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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was a bit inappropriate

78 replies

lifeturnsonadime · 08/07/2021 10:51

I am currently recovering from a bad ankle break which resulted in surgery.

I had a male physiotherapist come to my home a week after I was discharged from hospital. He is not originally from the UK so I am not sure whether what I experienced can be put down to a culture difference or whether it was simply inappropriate but it did make me feel uncomfortable so I would welcome views.

I am having to sleep downstairs as i can't get upstairs due to the fact that we have no handrail so a single bed has been bought downstairs for the time being. Anyhow during the course of my assessment with the physio he made a couple of comments that made me uncomfortable. The first was along the lines of 'some ladies like to be larger' - I am a size 14-16 so I'm not massive but am overweight, I'm not bothered if a professional tells me i should try to loose weight because clearly it wouldn't hurt but this was followed by 'if your husband wants to sleep with you for the next few weeks you could bring a double bed down". The room that I am sleeping in, which he could see, certainly wouldn't fit a double bed.

I'm probably overthinking it but I found both comments really personal and unnecessary. Am i right? I don't really feel comfortable with him coming back but I'm not sure I have valid reasons.

OP posts:
SausagePourHomme · 08/07/2021 10:54

The first comment wouldn't bother but the second one is clearly over the line!

MistyGreenAndBlue · 08/07/2021 11:18

So he made a comment about your weight and then about your sex life. It's not cultural, he's just a rude fucker with no boundaries.
Even if he wasn't though, you are not obliged to have anyone in your home who makes you uncomfortable for any reason.
Especially when you are vulnerable and injured.

Beanybob · 08/07/2021 11:24

I would be calling the service and saying that I would prefer to see somebody else next time. If pressed for the reason I would say inappropriate comments and hopefully they would leave it at that. What a strange thing to say to you Confused

Ozanj · 08/07/2021 11:24

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands. He never asked the question, the physio just volunteered the info. My women’s physio, who is a man, said they will often volunteer info when they feel patients might be too embarrassed to ask.

Beanybob · 08/07/2021 11:29

@Ozanj

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands. He never asked the question, the physio just volunteered the info. My women’s physio, who is a man, said they will often volunteer info when they feel patients might be too embarrassed to ask.
"You've broken your hand, but don't worry, you can still please your partner". What the fuck?

Also how does this justify "some ladies like to be larger"?

LittleGwyneth · 08/07/2021 11:33

@Ozanj

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands. He never asked the question, the physio just volunteered the info. My women’s physio, who is a man, said they will often volunteer info when they feel patients might be too embarrassed to ask.
Sorry but this is VERY weird
Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 08/07/2021 11:34

Is it possible he meant actually sleep? You don't need a double bed to have sex.

scully29 · 08/07/2021 11:35

Surely where he talks about your husband sleeping with you he is referring more literally to the fact he could sleep with you, sleep, rather than there being any mention of sex here? When I read your post I took it as meaning sleep not sex.

Original poster
lifeturnsonadime · 08/07/2021 11:36

@Ozanj

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands. He never asked the question, the physio just volunteered the info. My women’s physio, who is a man, said they will often volunteer info when they feel patients might be too embarrassed to ask.
Really? That's not their job though is it.

I think the issue is solved because I've now been offered physio at the hospital by the consultant.

When he calls to come again I can decline on that basis. I just wonder whether to raise the issue with the team lead as I felt it was inappropriate.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 08/07/2021 11:38

Sleeping with your husband doesn't equal sex. He was just reiterating that you cant go upstairs so if your used to falling asleep with husband then you can bring a bed downstairs.
I think your looking for stuff to be offended at

Original poster
lifeturnsonadime · 08/07/2021 11:38

He may have meant sleep but I really don't think he did. Even the 'some ladies like to be larger' seemed to have undertones of something else to me.

OP posts:
ShowMeTheSugar · 08/07/2021 11:41

In a conversation about weightbearing and exercise on an injured ankle I can easily see how the first point would come up.

For the second I can only see this if the conversation turned to sleeping set up. Depends on how the second came up but Im erring towards YABU.

Summerleaves · 08/07/2021 11:43

I'd report op, could be part of a pattern.

And pp whose husband was told how to do foreplay, that's either bollox or wildly inappropriate.

buckeejit · 08/07/2021 11:44

I'd be annoyed at the wording 'if your husband wants to sleep with you' when you are the patient so patient centred wording like 'if you wanted to sleep with your husband' would be better.

As for 'some ladies like to be larger...fuck knows! I'd like to be Twiggy but it's never going to happen

Original poster
lifeturnsonadime · 08/07/2021 11:47

In a conversation about weightbearing and exercise on an injured ankle I can easily see how the first point would come up.

The consultant said in hospital that it might help if I could lose a bit of weight. I had no issue with that whatsoever.

It was the way in which the physio referred to my weight and sleeping arrangements which were objectionable, I felt there were undertones.

OP posts:
Original poster
lifeturnsonadime · 08/07/2021 11:50

I'd be annoyed at the wording 'if your husband wants to sleep with you' when you are the patient so patient centred wording like 'if you wanted to sleep with your husband' would be better.

I hadn't thought of it like that. I think that might be the source of my discomfort, thank you.

OP posts:
TheOrigRights · 08/07/2021 11:52

Is English his first language?
If not then while 'sleeping with you' would mean sex to a native English speaker, it wouldn't necessarily do so to someone who doesn't speak English as a first language.

The comment about your size seems badly worded.

Either way, if you feel uncomfortable I think you have a right to ask not to be seen by them again.

swampytiggaa · 08/07/2021 11:55

Tbh as an adult I’d assume that you would have realised that a double bed would be more comfortable to share than a single and wouldn’t need it pointing out by a random?

Lokdok · 08/07/2021 11:57

This seems fine to me. He was probably trying to soften his thoughts about weight loss and I'm sure he meant sleeping for the second one. Possibly weird communication skills but not inappropriate in any way.

Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 08/07/2021 11:57

Broken Ankle here too my lovely...

Ok lets just look at the other side for a moment

Weight has been brought up several times and with my consultants as I'm on thinners and that needs to be discussed for the correct dosage. I'm quite athletic so carry a lot of muscle on my thighs and that has been discussed for when I can PWB as it can strain my ankle. weight is a big part of physio, Honestly my weight and fitness levels have never been discussed so much since I broke my ankle. It happened with others I know too as physio need to work out the pressure on your joints etc and your mobility to get around. Yes his wording could have been better and he could also be trying to figure out if you have gained or lost weight since your break and how you could be feeling perhaps?

In terms of the bed, maybe he meant from a point of you being on your own a lot and could do with the company of having your partner next to you to have a bit of normality and your HB is close if you need him in the night from a physio point of view, as you can strain other areas trying to get around in your house. I'm on my own 10hrs a day at the moment, I would really struggle not being in bed with my partner too,

Maggiesfarm · 08/07/2021 12:03

Dreadful man, he should know better. Report him.

Original poster
lifeturnsonadime · 08/07/2021 12:07

Borisjohnsonhairbrush sorry you are suffering too.

I'm the opposite. I need space from people I am in the house 24/7 with 3 people my husband is wfh and my teenagers are home schooled due to SEN. I just can't get away from anyone if I need to at the moment!

I hope you recover soon.

OP posts:
Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 08/07/2021 12:11

@lifeturnsonadime thank you and same to you!

counting down the days now.

If you are unsure about his comments its worth ringing your ortho department to raise it so they can look into it. My physio were not great with me, very pushy and made me feel like i was being a Mard arse, however, I have heard that physio can be like that sometimes x

HarebrightCedarmoon · 08/07/2021 12:11

I think if anyone made you feel uncomfortable you should be able to request someone else. He does sound a bit creepy though.

Seeingadistance · 08/07/2021 12:11

@Ozanj

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands. He never asked the question, the physio just volunteered the info. My women’s physio, who is a man, said they will often volunteer info when they feel patients might be too embarrassed to ask.
I feel queasy just reading this. Completely inappropriate, and really fucking creepy!