier for wealthy people to stay wealthy/ grow their wealth etc. And I absolutely feel that there's a real generation of people who have suffered by major shifts in the financial markets eg I know a number of people both personally and professionally who are just that little bit older and were therefore able to buy their first property in their early 20s, before the massive boom started (these are people who are probably around 50 now) - they are all, categorically, financially better off on average than those of us who are just a few years younger.

Again, I don't blame those people. But I DO get frustrated if they're the kind of people who are oblivious about how much bigger structures and norms have facilitated their wealth accumulation. Nothing more irritating than the privately educated, white middle class 50 year old pontificating about how "I've worked hard for what I have" with zero awareness that other people ALSO work hard but don't have even a fraction of it. But like I said, I've pretty much weeded all of those out of my life now!

There is no point whatsoever getting worked up about this. It’s just the way it is. I bet there are loads of people who have less money than you.

Never envy what someone else's has, carve out and find your own happiness.

Some of my friends come from very wealthy and privileged backgrounds, new cars, lovely big houses.

But you know what I'm happy, I have what I have, they have what they have and we just get on with life. I don't envy them for something they were born in to and I wouldn't envy anyone who worked tirelessly and hard to have a better life.

Don't worry about it.

I guess counting your blessings can help- good job, health, opportunities, family. A lot of people in this country don’t have these and a lot of people in the rest of the world don’t either. We can’t have everything, but we can make the most of and appreciate what we do have.