Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU - Falling asleep on sofa?

79 replies

GetDownWithTheCygent · 03/07/2021 23:19

So my OH has just had a massive go at me for falling asleep on the sofa, shouting and swearing. I think a complete over reaction but for context, we have a 3 year old DD and I’m 13 weeks pregnant with second child. I wake up early with DD each day, today at 8am, me and DD was out most of the day visiting family and only got home around 5pm. We was also stuck in traffic for an hour which made me more tired and DD did not want to sleep tonight and finally fell asleep about 10. So after coming down from upstairs at 10, I said to my OH that I was really tired today and he said to go to sleep. I felt guilty for going to sleep as we hadn’t seen each other all day or had any time on own together so I suggest watching a TV programme before bed. Anyways towards the end of the programme, I nodded off and he lost his temper and started swearing and shouting at me saying that I was a A hole etc and he had told me go to bed. He also thinks I fell asleep because it was a programme he had chosen and I wouldn’t have fallen asleep if I had chosen something I wanted to watch. AIBU? I just tried to spend sometime with him and it’s ended up in a massive row

OP posts:

Astella22 · 04/07/2021 00:02

I would be waiting for a massive apology, what a dick.

NormanStangerson · 04/07/2021 00:02

What sort of a nasty, stupid cunt yells abuse at his pregnant wife for falling asleep on the sofa at the end of the day?

Yellowshirt · 04/07/2021 00:03

I love a snooze on the sofa. Don't we all?

GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 04/07/2021 00:05

This is not on. Even if it's just a one off he should be apologising and quickly.

What the fuck is wrong with falling asleep on the sofa anyway? I will never understand some people

BackforGood · 04/07/2021 00:06

The tiny bit where you were being unreasonable, is not going to bed, that late at night when you are so tired. Doesn't make sense at that point to start getting comfy on the sofa.

Not that that, in any was excuses him shouting and swearing at you.

I am also wondering why, if you and your dd had been out all day, for a long day, it was you putting her to bed and not him.

xprincessxjanetx · 04/07/2021 00:07

He sounds like a total dickhead.

Signifyingnothing · 04/07/2021 00:07

Not okay. On any level.

floppybit · 04/07/2021 00:08

I can't believe what I've just read. You were shouted at for falling asleep? Jesus Christ

chickenyhead · 04/07/2021 00:12

What was he like during your last pregnancy? Abuse often begins during pregnancy, or escalates.

Holeycustardbatman · 04/07/2021 00:14

He cant cope with the situation he’s in. Is he the aggressor? Yep. Is it your fault? Nope. Is it down to you to deal with the situation? Sadly yes. Whatever fear is driving him to behave so poorly is really not your problem and yet it completely is cos you have to live with him. Speak to him directly and clearly about the reality of the situation that makes his silly brain uncomfortable and dont take any shit, for your sakes and your kids.

CrystalTits · 04/07/2021 00:17

He’s the A hole.

OliviaNewtAndJohn · 04/07/2021 00:18

What a prick.

TheFoundations · 04/07/2021 00:21

@Holeycustardbatman

Yes. Fault and responsibility are often conflated but they are completely discrete and often opposite. It is 100% the abuser's fault. It is 100% the victim's responsibility to get themselves away from the abuse.

Any other attempt at a solution would involve trying to change/control the abuser, which is equivalent to bashing your head on a wall.

SRS29 · 04/07/2021 00:31

Oh OP..this is not a good sign ....sorry ..

WantingToWonder · 04/07/2021 00:36

He is an abusive arsehole.

toocold54 · 04/07/2021 00:52

WTF that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read. It’s your home you can fall asleep wherever you want to!
I can’t ever imagine being told off for falling asleep in my sofa in my own home. Not even my mum would have told me off when I was a child so why does he think he can have a go at you over it!
I would be sleeping on that sofa every night until he moved out.

FlyingBattie · 04/07/2021 01:01

Wow
HISBVU, what an arse. Is he normally as nasty as that?

FatJan · 04/07/2021 01:16

You were extremely tired after a busy day, 3 months pregnant, and he shouted at you for falling asleep.

Are you going to justify this behaviour and stay with him? So far you've said it was 'out of character' for him - that's quite a good one. You'll need another for when it starts to become the norm though. Maybe he's stressed/depressed? Then the abuse isn't really his fault, right, it's because he's 'struggling'.

Don't become your own worst enemy. Get out of there.

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 04/07/2021 01:31

Oh dear. Oh dear, dear, dear.

He's a twat.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/07/2021 01:42

In early stages of my pregnancy if I actually wasn’t at my desk at work I was usually asleep (or being sick). DH would drive me to work and wake me up when I was at the office, on the return journey he would wake me up when we got home (where I would immediately throw up on the drive ). I would usually have a snooze at some point on the sofa in the evening.

At no point in time did DH shout at me for falling asleep

CockSpadget · 04/07/2021 02:00

OP, you don't need to justify why you fell asleep, it doesn't matter whether you had a long tiring day or the laziest day ever, falling asleep on the sofa while watching TV is perfectly normal and absolutely reasonable.
The way your OH reacted, is far from normal, and completely unreasonable. Is this really out of character for him? Or if you think about it has he shown any issues regarding control or jealousy etc? Because I find it hard to believe that someone who has been completely non abusive and normal previously would all of a sudden act this way.

Tossblanket · 04/07/2021 04:48

Wow, just wow.

You've chosen to have another child with this bell end, crazy.

Mincingfuckdragon · 04/07/2021 05:05

He's a real asshole OP.

My DH falls asleep on the sofa at least 4 nights a week night, then snores extremely loudly (cannot hear television or concentrate on a book over it) and doesn't sit up or go to bed even when woken 3 or 4 times and asked repeatedly. And I don't yell at him or have a massive go at him because - despite how very frustrating I find his behaviour - that would be really mean and abusive.

Your partner has no excuse.

PurpleFlower1983 · 04/07/2021 05:55

He sounds awful!

Youarestillintherunning · 04/07/2021 05:59

He sounds absolutely awful, I'm not pregnant, but every night like clockwork I start to fall asleep on the sofa about half 9. My partner leaves me to nap until he goes to bed then wakes me up. I have no idea what kind of issue your partner has with you falling asleep, it's bizarre, and the name calling is unacceptable, I'm so sorry op.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread