Mourning the loss of my old life

[kavalkada]

This is not AIBU, but more rant before I start my new life tomorrow.

I have a 7 year old boy and 2 year old girl. I have been a SAHM mum for the past seven years. I did some freelance work, but nothing serious and full time. I don't live in UK but in a country where if you're 42 year old woman and you have not excellent qualifications it is very hard to find a job. But after seven years of searching, going on failed interviews, I made it. I found one, and in my field, and I start tomorrow.

But it is a job where I wake up every morning at 5 am and I will never be home before 7 am. No Christmas, no Easter, no New Year's Day off and I work most of the weekends. In one day I'll go from somebody who was always there for my children to somebody who will hardly ever be there.

I had a conversation with my friend the other day and she told me: "You'll finally see how I have been coping these all years". But it is not the same. She has a job with every weekend off, every holiday and if her child is sick she has no problem taking the few days off to be with her child. I would kill for a job she has.

I'm grateful for my job, really grateful, but at the same time I haven't stopped crying since I found out I got it. I can't stop kissing and hugging my little boy and girl, knowing there will be no more morning cuddles, no opening gifts on Christmas morning. And I can already see my weekends off being spent on cooking and cleaning.

For those of you who were in a similar situation, how did you cope? What did you do to make your life easier?

I know that people in places like Hong Kong work crazy hours. Maybe give it a go and if it's not working out hand in your notice. At least you will know for sure.

DH started a job in the media 4 months ago op.

It is not remotely child friendly. He can't take any school holidays off or plan anything beyond a month in advance.

He leaves at 5am and is home 9pm. Sleeps most of the weekend. He is hoping to get promoted and work from home and less hours.

We have two DS who miss him and I can see they are growing apart a little bit. They still adore him but are less excited to see him these days. ..mostly because he is so knackered anyway.

The job takes everything from him.

He is enjoying it though, the extra cash I suppose.

My worked yesterday too. 5am until 9pm. Didn't even come and sit with me.

It does affect everything.

If you are in strong marriage and your dh willing to do everything else, why not do it for a year.

Build up coffers, network, go part time or find a better position.

I've been where you are now. Sahm for years. It is very difficult to get a job.

If you want a job with normal hours (you mentioned earlier) then you might need to swallow your pride and go for a job that isn’t in your field.

Good luck OP. You will find a way.
Your English is amazing by the way.
You are obviously very bright, and a great mum too. It will work out, give it a year and you may be able to move within the company or to another company closer to home. Go for it!

@kavalkada

I know this is not the point of this topic, but if this thread shows anything it is a great divide between Eastern and Western Europe.

Things that are allowed in east would never be allowed at west.

Trust me, I know nobody, nobody who is paid for their overtime.

And yes, while in my old job it was normal to work 12 hours a day, 7 day a week. We all did it.

And yes, companies work on as least possible people they can get away with it. It is just something we learn to live with.

That is one of the reasons many people from east go to west, not so much because of the money, but because of the better working conditions. Because if you want a good job with better working conditions, you usually have to have somebody to fix you that job. Otherwise, no.

I think it is probably hard to understand that if you've never experienced that.

But thank you for all your answers. I'll put up with it and try to find something better.

I have worked in media in eastern Europe! Still not what you describe, for someone coming back after 7 years so presumably not a management or on screen role.