Page 13 | To walk barefoot in someone else’s home?

Sheerdetermination · 2021-07-06T19:53:16+00:00

My parents think my DP is wrong (ie. rude) to pad around their house barefoot when we are visiting. He does this when he’s wearing sandals outside. As they don’t like this, he now puts socks on when he takes his shoes off at the door. But what if he/I were dropping in on a friend for a cuppa while wearing sandals? Should we have a spare pair of socks/slippers with us? I don’t think so! AIBU to think it’s ok to be barefoot on someone else’s carpets?

lazylinguist · 07/07/2021 18:11

Would you wear a skimpy dress and drink wine in the house of an observant Muslim family who would be very unhappy with it because it made you feel "comfortable and welcome"?

No, because if they didn't serve wine, I wouldn't drink wine (whatever religion they were). I can't say that it wouod particularly occur to me to dress for someone else's religion. I don't happen to have any friends who think their religious beliefs dictate what other people should wear.

DrSbaitso · 07/07/2021 18:48

@lazylinguist

Would you wear a skimpy dress and drink wine in the house of an observant Muslim family who would be very unhappy with it because it made you feel "comfortable and welcome"?

No, because if they didn't serve wine, I wouldn't drink wine (whatever religion they were). I can't say that it wouod particularly occur to me to dress for someone else's religion. I don't happen to have any friends who think their religious beliefs dictate what other people should wear.

Yes, it was a thought experiment. If you were invited to dinner by a Muslim family, and you knew that they preferred you to dress conservatively and not bring wine as a gift, and you accepted the invitation to their home, would you abide by their request because you are in their home, or would you flout it if you felt like it because "guest comfort"? (You can switch up the situation a bit if you like, but I'm sure you understand the principle.)

If the latter, you really can't complain about not being made to feel welcome, because you're taking hospitality and responding with rudeness and disrespect.

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 07/07/2021 18:51

In my parents or PILs house I wouldn’t think twice about walking around bearfoot. They’re family and I wouldn’t mind the same.

If a friend was visiting I wouldn’t expect them to take their shoes off (wood floors / tiles downstairs). If they were muddy I would ask them to remove them but then the like hood of them being in muddy sandals is slim (as weather is likely to be wet for mud or cold so they wouldn’t wear sandals I would imagine so I would also probably ask if they wanted to borrow some socks so their feed didn’t get cold. If they declined I probably wouldn’t mind.
May have overthought this.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 07/07/2021 20:31

I wonder if those who carry socks everywhere just in case they visit someone who cannot cope with bare feet also ensure that they are never wearing skimpy dresses just in case they visit someone who is offended by skimpy dresses?

DrSbaitso · 07/07/2021 20:33

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

I wonder if those who carry socks everywhere just in case they visit someone who cannot cope with bare feet also ensure that they are never wearing skimpy dresses just in case they visit someone who is offended by skimpy dresses?

You're obviously trying to make a point but I truly can't see what it is. Can you clarify?

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 07/07/2021 20:35

It's a thought experiment DrSbaitso. (You can switch up the situation a bit if you like, but I'm sure you understand the principle.)

DrSbaitso · 07/07/2021 20:37

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

It's a thought experiment DrSbaitso. (You can switch up the situation a bit if you like, but I'm sure you understand the principle.)

No, I don't understand the principle you're trying to illustrate. I was making the point that if you accept an invitation to someone's house, you should abide by their house rules because you're willingly entering their environment as a guest and should respect it. What are you saying?

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 07/07/2021 20:41

DrSbaitso if you're not one of those who carries socks everywhere just in case then the question isn't really aimed at you.

DrSbaitso · 07/07/2021 20:46

@ZZTopGuitarSolo

DrSbaitso if you're not one of those who carries socks everywhere just in case then the question isn't really aimed at you.

No, I don't carry socks everywhere and haven't met anyone who does, to my knowledge. I do have a shoeless house but I'm fine with bare feet and I've got a box of slippers and slipper socks to offer to guests in case they want them.

I do think that if you have a shoeless house but won't allow bare feet, it's on you to provide something for guests who don't have socks on. It's one thing to ask people to remove their shoes but I don't think they should have to bring "extra equipment" if they still aren't sufficiently shod for your liking.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 07/07/2021 20:52

DrSbaitso - I agree. I'm happy to go along with what makes my hosts comfortable, but I'm not carrying socks everywhere just in case. If I knew I was dropping in on family who wanted me to bring them then I'd bring them.

But we do have some on this thread who think we should be carrying socks everywhere just in case. I thought your scenario raised an interesting question for them about how prepared we should be for every possible eventuality.

Scrunchies · 07/07/2021 20:53

This is so weird. I had no idea that so many average seeming people were so batshit crazy. It is completely insane to expect someone to take off their sandals and carry socks with them to then put on

DrSbaitso · 07/07/2021 20:59

No, I definitely don't think people should be expected to carry socks everywhere!

I've also been working on the assumption that if you do have some sort of requirement that requires advance knowledge, eg any sort of actual dress code, you'll let guests know.

Ultimately, I'm of the view that if you enter a new environment as a guest, then within reason, you adapt yourself to that environment rather than expecting it to adapt to you. I'd expect hosts to accommodate, say, vegetarian or vegan diets even if they eat meat themselves, but shoes off/on is a host's call. I'd leave my shoes on if my host preferred it.

And I've been for dinner with Muslim and Jewish families and worn long skirts and covered my hair. They didn't say I had to but I just kind of gathered that it was the respectful thing to do.

BPinCT · 16/07/2021 20:57

I don't carry socks in my purse. If I am going somewhere where shoes are removed I will wear hose of some sort. If I am caught unawares and have to de-shoe when not wearing hose of some sort I don't mind. There have been one or two occasions where this has happened and I have been offered socks. I often host bridge games or book club meetings for six or seven woman and shoes are left at the door. In the warmer weather some ladies go barefoot which is fine with me

Lemonmelonsun · 16/07/2021 21:12

I prefer shoes on. If people want to take shoes off and keep socks on and put them anywhere... Fine.

No barefert but.. For son in laws that's slightly different? Family???

MakkaPakkas · 16/07/2021 21:18

Mumsnet is such an eye-opener, so many things on here that people get in a flap about that I've never thought of at all.

BlueCupOrangeCup · 16/07/2021 22:48

I tend to wear or take socks if I think I might end up in someone’s house. Not because I think bare feet are rude but because years of sport were unkind to my feet, and I’m so self conscious of my hammer toes!

Other girls have cute feet. I do not.

Anyway, I don’t mind friends bare feet in my home. They’re all hygienic people 🙂

Skysblue · 16/07/2021 22:52

Yuk. Feet are sweaty. In many hot countries they have a place to wash your feet at the entrance after you take your sandles off and before you walk in a house.

Yabvu

BPinCT · 16/07/2021 23:16

Wow you always wear socks when you visit then I guess you are like me always shoeless when i visit!