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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you find this abit rude ?

67 replies

Shouldibebothered · 04/07/2021 23:15

Is it rude for mil to text Dh and ask how dd is and then say and how are you d-son?
Fwiw it's just me dh and our little girl, I often feel like it's just dd and dh, or am I being abit silly? I wouldn't text fil and ask how he is and how bil is ( who lives with them ) but not ask how mil is

OP posts:
BlackboardMonitorVimes · 04/07/2021 23:19

Wouldn't worry me in the slightest. Is there other unissued going on, do you generally get on with them?

BlackboardMonitorVimes · 04/07/2021 23:19

*issues

Sycamoretrees · 04/07/2021 23:20

In the nicest possible way, you're being a bit silly. If she came to your house and totally ignored you, then yes you have a point. These messages however sound totally normal family interaction.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 04/07/2021 23:21

I wouldn't text fil and ask how he is and how bil is ( who lives with them ) but not ask how mil is

I would 😈

BlueSurfer · 04/07/2021 23:22

I think you are being over sensitive. Is there a huge backstory?

PatchyTwat · 04/07/2021 23:22

I think it’s over sensitive sorry

Original poster
Shouldibebothered · 04/07/2021 23:23

Yes I have had a feeling in the past she would rather it be just Dh and dd with me out the picture, she's polite when she comes but it's very for show, I just think if it was the other way round it would be seen as rude xx

OP posts:
Sweetchocolatecandy · 04/07/2021 23:25

If she totally blanks you in person then fair enough, but I personally don’t see any harm in her text msg? It’s nice that she cares about her family enough to ask.

I have a friend at work who always asks how my pets are but never how I am Grin I just laugh it off.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 04/07/2021 23:25

I don’t think it’s rude. I don’t even think it’s noteworthy.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/07/2021 23:26

but your example is different. all of them are your in-laws, not your birth family.

DH is her son, DD is her granddaughter - why couldn't she just inquire after them? and if she's texting your DH it's a private convo between them so how would you know what they are saying anyway?

I guess she could be polite and inquire how you are but she doesn't have to.
MIL often asks me about one of our kids and that's it. why couldn't she??

you are being oversensitive

AnUnoriginalUsername · 04/07/2021 23:26

I wish MIL would ask DH how he is, I don't care if she cares about me but a mother should care about their child.

Original poster
Shouldibebothered · 04/07/2021 23:26

Quite often when she is here and I am talking to her she will stare into space as I'm talking like I'm not there 😂

OP posts:
WalkingOnTheCracks · 04/07/2021 23:26

I wouldn’t accept any rosy apples from her though.

Hawkins001 · 04/07/2021 23:27

It is rude and I admit , I've used the same tatic, although not written the same way.

Bookworm65 · 04/07/2021 23:27

YANBU I think it is rude. Why would she not ask after you too? It's just basic manners.

MushMonster · 04/07/2021 23:29

No, ot is not rude, at all.
It is family chat.
Your husband will 100% mention if there is anything wrong with you, or anything exciting.
If she was ignoring you in person, then yes.
But she is talking to her son!
I do not know if there are any other issues that you do not mention? But of there are not, you a bit on the controlling side of things. Why and how do you know what she texted him? Why do you need to know what he is talking about with his own mother? That is a problem indeed, a big one. The more you check, the less they will ask about yoy, and with good reasons. Let him talk with his family freely, as much as he wants. Nothing to do with you, at all.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/07/2021 23:29

are you going to dripfeed all the way through?

first she's not asking how you are
then you think she'd rather you didn't exist
then we learn she ignores you

go on, what else?

Original poster
Shouldibebothered · 04/07/2021 23:30

Personally i think it's really rude if it was the other way round I would defo be being funny

OP posts:
Sweetchocolatecandy · 04/07/2021 23:30

@Shouldibebothered it sounds like you are just paranoid that she doesn’t like you. Even if she doesn’t but is still polite and civil in your company, and sends you friendly texts about her family, is it really that much of an issue?

Original poster
Shouldibebothered · 04/07/2021 23:31

No I did not check his phone nor did I ask he told me because he thought it was weird and rude x

OP posts:
BlueSurfer · 04/07/2021 23:31

@Shouldibebothered

Personally i think it's really rude if it was the other way round I would defo be being funny
So why did you ask if you are still going to think it’s really rude when almost everyone has said you a BU?
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/07/2021 23:32

My mum messages me and doesn’t specifically ask about DH every time but she adores him.

If it’s something like “how’s my little x, and how are you darling” I wouldn’t feel she was rejecting or neglecting him. Sometimes she’ll say “and how are you all?”

I’ve never even thought about it before. But DM and DH are very close and so there’s be no reason to look for potential offence.

This is a symptom of you thinking she doesn’t really like you I expect.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 04/07/2021 23:32

@Bookworm65

YANBU I think it is rude. Why would she not ask after you too? It's just basic manners.
@Bookworm65 in a private text message? why should she have to? what are you talking about??
Branleuse · 04/07/2021 23:33

I think youre maybe right that shes not that bothered about you as much as the others, and not very good at keeping it subtle. Bit rude yeah

SeaGreenUser · 04/07/2021 23:34

@Shouldibebothered

No I did not check his phone nor did I ask he told me because he thought it was weird and rude x
So, if that is what he thought, why didn't he do something about it.

FWIIW, I think you are both overreacting.