Page 2 | To think this was a bit inappropriate

lifeturnsonadime · 2021-07-08T09:51:38+00:00

I am currently recovering from a bad ankle break which resulted in surgery. I had a male physiotherapist come to my home a week after I was discharged from hospital. He is not originally from the UK so I am not sure whether what I experienced can be put down to a culture difference or whether it was simply inappropriate but it did make me feel uncomfortable so I would welcome views. I am having to sleep downstairs as i can't get upstairs due to the fact that we have no handrail so a single bed has been bought downstairs for the time being. Anyhow during the course of my assessment with the physio he made a couple of comments that made me uncomfortable. The first was along the lines of 'some ladies like to be larger' - I am a size 14-16 so I'm not massive but am overweight, I'm not bothered if a professional tells me i should try to loose weight because clearly it wouldn't hurt but this was followed by 'if your husband wants to sleep with you for the next few weeks you could bring a double bed down". The room that I am sleeping in, which he could see, certainly wouldn't fit a double bed. I'm probably overthinking it but I found both comments really personal and unnecessary. Am i right? I don't really feel comfortable with him coming back but I'm not sure I have valid reasons.

Blossomtoes · 08/07/2021 12:17

I’d put it down to English not being his first language and move on. Hope your ankle heals quickly.

spaceghett0 · 08/07/2021 12:18

@Ozanj

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands. He never asked the question, the physio just volunteered the info. My women’s physio, who is a man, said they will often volunteer info when they feel patients might be too embarrassed to ask.

🤣 no they didn't.

Crinkle77 · 08/07/2021 12:30

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands.

WTAF? Completely inappropriate!

Almondcroissant25 · 08/07/2021 12:32

I would chalk this up to a language barrier issue and move on!

UpTheLaganInABubble · 08/07/2021 12:39

if your husband wants to sleep with you for the next few weeks you could bring a double bed down

If English isn't his first language then I would have taken this to mean that if your husband wants to sleep downstairs too, it would be better to bring a double down than both sleep in the single, so that your ankle still had enough room

SofiaMichelle · 08/07/2021 12:39

I suppose if we didn't have pathetically twee euphemisms like "sleep with" in place of "have sex with", confusion like this wouldn't come up.

godmum56 · 08/07/2021 12:40

As a retired community rehab manager, I am on the fence about this one. It was fairy standard to give post hip replacement advice about sex to both genders....you might not wait to be asked as many people wouldn't ask outright but you would be open and listening for cues from the patient. Having said that a comment on having a double bed downstairs from one of my team wouldn't even be intended to be remotely sexual. Loads of my patients would have been very upset not to sleep beside their partner. It was even a part of palliative and end of life care to facilitate this if the couple wanted it.
I think the weight comment was a clumsy attempt at raising the issue of weight without being rude or coming over as judgemental.

BUT I wasn't there and creepy people exist everywhere.

IllForTooLong · 08/07/2021 12:42

First of all the fact the physio is form ‘another country’ has nothing to do with your issue.
You are basically asking there if it’s normal for people from other countries or behave unprofessionally and I don’t think it’s ok at all.

Second, as a hcp I sometimes go into those territories. And imo it’s totally ok. It’s ok when it’s done in a sensitive way and for a purpose.
I would say it was phrased in a sensitive manner.
So my question is: in what context did he talk about you and your DH sleeping together? Did he have any worried about what could happen if you are in the same bed/having sex with the au you use your ankle and foot? I’m thinking the way you might bend your ankle for example?

Did you automatically recoil at the question so he never dare carry in with the subject, even though the aim was give you some warning on what you can and can’t do with your foot?

Whether he was unprofessional very much depends on the context in whcih e was asking the question.

Blossomtoes · 08/07/2021 12:43

@SofiaMichelle

I suppose if we didn't have pathetically twee euphemisms like "sleep with" in place of "have sex with", confusion like this wouldn't come up.

Or we could just say “fuck” which is completely unambiguous. I wonder how that would go down.

IllForTooLong · 08/07/2021 12:43

@Crinkle77

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands.

WTAF? Completely inappropriate!

Why is that? Would it better if that man had done some damage instead?

AnyFucker · 08/07/2021 12:45

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands. He never asked the question, the physio just volunteered the info. My women’s physio, who is a man, said they will often volunteer info when they feel patients might be too embarrassed to ask
This is much more concerning than what is in the op !

RickiTarr · 08/07/2021 12:45

@Ozanj

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands. He never asked the question, the physio just volunteered the info. My women’s physio, who is a man, said they will often volunteer info when they feel patients might be too embarrassed to ask.

That’s appalling.

Original poster

lifeturnsonadime · 08/07/2021 12:49

First of all the fact the physio is form ‘another country’ has nothing to do with your issue.
You are basically asking there if it’s normal for people from other countries or behave unprofessionally and I don’t think it’s ok at all.

What a bizarre interpretation. I was implying there could be a language issue or that there could be cultural differences which would mean that it could be deemed appropriate and I am being prudish - not that other cultures would accept inappropriate behaviour.

I was saying that I was struggling with the fact that I couldn't get upstairs and had no privacy to wash, perhaps he interpreted that as mean meaning I wanted to sleep with my husband. But it wasn't what I was specifically saying I was struggling with.

OP posts:

godmum56 · 08/07/2021 12:51

its not appalling. It might have been misjudged but I doubt they would have gone into detail if the patient had recoiled on horror when it was mentioned.....we will also discus bum wiping, use of tampons, managing colostomies and so on.

RickiTarr · 08/07/2021 12:53

@godmum56

its not appalling. It might have been misjudged but I doubt they would have gone into detail if the patient had recoiled on horror when it was mentioned.....we will also discus bum wiping, use of tampons, managing colostomies and so on.

“Actions & activities to avoid” might be appropriate.

“How to do foreplay without using his hands” is all kinds of inappropriate.

godmum56 · 08/07/2021 12:54

@lifeturnsonadime

*First of all the fact the physio is form ‘another country’ has nothing to do with your issue. You are basically asking there if it’s normal for people from other countries or behave unprofessionally and I don’t think it’s ok at all.*

What a bizarre interpretation. I was implying there could be a language issue or that there could be cultural differences which would mean that it could be deemed appropriate and I am being prudish - not that other cultures would accept inappropriate behaviour.

I was saying that I was struggling with the fact that I couldn't get upstairs and had no privacy to wash, perhaps he interpreted that as mean meaning I wanted to sleep with my husband. But it wasn't what I was specifically saying I was struggling with.

hmmm there is a difference between saying "I am struggling with not being able to get ustairs BECAUSE I have no privacy to wash" and "I am struggling with not being able to get ustairs AND I have no privacy to wash"

Pyewackect · 08/07/2021 12:55

Yes, you are over thinking it.

Original poster

lifeturnsonadime · 08/07/2021 12:56

No it's not appalling.

I guess I just don't know what my sex life/ sleeping arrangement has to do with recovering from a broken ankle.

I didn't recoil in horror either just brushed it off and said I was fine with the sleeping arrangement as it was !

OP posts:

godmum56 · 08/07/2021 12:56

godmum56
its not appalling. It might have been misjudged but I doubt they would have gone into detail if the patient had recoiled on horror when it was mentioned.....we will also discus bum wiping, use of tampons, managing colostomies and so on.

Rickitarr
“Actions & activities to avoid” might be appropriate.

“How to do foreplay without using his hands” is all kinds of inappropriate."

Are you a rehab specialist? You'd be AMAZED at what people want to be able to do.

mygood · 08/07/2021 12:57

@SausagePourHomme

The first comment wouldn't bother but the second one is clearly over the line!

the first comment was out of order too!!! so unprofessional. he comes across as complete creep to me

pigsDOfly · 08/07/2021 12:58

It does sound like it's a language problem, and the 'some ladies like to be larger' comment could have been his way of trying to indicate that an ankle problem is going to have to take the strain of a person's weight, although you're hardly massive, so you have to consider that when moving around.

It's a very unfortunate way of wording it and probably not terribly helpful as you're not going to be able to do anything about it in time to have any impact on the healing of your ankle, even if you felt you wanted to.

The sleeping with your husband repark seem a bit stupid. I'm sure most people would be able to work out that they can bring a double bed downstairs in their own house if they so wish. However, he was possibly trying to tell you that if your husband sleeps in the same bed as you it wouldn't be a problem as far as your ankle is concerned.

CharityDingle · 08/07/2021 12:58

@AnyFucker

Physios do ask personal questions about sex. DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands. He never asked the question, the physio just volunteered the info. My women’s physio, who is a man, said they will often volunteer info when they feel patients might be too embarrassed to ask This is much more concerning than what is in the op !

Agreed.

OP, I would not be comfortable with comments like that either. YANBU.

godmum56 · 08/07/2021 12:59

@lifeturnsonadime

No it's not appalling.

I guess I just don't know what my sex life/ sleeping arrangement has to do with recovering from a broken ankle.

I didn't recoil in horror either just brushed it off and said I was fine with the sleeping arrangement as it was !

You had expressed a problem with not being able to go upstairs. Therapist can't get you up the stairs so they offer suggestions about how to bring upstairs down to you. Need not be anything sexual about wanting to sleep with your partner.

Original poster

lifeturnsonadime · 08/07/2021 13:00

hmmm there is a difference between saying "I am struggling with not being able to get ustairs BECAUSE I have no privacy to wash" and "I am struggling with not being able to get ustairs AND I have no privacy to wash"

To be honest I can't remember the exact words I used I may have said because. I may well be overthinking it which is why I posted in AIBU.

OP posts:

RickiTarr · 08/07/2021 13:03

Are you a rehab specialist? You'd be AMAZED at what people want to be able to do.

Oh I’m not surprised what people might ask or want to know.

Plunging in straight in with DH was told, after his hand break, about how to do foreplay without using his hands. He never asked the question, the physio just volunteered the info, is quite different, though.

When you’re in a professional position raising something sensitive with a client, you don’t just jump straight in with the technicolour, unexpurgated version (of anything), you ask broader opening questions to find out what they might want to share or know. Then follow their lead.