to ask what age gap your children are?

[coffeebean3000]

and if you think it’s a nice gap or wish you’d had them closer/further apart?

i have a 3 month old and can’t decide whether to start ttc again when she’s a year old so they’re closer together and have a nice bond growing up or whether to wait until we can get a bigger house (we have a 2 bed) and more job stability.

also looking at getting married in summer 2023 and i don’t know whether it would be better to try before or after - first dd took about a year of trying and i’m not sure i want potentially a 3/4 year gap.

4 years and 3 weeks.

Less than two years - on the whole it’s been pretty good as they’ve had similar interests at the same time and once nappies finished that was it - I wasn’t going back!!
The first couple of years was logistically tough w double buggy and so on.
Now they are late teens they get on really well - still have a lot in common and they don’t really fight now.

18 months. I wanted mine close together and started trying again when first was 6 months. Got lucky and fell quickly. Only bit I found hard work was last few months of 2nd pregnancy as 1st was a later walker and quite large to be lifted. Got extremely lucky with 2nd as he wanted to copy his brother so early to walk, early to be loo trained ( skipped the potty and went straight to to toilet with baby seat for both) and with the timing 2nd started nursery at the same time that 1st went into reception and the nursery was in the grounds of the school so only one drop off and collection point.

17 months. They're now almost 14 and 15.5, they get on most of the time. When they were younger they always played together in the park/at home and I can't really remember how awful it must have been when they were babies.

Seven years between my two. Worked great, and still does now, 15 years on. They love each other to bits.

The age difference meant that at each stage their needs were different so they didn't have to compete. For example, I could BF my young baby while playing Monopoly with the big one. If DC1 had been a toddler who still needed hands-on care, they'd have been wanting to get into my lap and been unable to wait.

DC2 never felt resentful when DC1 got to do things (have more pocket money, go out alone) which she herself wasn't allowed to do yet. It was obvious to her that her older sibling was at a different stage, whereas that might not have been the case if there had been just a year or two between them.

The only thing which has been tough is that DC1 moved out while DC2 was still young enough to find that hard. If they had been closer together in age, I guess DC2 would have been more independent and busy by that point, and wouldn't have felt her sibling's absence so much.

7 kids, 13 y between oldest & youngest

gaps are:
2y, 15m, 2y, 3.5y (would've been 2.5y but I had a MC), 2y, 2y+

I never worried about gaps

I have a 7.5yr and 4.5yr gap.

There's no way I could cope with 2 under 2/3. I like calmness and organisation 😂. My gaps are good as the elder one/s are at school so I get quality time during the day with the baby.

My kids are really close. The difficulty we face is family days out can be a bit difficult to manage as they're in to different things.

I wouldn't change it though. I am 4 years older than one of my siblings and 10 years older than the other. We're all really close as adults and our ages difference once really affected this in our teens

16 months and then 15 months . My DD and DS1 have always got on great , and still do at 47 and 46 , but used to continuously fight with DS2 who is 45 but can manage with him a lot more now . I'm glad that I had them young and close together. They all turned 20 by my early 40s and I was free .

We'll have a nearly 4 year gap when dc2 arrives. Anything from 3 years on felt right for us but we waited a bit due to the pandemic. I didn't think I would cope well with 2 under 2. I wanted to be able to enjoy dc2's baby stage and for dc1 to be a bit more independent. I think it also depends on your support network - we don't have any family nearby.

Around 28-30 months between each of mine.

It's worked well for my children so far, but then my siblings and I have a similar maybe a tiny bit larger gap and that didn't work out so well. There is a bit of a gamble each time, I don't think any gap guarantees a strong bond especially not long-term.

For maternal health, it used to be recommended to wait at least 18-24 months to TTC, many places have reduced that to 12-18 months -- for most women that will minimize the risk factors, though those with high risk pregnancies or had complications in a previous pregnancy may be safer on the longer part of that gap. I think with my youngest (which was the smallest gap), a few extra months might have benefitted me health and recovery wise, it was a bit brutal, but I wasn't as aware of the research in this area at the time. There is always a risk, sometimes we skip past them and sometimes they bite us in the ass.

18 months. Mine are both in their early 30s now! I personally preferred them close together as they were always at more or less the same stages at the same time. The only time I’d say it was really hard work was when I had a toddler and a newborn. By the time the youngest was a toddler they played together a lot, which actually made life a lot easier. They are really close and I’m glad I did it that way.

12 minutes. Had planned for 4 years but glad now the choice was taken away from us.

26 months. And they are, although like chalk and cheese, they are close. I think I'd wish I'd tried earlier and got the gap smaller if anything.

@Recessed

15 months. Hell on earth for the first two years then pays off in spades (if you haven't completely lost your sanity by then ). They do bicker but it's mild. It's a build in playmate, so while it required very intensive hands-on parenting at the start, now I barely do anything as they have each other.

Exactly this!!!! Was a total accident and I think it was tough early on though I don't remember it as being that hard (even though I know it probably was). Now they are nearly 3 and nearly 4 and they do fight but my goodness the games and activities they come up with are amazing. They will be at pre-school together and its going to be amazing when eldest holds his hand to introduce him.

I am now pregnant with DC3 (also not planned, must start taking contraception seriously). My first reaction was sheer panic because life was just starting to get a bit easier. I now feel like this one will be left behind (2.5 years age gap), but in reality I suspect (hope) the other two will just look after 'their' baby. Will be an interesting dynamic to watch, especially as DC1 is a girl, DC2 a boy and DC3 a girl.

2y8m. This was a little less than we'd planned - we had difficulty conceiving DS1, needed Clomid, so we sort of thought we'd "try" for a year and by the time we had done that to be referred back to fertility clinic, we'd be ready. DS2 had other ideas!

I was in no way ready for a smaller gap, hats off to those who prefer it that way but I just couldn't face it.

There will be five and a half years between my first and my second.

First was planned. Second was not.

I hope he works out well - absolutely terrified!

4 days short of 9 months. Hard when they were little but now so much easier.

12 months between the first and second.
7 years between 2nd and third
7 years between third and 4th
2 years 2 months between 4th and 5th
The gap between 1st and 2nd was really hard but they grew up close
The middle child really is the middle child unfortunately i never planned such a big age gap.
The best age gap is between 4th and 5th child they get on really well.

15 months between my eldest two then 14 months between DC2 and 3. DC4 was born 6 years after DC3 and there’s a 20 month gap between DC4 and 5. 10 years between my eldest and youngest.

I personally much prefer a closer gap because you get through the baby/toddler stage quicker as opposed to moving past that then going back through it years later. Obviously I decided to go back through it but I had the choice not to . They are all very close anyway tbh, even the eldest and youngest are close right now despite the big age gap.

There is a 4 year gap between my DC. DS1 is almost 13 (in a week) and DS2 is almost 9. I would have liked a 2 year gap, but had an ectopic and 2 early miscarriages, so the 4 year gap was decided for me so to speak.

It was great when they were very small as the different stages were easier to manage. DS1 liked being a big brother and they got on exceptionally well. DS1 could be a bit bossy at times and DS2 either put up with it or pushed back in a way that helped him learn to stand up for himself. Overall there was a great bond between them, plenty of playing together and lots of hilarious conversations!

Now, though, DS1 is being very teenagery (new word!) and can't be bothered with his little brother as he has become a quite impatient and very focused on his new school friends. DS2 adores his big brother and is struggling with this new attitude. I fully expected something like this as the four year gap has become a chasm now that puberty has hit eldest DS. But I hope they will reconnect as they grow up and I know that, despite how it looks right now, DS1 loves his little brother.

No matter what age gap you have, though, there is no guarantee your DC will bond or get along. DP has siblings close in age and they never really bonded with each other. In fact, he now gets along best with the sister who is 16 years younger than him.

Those with small age gaps (under 2 years), how did you do it? Was it really ok? I’ve just had a VERY surprise positive test and would have a 22 month gap (between twins and new baby....3 under 2...)

There is 2 years 2 months between my first two. I love the age gap, my dd was too young to feel any jealousy once her brother arrived and she can't remember him not being here. They are really close now at 3 Years and 18 months and entertain themselves. The first year was hard as my daughter wasn't in nursery until she turned 3, but it was probably hard as we were in lockdown as well.

There will be exactly 2 years between my youngest and the new baby when he/she arrives. Baby is due two days after my son's 2nd birthday

3 years 6 months. I'd say it's perfect. Pregnancy was v rough on me and not having to change nappies during pregnancy and being able to put on a film for them and have a lie down on sofa saved me.

Thing 1 and Thing 2, 2.5 years. Thing 2 and The Girl One, 9 years.

21 months. I liked having them close, they are 10 and 12 now and I'm still glad they were close together.