Dealing with friends richer than you

[Privilege101]

How do you deal with your most privileged friends?

Due to working in a highly professional field a lot of my friends come from very middle class backgrounds.

Parents own property outright for most or in some cases have bought multiple properties. I have one particular friend after getting married her parents bought her and husband a house for best part of 1 million pounds and recently they bought another house which they are renting out after refurbishing. She already owned a property (3 bed townhouse) outright which is also rented.

It makes me realise how privileged my friends can be and can be hard to deal with when you have parents who are really poor.

I’ve worked quite hard for what I do have, have good health, so I’m grateful. Wondering how you deal with this though? I appreciate its unique..

Disclaimer: I really love these friends but it’s hard to swallow when you see how much more they have compared to you.

Literally doesnt bother me, I have what they have just probably not of the same quality but I’m happy with what i have achieved. Wealth is only temporary, and it can come and go.

Growing up, we weren't particularly well off, but my parents had some quite rich friends. The way they dealt with it was to shamelessly milk invitations for us kids to swim in their indoor pool. They didn't have children of their own and used to give us lots of sweets to take home.

It is such an immature opinion to be critical of people who have generational wealth. So what if they had it easier than you? Good for them. Do you expect them to give it all away and move to a 2 bed semi so you feel better?

Some people have more than us, some less. I have a friend who inherited his first £10m at age 18 and has done nothing since we left uni and is a bit lost (though does admittedly have a v nice life!!) I also have friends who haven't managed to buy a house yet.

It's just like school - some have more, some have less, some people are more attractive and intelligent than me too. It's something you generally need to get used to if you want to enjoy your life!

I have a failsafe method for dealing with rich friends. If they ever look down on me because I'm not in the same financial bracket as they are, then they immediately become ex-friends.

Works well.

OP can you expand on what you mean by "how do you deal with them?"

I have much richer friends, and also one of my sisters has a very luxurious lifestyle. I deal with these friends just the same as everyone else.

Why do you find it "hard to swallow?" There will always be people who have more than you despite not working harder. There will always be people worse off than you, despite working much harder.

I have a very privileged cousin - so have to stay friendly ish.
What annoys me though is the failure to recognise her privilege & how she buys into the "benefits cheat" rhetoric.

You can either get annoyed and wind yourself up about it or you can forget it and crack on with life.

What do you do when you meet someone who is naturally incredibly beautiful or intelligent? Do you struggle to deal with their good fortune and resent what they inherited from parents?

That doesn’t happen to me in my professional field, no. What do you do? I’m guessing it pays pretty well and you’ll probably do ok for yourself.

I'm not sure that holds true anymore. It's hard to create wealth & more important what your parents have or is passed down as opposed to your salary.

My circle all have good jobs but the richest friend left school at 18 & worked in CS admin. She has one of those excellent pensions & her parents bought her a flat in the late 90s. She now lives in a 2m house & has recently purchased a holiday home.

Like others I can’t work out what it is you need to deal with unless it’s your own feelings of I don’t know, jealousy? Resentment? I mean you’re not wrong that some people are more privileged than others but that’s life, it’s not anything new. People are just people so deal with them the same way you do everyone else you know!

I have a very rich friend, one friend has won a lot of money on the lottery, lots of friends who I think are in similar circumstances and
a few friends who I think I might have more money than them but I don't really know.
Recently I had cancer and each and every one of these friends have supported me through the treatment.
I don't care whether they have £1, £50 or a million pounds in the bank as long as they treat me like I treat them I wouldn't judge.

I think you'll come across this wherever you sit on the social ladder, to be honest - DH and I come from very comfortable, middle class backgrounds, but also have received no 'direct' financial help beyond a bit of help with tuition fees (back when they were lower) - nothing towards property. But we have friends who have been bought property outright - what I personally find difficult to deal with is when those friends don't acknowledge their privilege and say things like 'well why don't you cut back at work so you can spend more time with your kids, money isn't everything' - easy to say when your rich relatives bought you a house mortgage-free when you were 23 that you then rented out for years...

So for those posters who say 'what's the issue' - it's just hard seeing people with so much more than you have, who didn't work for it, and who don't realise the benefits it brings them in life. Of course I'm aware that likely also applies to myself...

@Privilege101 & @Classicolive I agree. My neighbour earns far more than me but pays 4x my mortgage in rent!

My friend is lovely though & appreciates her privilege & I will be staying in her summer house 😁

It is such an immature opinion to be critical of people who have generational wealth.

Why is it immature to talk about social mobility?

i have got a friend who is mega rich.....started off on a Glasgow slum. I don't really think about it.

You’re struggling with the fact that some of your friends have more money than you. I think deal with it or get different friends who are poorer.

I think if they are nice people and good friends, it shouldn't be a problem.

My friends and I don't talk about money, it is bloody obvious who has and who hasn't.

I am the least well-off in my friendship group (of 20+ years). They know not to invite me skiing or suggest I privately school my kids to avoid the awful secondary school my eldest attends.

There is still plenty to talk about, meeting for coffee is cheap and we are there for each other when life hits the shit, which happens to everyone, regardless of money.

My best friend is seriously wealthy and I am middling comfortable. For me I think we have made very different but equally valid choices in life and as I respect hers, she respects mine. Both of us have pulled ourselves up by our bootstraps.
The people I sometimes get a niggle of annoyance at, are those with inherited wealth, though I know they can't help it and I would not expect them to give it away. I don't think they always understand that they don't have it because they are special, just bloody lucky.

A real friend doesn't give a shit if you are rich or poor

We live in a very unequal society where lots of people are born into wealthy families.

It sucks.

I hope they are aware of their privilege. (People's know mostly aren't)

I find that sometimes (but not always) that it's hard to share everyday struggles with wealthier friends. Money just provides a buffer, e.g. if you've got health problems you can go private, if you're stressed out with work and home life you can employ a cleaner or a nanny, if you have a hard time at work you can quit without needing to get another job.

I have a friend who I love a lot but sometimes feels quite disconnected from reality. She had a very normal upbringing and her dad made his money later on which she now benefits from. Generally she is v down to Earth but comments like "god I'd die if I had to go to menorca for my holidays" take the P!

I’m not sure what you are asking? What part of your friend owning property do you need to deal with?

Why does it bother you? Are you jealous? A real friend won't let financial differences effect the friendship and if they do then that's not a genuine friend ... I have friends who are hugely more wealthy than me, and those who are much, much worse off than me. But it doesn't make any difference to the friendship ... obviously I wouldn't go on an expensive holiday with people that couldn't afford it or for an expensive meal out but equally my 'richer' friends know I won't join them for expensive trips but no one cares either way.