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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mourning the loss of my old life

55 replies

kavalkada · 04/07/2021 08:24

This is not AIBU, but more rant before I start my new life tomorrow.

I have a 7 year old boy and 2 year old girl. I have been a SAHM mum for the past seven years. I did some freelance work, but nothing serious and full time. I don't live in UK but in a country where if you're 42 year old woman and you have not excellent qualifications it is very hard to find a job. But after seven years of searching, going on failed interviews, I made it. I found one, and in my field, and I start tomorrow.

But it is a job where I wake up every morning at 5 am and I will never be home before 7 am. No Christmas, no Easter, no New Year's Day off and I work most of the weekends. In one day I'll go from somebody who was always there for my children to somebody who will hardly ever be there.

I had a conversation with my friend the other day and she told me: "You'll finally see how I have been coping these all years". But it is not the same. She has a job with every weekend off, every holiday and if her child is sick she has no problem taking the few days off to be with her child. I would kill for a job she has.

I'm grateful for my job, really grateful, but at the same time I haven't stopped crying since I found out I got it. I can't stop kissing and hugging my little boy and girl, knowing there will be no more morning cuddles, no opening gifts on Christmas morning. And I can already see my weekends off being spent on cooking and cleaning.

For those of you who were in a similar situation, how did you cope? What did you do to make your life easier?

OP posts:
DonLewis · 04/07/2021 08:28

Blimey, that's some job that you will be away from home all those hours every single day. I'm not sure any job is worth that, especially if you feel like this about it.

What job is it? There aren't many I can think of that are 12+ hours a day, 7 days a week, with no public holidays or annual leave.

DoctorStrangeness · 04/07/2021 08:30

I know you say you're grateful for your job, is it because you need the money?

Personally I don't think I could be away from my children for all that time and miss out on so much, there's no balance there. It sounds pretty miserable and exhausting.

FindingMeno · 04/07/2021 08:32

I don't know if you really struggled financially without a job, but if you didn't I wouldn't do the job.

Livingintheclouds · 04/07/2021 08:34

Why do you have to work so many hours? Is it far a way? And why no weekends or holidays? Doesn't sound like a good job to me. With the childcare you will have to pay for as well as the emotional cost, is it worth it?

PansyIvy · 04/07/2021 08:34

What on earth is this job!?! Personally I can’t imagine spending all of that time away from my young children. It would not be my choice, but then I’m aware not everyone has a choice.

Sciurus83 · 04/07/2021 08:34

What sort of job is this where you work 7 days a week for 12 hours and are never allowed to take holiday?

Changethatname81 · 04/07/2021 08:36

Will you have 2 days off per week? If so, as a starting point, I would ensure you don't do any chores on those days and devote that time to quality family time.

If you work this job for a year or so could that experience lead to a job with more sociable hours and holidays off?

TheArtfulCodger · 04/07/2021 08:36

I can't imagine what field of work means working 5am to 7pm, never having Christmas, Easter or new year off and working most weekends?! Will you really be working 7 days a week?

Personally I wouldn't consider it with young children (or even without to be honest. I don't live to work). Barring any other job opportunities, I'd rather set up a cleaning business and work the hours that suit me.

PicsInRed · 04/07/2021 08:36

Even medicine doesn't take you away every single Christmas, Easter and all weekends.

What is this job that is 5am to 7pm, including weekends and holidays? Unless I was so desperate for money the family were starving I wouldnt take it. There are other jobs.

Bluntness100 · 04/07/2021 08:36

@Sciurus83

What sort of job is this where you work 7 days a week for 12 hours and are never allowed to take holiday?
Agree that’s really unusual.
SmellThat · 04/07/2021 08:38

Is your new job being the President? I'm not sure any job is worth all of those sacrifices

Strikethrough · 04/07/2021 08:38

I'm assuming you mean it's a shift-type job (e.g. nursing) where you would frequently have to work weekends and holidays with days off in the week, rather than 14hr days for 365 days of the year?

PicsInRed · 04/07/2021 08:39

OP, you're going to have to tell us the country and work industry, otherwise it simply makes zero sense to us in the UK.

LawnFever · 04/07/2021 08:39

Agree re the hours, time off etc what on earth is this job? You can’t work 7 days a week, that’s madness.

Do you have a partner? Where is he in this situation?

Original poster
kavalkada · 04/07/2021 08:41

It is in media. Unfortunately news happen 365 days in a year and there is no running away from it. I worked in that field 15 years before I got children and I know how it is, I could do it when I had kids but now it is so hard.

Everybody wants to have free days for Christmas and Easter so company forbade free days for everybody.

OP posts:
Original poster
kavalkada · 04/07/2021 08:42

I have two days off, but every second or third week.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 04/07/2021 08:42

You're not a tree, you don't have to stay in the same place forever. If it doesn't work out, you can use it as a springboard to get something else that suits you more. My partner has a job that takes up his entire weekends and holidays and he's thinking of quitting after a couple of years. He really loves the job but he's finding it too much of a sacrifice. Just remember you have complete control to stop whenever you choose to. There are other jobs.

Sloaneslone · 04/07/2021 08:42

I have always worked, apart from mat leave.

I work alot of hours, travel sometimes. Its well paid so accept that's part of it. Bitbyheres perks such as flexibility and planning my own diary.

I don't think I would take this job. Never having Christmas or any national holidays off? Working everyday for 12 hours?

Never getting time with your children? Unless it was a choice between absolute poverty and this job, I wouldn't be taking the job

Original poster
kavalkada · 04/07/2021 08:47

@TeeBee

You're not a tree, you don't have to stay in the same place forever. If it doesn't work out, you can use it as a springboard to get something else that suits you more. My partner has a job that takes up his entire weekends and holidays and he's thinking of quitting after a couple of years. He really loves the job but he's finding it too much of a sacrifice. Just remember you have complete control to stop whenever you choose to. There are other jobs.
I know, and at this very moment I'm looking for something else. But it took me so long to find this job, I know the next one is not going to happen that soon.
OP posts:
Neondisco · 04/07/2021 08:48

@kavalkada

It is in media. Unfortunately news happen 365 days in a year and there is no running away from it. I worked in that field 15 years before I got children and I know how it is, I could do it when I had kids but now it is so hard.

Everybody wants to have free days for Christmas and Easter so company forbade free days for everybody.

What so everyone in media works those hours? People are sick 24/7 but medical staff don't work those hours, they do shifts to fit with life.

Honesty, going from being at home all of the time to hardly being there will be hard. Can you keep looking for something more manageable?

Theballoonsinthesky · 04/07/2021 08:50

I don't think you should take this job unless you absolutely have to for financial reasons. It's too much for a parent of young children and not fair on them I think. Just my personal opinion though and everyone should do what's right for them

DoctorStrangeness · 04/07/2021 08:50

@kavalkada

I have two days off, but every second or third week.
There's no way I'd even consider a job like this with having a family. Is your heart really in this huge change, OP?
Original poster
kavalkada · 04/07/2021 08:51

@LawnFever

Agree re the hours, time off etc what on earth is this job? You can’t work 7 days a week, that’s madness.

Do you have a partner? Where is he in this situation?

Yes, I have a husband and he has a dream job at this moment. He is working from home at this moment and will probably continue to do so. He has weekends and holidays off and very generous annual leave.

When he is not working, he'll be with our children. He'll take them to school and kindergarten and bring them home and be with them till I come home. Until the school starts my MIL will take care for them while he is working.

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 04/07/2021 08:51

OP, the acronym for this in China is "996 ICU", which means if you work 9am to 9pm 6 days a week, you end up in ICU (and/or dead).

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/996_working_hour_system

In Japan it's known as Karoshi (death by overwork).

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karoshi

Sciurus83 · 04/07/2021 08:51

Maybe you should think about a career change. You don't have to go backwards to what you did before if it doesn't fit your life now. Sounds like you're going from one extreme to the other. I know a lot of people who work in TV and media and this isn't their life

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