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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

15 year old home alone for 2 nights

107 replies

Sunny4876 · 05/07/2021 15:10

Going on an adults only trip in September . The plan was Dds 15 and 9 would stay with their nan,my sister and brother in law mentioned their almost 16 year old Ds would probably be left home alone for first time and was I letting Dd,I really hadn't given it a thought.
I said I'd be happy for them to stay together as they are both very responsible and mature.
I mentioned this to Dd and she instantly said that she'd rather stay home alone.
I'm in a spin about it but I suffer from anxiety so can't be logical.
Nan lives 5 minutes walk away,lovely quiet street.
Wibu to let her stay alone?wwyd?

OP posts:

Original poster

Sunny4876 · 05/07/2021 16:14

@beigebrownblue I tend to catastrophise and think about all the worst things that could happen,where others may think it's totally reasonable, I automatically think not so need outside objective advice.

OP posts:

claralara42 · 05/07/2021 16:15

@Rothko2929

She’ll be fine, for sure, but you can’t trust her. She’ll have her BF or her buddies over.

I hate when people say this as if it's a fact. YOU might not be able to trust your children, but I can. I'm sure plenty of others can.

dancemom · 05/07/2021 16:17

OP your 15yo sounds like mine! I haven't left her overnight but only because I havent had the opportunity. I would leave her happily and also let her have her friends over, she also has a small circle of close friends who she has had since primary and are also complete geeks, all very sensible and I wouldnt hesitate to leave mine.

They could live independently from age 16 if they had the financial means so one overnight should be completely reasonable.

Imapotato · 05/07/2021 16:18

I don’t think I would before 16. I’m generally pretty relaxed as far as what my kids are allowed to do goes, but I don’t like the idea of them being home alone over night before that.

I would leave dd 16 now if she wanted to be left, but I think I’d encourage her to have a friend stay as I wouldn’t want her to be worried on her own.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 05/07/2021 16:19

Leaving a 15 year olds overnight is irresponsible she is a child. If something happened social services would not be impressed. Day time/Evenings are not the same

They really wouldn't be concerned about a 15 year old.

OP if she had a mate over yes with the understanding that gran will pop over unannounced and she is NOT to mentioned it on social media.

GoWalkabout · 05/07/2021 16:22

No. I have said no to dd15 being home alone for one night this month. I will leave her and dd1 17 together for two nights in August and then consider it when she is over 16. I always run the 'how would I justify this to social services' test through my mind. She's capable but its potentially lonely, scary and could be a bit neglectful in the case of some children left alone frequently. A few more months of maturity make a big difference.

Rothko2929 · 05/07/2021 16:23

I left home at 15 too, perfectly capable (although I look back and deffo feel there must have been a guardian angel watching over me in all those crap SE London bedsits!). But 15 yo have lives going on that you parents know nothing about!

claralara42 · 05/07/2021 16:24

Leaving a 15 year olds overnight is irresponsible she is a child. If something happened social services would not be impressed. Day time/Evenings are not the same

That's your opinion. SS wouldn't be interested.

MyDcAreMarvel · 05/07/2021 16:26

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor They really wouldn't be concerned about a 15 year old. if nothing happened no they wouldn’t, if there were a fire or a break in or another accident , the parents would quite possibly be charged within neglect.

Kotatsu · 05/07/2021 16:32

if she's happy, and Nan's 5 mins away around the corner, and we all have mobiles, I can't see the problem.

I was left alone for a week at that age, I'd done evenings and the very occasional overnight before that. I moved into the living room and revised for my exams. Perfectly happy (and that was pre-mobile phone, so I couldn't have got hold of my parents even if I wanted to)

claralara42 · 05/07/2021 16:32

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor* They really wouldn't be concerned about a 15 year old.* if nothing happened no they wouldn’t, if there were a fire or a break in or another accident , the parents would quite possibly be charged within neglect.[/quote]
No, they wouldn't.

FlyingBattie · 05/07/2021 16:33

Have you asked if she would rather stay at her nans, stay alone or stay with her cousin? It may be the cousin that she doesn't want to stay with (for whatever reason)
How long are you away for? Weekend or longer?

FlyingBattie · 05/07/2021 16:34

Just saw two nights- I think thats fine, as long as nan is willing to come and get her if she needs to!

BrilliantBetty · 05/07/2021 16:36

I'm 30 now but had a blast when my parents left me with a "free house" for five days at 15. Best five days ever. House party!! With about 80 teens. And the rest of the time I had at least 2 or 3 mates staying.

The house was fine we cleaned up after, no damage and my parents were ok about it when they found out from neighbours.

It was a good opportunity to learn some responsibility tbh.

Demelza82 · 05/07/2021 16:37

Yes without a doubt. I'm not being part of the whole social experiment that is the government pandering to populists.

Roselilly36 · 05/07/2021 16:39

It would be a no from me.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/07/2021 16:39

When my son was that age and we went away for a night, I let him stay home during the day and he spent the night at his friends house, we did the same for his friend then when his parents were away

FindingMeno · 05/07/2021 16:41

It'd be a definite no from me.

FawnFrenchieMum · 05/07/2021 16:41

We left my almost 15 year old alone for the weekend for the first time a few weeks ago.
My mum was near by if he needed anything, we spoke to the neighbours who have my number and told them to text me if any problems and we also have a camera door bell so can keep track of who is coming and going.
We allowed him to have one friend sleep over that was pre-agreed and I spoke to their parents to ensure they knew we were away.

CharlieWorkCharlieSad · 05/07/2021 16:42

DH cycled to Italy and back on his own at 16! I think if the child is trust worthy and sensible then there's no issue. Only you and DD can decide that.

Saidtoomuch · 05/07/2021 16:46

I think its a bad idea. It isn't that she can't be trusted, its just that she isn't mature enough to handle things that might go wrong. We all know of impromptu house parties when we were16 / 17 years old. I remember a friend inviting just a couple of fellow A level students over for a study session and it quickly escalated. House got trashed, antiques ruined, friend had a panic attack.

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 05/07/2021 16:46

Nope, not for me.

I'm sure she would be fine but it's a bit shit, isn't it? Home alone, sleeping alone, eating alone etc, getting off to school alone etc.

It's the kind of thing I would think I would have loved at fifteen but when it actually happened I'd have been really lonely.

Can Granny stay over?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 05/07/2021 16:47

We left my almost 15 year old alone for the weekend for the first time a few weeks ago

Wow, just wow! My dd is nearly 15, she would hate to be in the house overnight on her own, even with a friend staying over and relative close by!

motogogo · 05/07/2021 16:48

I wouldn't, mine were this age under similar circumstances and we got a sitter, local university student, to stay over

Maggiesfarm · 05/07/2021 16:49

I think 15 is a bit young, frankly. It's also possible, how ever much she thinks she may like it, that she would be a bit scared at home on her own.

An alternative would be for her to sleep at grandparents but be able to go to her own home during day and evening.

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