Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or are they? (Neighbour confusion)

76 replies

Bunnyfuller · 04/07/2021 18:37

Grrrrrr MN today, just typed long post and webpage reloaded!

So probably more readable version: we moved into a semi detached house a few months ago. To start with neighbours seemed friendly, but since then seem a bit standoffish. Moving day they said please pop round if you need anything, come over for a cuppa when people can mix etc.

We asked for some help lifting something a workman had let us down on, 1 minute job. The man did it but wasn’t v friendly to DH. He then popped round a few weeks later to ask to borrow some of our drive for a little while, was friendly and again said anything we need etc, he told me he had good contacts for builders plumbers etc when I mentioned we wanted bathrooms and decorating but struggling to find anyone.

A few weeks later (still struggling to find tradesmen) I popped round and it was just the wife in, asked for their trade contacts. She explained she was home alone for the evening as husband working late. They have a young child so I said don’t worry about bringing it round, here’s my number, just send it. She said ooh good idea, will be handy.

Then no text, but her husband called me the next day and tersely explained he would get their details to me. I thanked him, and again when a text with details arrived. Nothing at all since them, not seen them.

This week a knock at the door and there is a delivery man holding a parcel, handed it to me, I said this isn’t ours. He explained next door had a note up ‘please deliver to number ***’ (us).

I don’t get it - are we helpy neighbours or not? I texted and said we have a parcel for you. He said yes, we know, we’re away will collect tomorrow night’ we’ll they’re home, not collected, and I don’t feel I can take it round because it really feels like they’re keeping us at arms length.

We e just moved from a lovely village, where everyone helped each other without being intrusive. It’s an adjustment here anyway, zero sense of community, but I’m really confused by the on/off.

And I would never expect parcels to be taken in without asking!

OP posts:
thefirstmrsrochester · 04/07/2021 18:39

Some folk just aren’t that good socially, maybe it’s that. They don’t sound unfriendly or unpleasant as such.

Bunnyfuller · 04/07/2021 18:40

Heavens it’s disappeared down the forum already!

OP posts:
BumbleFlump · 04/07/2021 18:42

I doubt they mean to be unhelpful but it sounds like they prob have their own issues going on

Bunnyfuller · 04/07/2021 18:45

Feels like they’re blowing hot and cold or only want contact of any sort on their terms.

The parcel is still here and they’ve been home 2 days. Am I weird not taking it round, or are they just expecting me to?

Last thing I want is them thinking I’m going to be all over them. I’m not, I like my me time!

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 04/07/2021 18:45

I'd get your own contacts - can be difficult being tangled up with recommendations of people you barely know. Try posting on the local Facebook pages.

StoneofDestiny · 04/07/2021 18:45

Don't take the parcel round - just wait til they collect it.

Bunnyfuller · 04/07/2021 18:47

Hi @StoneofDestiny that’s what we tried to start with! Tradesmen here are either run off their feet after the SD holiday/Covid etc or utterly unreliable and just don’t turn up when they’ve said.

OP posts:
Hont1986 · 04/07/2021 18:48

I think it sounds like a pretty typical next-door neighbour relationship tbh - not friendly because you aren't friends, but cooperative because you live so close. I wouldn't worry about it.

Lindy2 · 04/07/2021 18:48

They sound ok to me. Not unpleasant or unfriendly but not necessarily looking to be best friends either.

The only issue seems to be he hasn't texted the workman details. He may have forgotten or perhaps the workman is already fully booked.

A text to ask if you could take the parcel in would have been sensible but I've taken deliveries for neighbours without warning as they have done for me. Sometimes you don't know when a parcel is going to arrive.

Based upon some of the CF neighbours posts you see on here yours seem ok.

Bunnyfuller · 04/07/2021 18:49

Yeah I agree @Lindy2
It’s prob my poor opinion of myself - feels like they were friendly until we chatted!

OP posts:
AbstractHeart · 04/07/2021 18:53

People have their own stuff going on. I don't know why you're overthinking the parcel - either take it round or don't. If its something they needed then I'm sure they'd have prioritised coming to get it, but as they haven't they're probably just waiting for a good time - which might take a while if they have a very young DC!

My neighbours probably think I run hot and cold too tbh. Neighbours see you at your worst sometimes, much more than people who you plan to see! When my kids are running me ragged I don't always have the energy for an enthusiastic greeting when I randomly see them on entry or exit!

Cherrysoup · 04/07/2021 18:58

Just take the parcel round. All this angst over a parcel! Tbh, I’m friendly to my neighbours, but sometimes, I don’t have headspace for more than my own stuff and I know I have a ‘resting bitch face’ (so my dh tells me!) but I don’t have time for the neighbour wanting to ‘borrow’ a bottle of wine (shops are literally 5 minutes away) when I’m going out of the door to hospital etc.

Pinkdelight3 · 04/07/2021 19:03

I'm not sure what they've done wrong? So they're in different moods on different occasions and they needed a nudge to send the trade details? The stuff about him being terse on the phone or not super chatty when helping you move something is v subjective and not a big deal. If you're neighbours, they can't be putting on a big friendly front all the time. Sometimes they might be more moody. But essentially they've been helpful and done everything you needed. The parcel thing is no big deal to me either. Some delivery forms just ask for alternate delivery options and I wouldn't expect to have to check with neighbour that it was okay unless I was bombarding them. In fact, sometimes with gifts I've sent to friends I've put on the form to leave it with a neighbour if they're not in and that's without knowing their neighbours at all. It's not a big line to have crossed. Feels like you're reading too much into it all.

Bunnyfuller · 04/07/2021 19:07

No, and I haven’t so far asked to borrow a bottle of wine. Ever in my life 😂🙈.

I feel like their signals are ‘stay away’ so tbf the last thing I’m going to do is confirm their fears of me becoming ‘that’ neighbour.

Normally I would just take it round, I’m generally a helpful and kind person, but I don’t like the feeling this has given me, and bearing in mind the previous interactions, I think the assumption to actively tell delivery to send parcel to us - they knew it was coming - without at least mentioning it is a bit rude.

I do overthink things, but hate the idea of them thinking I’m a pain.

OP posts:
AbstractHeart · 04/07/2021 19:12

I feel like their signals are ‘stay away’

Or is it possible that they're just sleep deprived because of their young DC and don't have the energy to be friendly with you all the time?

KarlUrbansWife · 04/07/2021 19:14

They sound OK, apart from the tradesmen recommendations. Is there any chance he's quite old fashioned and sees anything to do with tradesmen/DIY as 'his domain'. Maybe he was irritated you asked his wife?

Bunnyfuller · 04/07/2021 19:17

They’re a younger couple than us, the chap actually works in the same field as my DH. Their child is about 3.

Guess I’m the odd one out, I’m not offhand with anyone unless I have a reason to be!

OP posts:
woodhill · 04/07/2021 19:19

Does sound very discourteous when you had to take in their parcel and them not being appreciative or collecting it.

pasturesgreen · 04/07/2021 19:21

Sounds fine to me? With a young child and working long hours they certainly have stuff going on, and they seemed friendly enough when you moved in.

I'm always happy to take parcels in for my ndn (I work from home, he works odd shifts), but we both keep ourselves to ourselves. We aren't friends, just neighbours.

TourdeTarte · 04/07/2021 19:23

I think they sound fine. I'm probably like this. I'm happy to help/pop in and feed pets/water plants while they're away/take in parcels.

But I don't want to be friends. I'm happy to be helpful and say hi when I see them, but I generally like to keep to myself and keep a distance with neighbours.

QueeniesCroft · 04/07/2021 19:24

I'd find it quite odd that they arranged to have a parcel delivered to your house without asking- we are very good friends with our neighbours and we would still always ask- what if you had been away too?

LawnFever · 04/07/2021 19:27

Sounds fine & think you’re way overthinking the parcel, loads of times delivery drivers will just knock on a neighbour rather than take it away again.

Most people are just pleasant/civil with neighbours rather than immediately best friends just because you live nearby.

Find you’re own trades people, sounds like it was said off hand and it’s not come to anything, no big deal and I would think better to keep this separate anyway, if there were issues with the people they suggested it would be more awkward!

LawnFever · 04/07/2021 19:28

@QueeniesCroft

I'd find it quite odd that they arranged to have a parcel delivered to your house without asking- we are very good friends with our neighbours and we would still always ask- what if you had been away too?
It could easily be an arrangement from the previous owners, info like that just sits on online accounts.
ForeverSausages · 04/07/2021 19:30

I'm surprised by everyone saying it's standard haha. For the neighbour to put a note on their door to deliver to OP without saying anything and then to not collect it 2 days later? Is that normal? I'd be fuming haha. I'm really friendly with one set of neighbours, and then the other side think I'm a delivery service for their parcels. DH refuses their parcels now 😂😂. My nice neighbours would've definitely asked if they could have a parcel delivered to me, and would've then collected it.

Although, OP you should just get your own trades people. Not worth the hassle by all accounts!

rossloass · 04/07/2021 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Swipe left for the next trending thread