Brother's child

[Auntzilla]

My brother and I are 18 months apart and have always been close and got on and this closeness has remained throughout and was not altered when we got married. I see him all the time and on occasion he has socialised with DH on his own.

This close bond mirrors the one our mother has with her sisters and as a result we are close to our cousins.

Sister-in-law is one of four full siblings , two half-siblings and three step-siblings one of whom was raised by SiL's mother, all but one of them are married/partnered.

SiL is different to me and has different priorities. I get this, we can't be all alike, she is pleasant and never rude but she has no interest in me which is fair enough but is completely indifferent to my children which upsets me. She is very 'down to earth' though in spite of being quite 'posh'. She has never ever stood in the way of my brother's relationship with us but rarely comes over or out with us.

They planned their wedding and she moaned and moaned about her father and step mother objecting to her step mother's children not being invited to the wedding and her father refusing to come. I thought SiL was a bit off not inviting them. Then invitations went out and one of my aunts asked my mother if brother realised my cousins had GF/BF as they weren't invited. Bombshell my husband (and at the time my one child)was not invited to their wedding either with no explanation was given in my invitation.

Well parents went round not all guns blazing but to gently ask what was going on. SiL simply said that as there was not going to be any dancing people didn't need their partners and if DH was invited five other people would have to be invited. Well wedding happened and her father and stepmother did come. I was a bit upset that my cousin's partner came as he was the Best Man. All through my brother kept apologising saying they could not afford to invite so many people.
Well years roll on I have two more children and their child has been born (in the middle of a pandemic). Baptism next month and just parents invited and cousin who is Godfather. This time neither DH or I are invited let alone the kids as once again this would mean around 20 others would have to be invited.

AIBU to feel that her father couldn't keep it in his trousers all those years ago so my family miss out on important occasions now! I am utterly insulted.

Am I unreasonable to think this. I am upset and my parents a weird mixture of anger and upset.

@HelloDulling

AIBU to feel that her father couldn't keep it in his trousers all those years ago so my family miss out on important occasions now! I am utterly insulted

Perhaps you should have kept your knickers on, if you hadn’t had three children you might get invited to things more often.

This 😂😂

I think you've perhaps worded it badly, but I do kind of see where you're coming from with the baptism. Basically, because she has so many siblings, there's no room for your side, which does seem a bit unfair. But to be honest, you're putting this all on your SIL: your brother is, I assume, perfectly able to have that conversation with her and they've come to that decision together. You should equally direct your disappointment towards him.

The wedding I think is different. You were invited, as were her siblings, but no partners were invited, which is at least fair.

I think you need to talk to your brother though, rather that lay all of this at her door. But I suspect it's easier to assume it's all her doing because you don't really like her that much and your loyalty lies with your brother.