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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried that my baby has forgotten me.

60 replies

Babycarrottt · 05/07/2021 17:45

Hi, I've had a really awful few weeks. I was diagnosed with pancreatitis and gallstones nearly threw weeks ago. Was operated on two weeks ago, left on the Friday but readmitted on the Sunday. I'm hopefully going home tomorrow. I have a beautiful nine (nearly ten) week old and I've only seen him twice during this time due to restrictions/logistics.

I'm really worried that he has forgotten me and I'm worried about how I'll fit back into being a Mum. The last time I saw him was last week for a couple of hours, he was fast asleep and I just held him.

Anyone else been in this situation? Any advice? Am I being unreasonable in thinking he's forgotten me? I'm just worried that he'll be scared/wary of me.

OP posts:
ScaredNotAnxious · 05/07/2021 17:47

He absolutely will not have forgotten you at all - no chance at all. Get well soon OP.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 05/07/2021 17:47

Please don't worry. Babies are very adaptable.

DH was in and out of our DDs lives when they were babies/toddlers. 7 months one time. Within a day of him being home, it was like he never been gone.

RedHelenB · 05/07/2021 17:49

He'll know you're his mum. Don't stress , take care of yourself and hopefully once you're recovered you can really enjoy motherhood.

EmeraldShamrock · 05/07/2021 17:52

He will remember you no doubt.
Awh I hope you're okay it must be very tough away from him. Flowers

CoalCraft · 05/07/2021 17:52

Sorry you've been unwell, your baby will be delighted to have his mum back xx

orangejuicer · 05/07/2021 17:54

He will not have forgotten you, or how you smell. You are his mum.

Enjoy the cuddles and best wishes for your recovery.

Treezan82 · 05/07/2021 17:55

Nothing and noone could ever replace a mother to a baby or child - there's no way in the world he has or ever could forget you. Get well soon and enjoy reuniting when you're better x

Neuts346 · 05/07/2021 17:58

Aww of course he’ll remember you

tobedtoMNandfart · 05/07/2021 17:59

Sorry you've had a difficult time. He absolutely knows who you are (smell I think, and facial recognition). He's at a very adaptable age where his care can be provided by anyone and he will be fine. But he's not forgotten you. (I had leukaemia so completely sympathise with your worries x)

Misbeehived · 05/07/2021 18:03

You’re his mummy! He won’t have forgotten you. He’ll just be extra delighted to have you back. He’s
too little to have the separation anxiety of older babies but will definitely love being back with you. It sounds like you’ve had a rough time so I hope you take this off your list of things to worry about.

Sceptre86 · 05/07/2021 18:05

He will know his mum. Try not to stress about that and focus on getting better. Keep the help you have in place till you are feeling better, no point in rushing your recovery x

Original poster
Babycarrottt · 05/07/2021 18:05

Thanks everyone. It doesn't help that I've had my MIL (who has been helping to care for him in all fairness), message me saying that she's worried he will be confused.
It's been a really awful few months but nothing has been worse than being away from him. It's all been rather traumatic as I woke up at 3.30am to feed him and within the hour I was at A and E. They thought I was developing sepsis at one point and that I might need to go on the high dependency unit. I just miss him so much and can't wait to be home with my baby and my partner.

OP posts:
tobedtoMNandfart · 05/07/2021 18:07

MIL comments are unhelpful. Ignore.

cakeandchampagne · 05/07/2021 18:12

He knew you before he was even born.
You are the first person he ever knew.
He will always remember you.
Enjoy your reunion.
Flowers

IncyWincy21 · 05/07/2021 18:13

Of course he'll know you. He'll know your smell as soon as he sees you!
Enjoy reuniting!

If it was me, I'd make sure MIL wasn't there when I arrived home tbh.

cooldarkroom · 05/07/2021 18:13

Baby will know your voice & the rhythm of your walk, It will be fine,
Get MIL sent home as soon as you can manage !

ChikiTIKI · 05/07/2021 18:15

While it's nice your MIL is helping out, what she said is not nice. Not sure what she was trying to achieve there to be honest. You don't have to worry about the baby being confused. He will love you because you're you. He has spent 9 months listening to your voice and heartbeat. He will be right at home with you as soon as you have him in your arms. Hope you are well again very soon. You're amazing for coping with everything that's gone on. Wishing you all the best in your recovery.

BeetyAxe · 05/07/2021 18:16

Aww you poor thing.he won’t have forgotten you at all. Flowers get well soon.

LyndzB · 05/07/2021 18:17

Oh op, I've had pancreatitis and gallstones and you have my sympathies it's truly awful.

Of course your little boy will remember you. You are his mum. Ignore MIL comments and enjoy lots of cuddles with your baby. Get plenty of rest.

Original poster
Babycarrottt · 05/07/2021 18:19

Thank you. Thankfully inlaws are going away in the next few days so we'll have limited contact. I do appreciate my inlaws helping out as it would have been too much for my partner with him working and renovation a shop. I am grateful but her comments about him being confused have hurt. When I was with our baby and holding him, she tried to tell me what he needed but I just knew. I can't wait to hold him again and just be at home. Finger's crossed this is the last hospital stay, I've been in five times since the end of April.

OP posts:
campion · 05/07/2021 18:19

If it was me, I'd make sure MIL wasn't there when I arrived home tbh

That's a bit harsh. She's been helping to care for the baby so OP obviously trusts her enough. Maybe she was just expressing a worry at a worrying time?

OP your baby will be fine and I hope you feel much better soon and enjoy lots of lovely cuddlesFlowers

BumbleMug · 05/07/2021 18:21

Your voice and heartbeat is what he heard for moths as he grew. He won’t forget you. Your MIL should not be saying those sort of comments either and your DH needs to have a word with her.

Original poster
Babycarrottt · 05/07/2021 18:22

@LyndzB I quite agree. It was worse than labour. My entire torso was in spasm as I was passing a gallstone. I honestly thought I was dying. I got to A and E (partner doesn't drive so I caught a taxi), managed to get to the reception of the walk in center and collapsed. I was even quiet during my labour but was screaming in pain as it was so bad. I'm no stranger to being in hospital and always try not to make a fuss but I thought I was being ripped in two.

OP posts:
Micemakingclothes · 05/07/2021 18:22

Your baby knows your heartbeat.

But let’s suppose for a moment that your baby is confused for a bit or that the change in routine does cause a few moments of stress. So what. You have done the very hard work of fighting to be a living mother to your child and you have succeeded. You are going to be there for so much. There are going to be so many hugs, so many kisses, bedtimes, stories, school runs….. This lost time feels huge right now, but eventually it will fade away. All it will be is the time you fought to make it back to a lifetime with your child.

IncyWincy21 · 05/07/2021 18:23

@campion

If it was me, I'd make sure MIL wasn't there when I arrived home tbh

That's a bit harsh. She's been helping to care for the baby so OP obviously trusts her enough. Maybe she was just expressing a worry at a worrying time?

OP your baby will be fine and I hope you feel much better soon and enjoy lots of lovely cuddlesFlowers

Yeah nothing against the help she's gave, hats off to her. But the comment about saying baby will be confused would piss me off and I'd want only want DH there when I got home and not an audience to see how baby reacts.
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