Do we need to split this or do I need to get my shit together?

[dustyflipflop]

I am prepared to be told either.
I'm pretty shit at housekeeping and fairly messy so maybe it's just the fact that I'm so unorganised that I can't keep on top of things.

DH works Mon-Fri usually 8-5.30/6pm, non manual job, sometimes requiring nights away and generally always open to a phone call even on an evening and usually finishing bits of paperwork whilst on the sofa on a night.
I work PT 3 days a week fitting around school hours, it's a flexible role and I can pretty much pick and choose my hours as long as I hit the deadlines. This means I work school hours on the 3 days my youngest is at nursery and then evenings and also in between when I can fit an hour in or so to keep on top of stuff sometimes more sometimes less. I do all the school runs and drop offs for obvious reasons.
2 days a week my youngest is at home with me and on one of them we do an activity together.
We are all (4 of us including primary aged dc1) at home on weekends.

Considering I am at home with dc2 for 2 days in the week not counting the 3 hours for the activity on one of the days is it safe to assume I should do absolutely everything to do with the house?
If so then why can't I crack it?

I do all the cooking, laundry, cleaning, washing up and shopping. DH cooks on weekends and will tend to do the dishes then too but apart from that doesn't do anything else past the occasional bit of gardening and taking the bins out.

We had a chat today about the house being a tip, the majority of it is. DH said he can't do it due to working hours and that I should not be picking and choosing what bits I feel like doing that day but should do a schedule and stick to it as I might find it easier.
I don't think he's wrong but I still feel kind of resentful, he gets to just think about work whilst I feel like I'm juggling.
I've never seen him set the washing machine or clean a toilet, never folded DCs clothes or put them away. If he shops he leaves in the kitchen for me to put away as the cupboards are a mess and he says he never knows where stuff can fit.

He does work extremely hard and in a quite pressured role, mine is much more laid back and PT but then I'm juggling school runs, clubs, housework, laundry, shopping. He really does try to do clubs with eldest whenever he can and any extra curricular activities if possible as he doesn't see them much Mon-Fri.

How can I make this work? Do I need to get my backside in gear and organise everything? Is there anything I could expect him to do or should I just work on how I schedule it in?

All opinions welcome.

I dont agree you should be doing it all, perhaps not a 50/50 split but he should absolutely pitch in. I have started following the Organised Mum Method for cleaning, but DH and I do 15 min each so it's not too bad. If he is involved in the tidying he can never say he doesn't know where things go.

We both work full time. I do all the housework, dh does akl gardening and maintenance. We share cooking and share taking dcs to their activities.

This way, it is forcing your dh to be completely responsible for lawns etc rather than you sorting out plant food, painting and he doing the activity then.

It is hard to make a start on major cleaning while minding dcs at the same time Would dh take them out for eg Sat mirn so you could do a few larger jobs?

When I felr overwhemed, I would do half an hour of decluttering most eves when dcs were in bed or going to bed. It would be at 8.30pm til 9 so not awfully late. Going through possessions and seeing what we had, taking things to recycling/charity shop helped me to keep the place tidier as we had less stuff.

@Schrutesbeets

Regardless of the ins and outs of things, I'd say a generic split would be you do what you can manage during the hours he works (don't run yourself ragged but do what you can manage [bearing in mind you also have a toddler with you]), and then weekends you both do an equal amount of chores.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

Usually on Mumsnet the rule of thumb is equal downtime. Do you do what you can but when you're both home he doesn't get to sit about if you're still doing the house.

What a cop out, he's not working crazy hours and is at home at a reasonable time plus weekends, quite frankly if he doesn't like the mess he should clean it up!

How does your "D"H think single parents cope.
I worked 8-6 as a single parent and did everything else as well.
He needs to pitch in. He is being selfish and lazzy. I wouldn't tolerate that.
Working full time doesn't mean you sit on your arse when you get home to small children - when your children are small everyone helps.

Thank you everyone for your comments.

I think this has actually helped me get to the bottom of what's been bothering me and a few of the PPs are right.

1 - I think the house has gotten too much. It's disorganized, cupboards are overflowing, some things don't have a ''home'' and its admittedly overwhelming.
2 - I need a routine, I think a lot of it can be managed if I stuck to some sort of manageable tick list maybe
3 - I think the main thing that's been bothering me about DH is that he doesn't know where a lot of stuff is past his own. Like the DCs clothes and how I fold them so they fit into their drawers neatly. Like what setting the washing gets done on and which clothes can and can't go in the tumble dryer and similar examples.

I think in my head if I fell ill the house would become a complete tip as he would just do the basics of cooking, washing up and sweeping and everything else like the laundry would just become a mess.

I think I kind of know where I want us to be with the housework now.
Hopefully I can implement it.

I really feel for you OP What’s the plan?