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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - Falling asleep on sofa?

79 replies

GetDownWithTheCygent · 03/07/2021 23:19

So my OH has just had a massive go at me for falling asleep on the sofa, shouting and swearing. I think a complete over reaction but for context, we have a 3 year old DD and I’m 13 weeks pregnant with second child. I wake up early with DD each day, today at 8am, me and DD was out most of the day visiting family and only got home around 5pm. We was also stuck in traffic for an hour which made me more tired and DD did not want to sleep tonight and finally fell asleep about 10. So after coming down from upstairs at 10, I said to my OH that I was really tired today and he said to go to sleep. I felt guilty for going to sleep as we hadn’t seen each other all day or had any time on own together so I suggest watching a TV programme before bed. Anyways towards the end of the programme, I nodded off and he lost his temper and started swearing and shouting at me saying that I was a A hole etc and he had told me go to bed. He also thinks I fell asleep because it was a programme he had chosen and I wouldn’t have fallen asleep if I had chosen something I wanted to watch. AIBU? I just tried to spend sometime with him and it’s ended up in a massive row

OP posts:

Frownette · 04/07/2021 06:07

You didn't do anything wrong OP, hope you weren't too shaken. You said he's never like that normally?

Fairunibutterfly · 04/07/2021 06:08

This doesn’t sound right. If I fall asleep while watching tv with my oh he asks if he should turn off the program/film. If it was something oh picked he’d probably just keep watching and tell me to go to bed.

This doesn’t sound like a normal reaction, especially since you’re pregnant with a little one too.

Ineedaduvetday · 04/07/2021 06:14

No he doesn't usually speak to me like that.

If this is out of character, then I would find out what had caused him to act so unreasonably and I'd expect him to be very apologetic.

As an aside, it pisses me off when people are tired but instead of going to bed they stay up then fall asleep on the sofa.

Ineedaduvetday · 04/07/2021 06:15

I should add I wouldn't shout at them or have a go though.

strawberrymilkshakeisdelicious · 04/07/2021 07:28

Didn't need to read anything past "shouting and swearing". Nobody should be shouting and swearing at you.

TheFoundations · 04/07/2021 07:29

There's more going on here. People in healthy relationships who have kids don't feel guilty for going to bed when they're tired. People in healthy relationships don't guilt their partner for not enjoying things they chose to watch on the tv.

Do you feel consistently respected and supported by him, OP?

How would he respond if you told him you didn't want to watch his programmes on the tv? How would he respond if you didn't get to spend much time with him for an extended period, because you're tired? Does he do his share of the work involved in raising DD and taking care of your home? How has he acted before when you've done things he wasn't keen on?

Mrstamborineman · 04/07/2021 07:32

OMG leave.
I’m not kidding. I’ve been there and doesn’t get better

girlmom21 · 04/07/2021 07:36

I'd have a conversation this morning and tell him his behaviour was out of line and you won't be spoken to like that by him or anyone.

He was a massive dick but if it's out of character I'd find out what his problem is.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 04/07/2021 07:37

He's a piece of shit. Who does that?

I'm guessing this isn't the first time he's treated you badly either.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 04/07/2021 07:39

People in healthy relationships who have kids don't feel guilty for going to bed when they're tired. People in healthy relationships don't guilt their partner for not enjoying things they chose to watch on the tv.

100%

Someone who loves and cares about you would want you to get the rest that you need, not have a go at you for it.

DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou · 04/07/2021 07:40

@chickenyhead

Ewwww

I think he needs to tell you what's eating him, because you didn't do anything wrong

Who writes like this?!

Shoxfordian · 04/07/2021 07:42

He sounds like a knob
If this is part of a pattern of behaviour then think seriously about whether you want to stay with him

DoubleHelix79 · 04/07/2021 07:43

I spent most evenings of both my pregnancies fast asleep on the sofa. I was exhausted all the time from about 6/7 weeks onwards. DH not only didn't shout at me, he took over the lion's share of housework and brought me endless cups of tea to the sofa. That's what a decent partner does. If it was truly a one off he needs a serious talking to to help him understand how bloody tiring pregnancy is even in the first trimester, and what he needs to do to support you.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 04/07/2021 07:44

God, I love dozing on the sofa and am not pregnant. He sounds like an abusive twat.

toocold54 · 04/07/2021 09:25

I completely agree!

Original poster

GetDownWithTheCygent · 04/07/2021 22:51

Thanks for all your replies. I was just obviously tired and emotional to ask if I was being unreasonable. Today OH apologised and said he shouldn't of spoken to me like that. He said that he was upset that because I'd fallen asleep, he felt I wasn't interested in watching the programme he had chosen and felt that we didn't share the same interests. I explained I was tired and it wasn't that I wasn't interested I was just knackered.

OP posts:

Morechocolatethanbarbara · 04/07/2021 22:59

His apology is shit.

Who shouts and swears at a pregnant woman?

He should be nurturing you, putting his own DD to bed while you put your feet up (&/or have a nap) to enable you to have the energy to spend some time with him.

I'm shocked that men speak to their partners like this, "apologise" the next day and everything is deemed to be ok.

Would he have behaved like that to a stranger? A man? His parents?

If not, why on earth would it ever be acceptable to behave like that to the woman growing his child?

He's a dick and his "apology" is simply blaming you for him getting angry, making it your fault rather than apologising for his horrendous behaviour.

Rillington · 04/07/2021 23:02

@GetDownWithTheCygent that's not an apology. That's blaming you for him being a dick.

Moomala · 04/07/2021 23:05

What an idiot.

thepeopleversuswork · 04/07/2021 23:07

YANBU and your husband is a complete arsehole.
I realise its probably not as simple as this but you can't bring children up with someone who thinks its acceptable for shouting at a pregnant woman pregnant with his child for falling asleep in her own home.
FFS.

TheFoundations · 04/07/2021 23:09

So, you fell asleep, you weren't interested in his programme, and you aren't interested in what he is.

Essentially he's said if you'd done things differently, he would have treated you better.

EastWestWhosBest · 04/07/2021 23:12

@GetDownWithTheCygent

Nope, still a dick.

So he is demanding that you have to stay awake and watch a program about something he is interested in to make him happy when you have been looking after your child all day. What has he been doing?

LouiseBelchersBunnyEars · 04/07/2021 23:13

That’s a terrible apology!
He sounds fucking awful

girlmom21 · 05/07/2021 06:02

He feels like you have different interests because you fell asleep after telling him you were tired, but if you'd have gone to bed like he'd instructed you to it wouldn't have been a problem?

Blackhawkdown2020 · 06/07/2021 00:40

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

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