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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend makes me feel so alone when pregnant

59 replies

Beckyxox12 · 07/07/2021 20:44

So I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant and the whole way through my pregnancy I’ve just felt so alone and I feel like my boyfriend just does not care. He goes to work in the day time fair enough but he never comes straight home he’s always out doing something with his mates and then on the weekends he goes out with his friends again and If I dare ask him to stay in once with me or go somewhere with me he says I’m controlling him but that’s not the case I just genuinely want abit of time together. I’ve told him how alone I feel and I want him to spend more time with me but he never seems to do anything about it I just feel like he’s only bothered about seeing his friends I feel second best. I see my friends. Sometimes but not a lot as we live different lives they go out getting drunk a lot so I can’t participate in that so most of the time I’m just sat at home on my own waiting for him. I feel like I’m a sleeping partner to him. We’ve also just moved out into a house which he agreed to pay the rent and bills for as I’m ok maternity pay Which is little to nothing I agreed to help out as much as I can but no way can I afford all the rent and. Bills and lately he keeps blackmailing me everytime we argue saying he will smash the house up and walk out and leave. Me to pay for everything Which I physically can’t I don’t even earn enough to pay the rent alone never mind the other bills. Also whenever I bring it up to him how I feel and ask him to treat me a bit better he tells me he’s done with me and he doesn’t love me . I just feel abit stuck I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
CanofCant · 07/07/2021 20:49

You won't want to hear this but I would make plans to leave. It will be easier to do so before the baby arrives. He won't change and it won't get better, only worse.

Do you have any family or friends to support you? Regardless, you need to leave.

Original poster
Beckyxox12 · 07/07/2021 20:51

We’re both on a joint tenancy for 6 months, but he doesn’t care if he gets. Sent to court or what not for not paying he will happily just leave me in sh*t to pay everything when he knows I can’t

OP posts:
FlowerArranger · 07/07/2021 20:54

Just HP home to your family. This isn't going you get any better.

OoglyMoogly · 07/07/2021 20:55

Sorry but you need to prepare to be a single mum. He's already made threats to vandalism your home so why would you want him around a newborn?

I am sorry.

Funnylittlefloozie · 07/07/2021 20:55

Hes horrible. Have you ever heard of the idea that abusive men get worse when their partners are pregnant? It sounds as if this is what is happening to you. A good, responsible man would want to spend time with his pregnant partner, caring for her and making sure she is comfortable. This horrible specimen you're with isn't doing that - he's making you sad and causing you to post on Mumsnet for support. Its not right, it really isn't.

Shouldbedoing · 07/07/2021 20:56

Oh my goodness, he's showing you contempt. You need to kick the abusive git out. Look into your tenancy- how to break it or take it over yourself. Look at entitledto.com. There are benefits and support for single parents. He will not get better or grow up or mellow. This is who he is. I'm sorry

Dontjumptoconclusions · 07/07/2021 20:57

What support system do you have outside of him? Family friends? Can you move in with them?

If he's paying for the tenancy, he can continue to do so if you're there or not.

Be prepared that he may say the same thing when the baby comes, and threaten that he will leave you as a single mum... So you need to be in control.

Give the baby your surname.

Bizawit · 07/07/2021 20:57

Have you got somewhere else to go OP? He sounds abusive. This is going to get worse once baby arrives. You need to leave…

Lagomtransplant · 07/07/2021 20:58

Oh, OP, this "relationship" is over and in advanced stages of decomposition.

Having a baby will be hard enough, you don't need all this grief around too.

Is there anywhere you can go?

Elys3 · 07/07/2021 21:01

This probably isn’t what you want to hear but please make plans to leave him. You are worth more than this. Flowers Do you have any real life support, family?

wavecatcher · 07/07/2021 21:03

A new baby honestly adds so much pressure and can honestly test the best relationships. Things won't improve they will be worse, don't tolerate this behaviour you and your baby deserve so much more. Leave him now

Fazabulous · 07/07/2021 21:04

OP please find a way of speaking to your midwife.
You can ring her tomorrow if you’re ready.
She will know how to help you. All midwives are trained in this and she will keep you safe.
Other people are right, this is verbal domestic abuse and it’s OK to ask for help.

TheVamoosh · 07/07/2021 21:05

everytime we argue saying he will smash the house up

Please keep your baby safe, and yourself. He sounds like he could turn violent. Abuse quite often begins or worsens during pregnancy. Can you contact women's aid?

CandyLeBonBon · 07/07/2021 21:06

Why are you together?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/07/2021 21:07

This is not a good man to be vulnerable around.

Do you have family you can go to?

Hankunamatata · 07/07/2021 21:08

He doesn't want a baby by the sounds of it. Break tenancy and move back home.

SpaceRaiders · 07/07/2021 21:08

Pack your bags and head to your mums, best friends, or whoever is your closest support IRL. His behaviour will only get worse once baby is here.

CuriousOrangee · 07/07/2021 21:08

Leave him and go home to your family.

Was the baby planned? How old is he?

SpaceRaiders · 07/07/2021 21:09

And please don’t tell him you’re leaving him. Just do a midday flit when he’s out at work or something. You do not want to risk him tuning violent whilst your there alone.

Breastfeedingworries · 07/07/2021 21:11

Are you in the uk? You are entitled to housing benefit if so, could even look at getting on a housing register. You need to make plans to leave, really sorry this is happening to you. I’ve got a 2 year old dd and honestly if I had to deal with abuse and stress while dealing with a screaming newborn I’d have lost my mind. Glad I was single!

You need to take care of yourself and your little one, his threats of smashing up the place are disgusting. Make sure baby has your surname and he isn’t on birth certificate. You can still claim child support, I do and my dds isn’t. He does see her, regularly and I will put him on but I didn’t at first. You don’t have to, do not give surname!! Xxx

LtDansleg · 07/07/2021 21:11

You feel like he doesn’t care because he literally doesn’t care. If you stay with this twat then you’re setting yourself (and the baby) up for a shit life. If you think it’s bad now, imagine what it’ll be like when the baby’s here. Can you leave?

Cryalot2 · 07/07/2021 21:13

Get out fast. Someone suggested you speak to your midwife, that is a good idea.
Good wishes.

lockdownalli · 07/07/2021 21:15

I agree with PP - can you go to family OP? He sounds horrible. Flowers

Wearywithteens · 07/07/2021 21:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Funatlast · 07/07/2021 21:17

Can your parents come and collect you?