To not think 26 is young for a first baby

[Wildtimes78889]

Dd is pregnant and 26 and people keep saying how young she is. Aibu to think it’s perfectly average age to have a baby.

Not young really but depends on the demographic. In my home town (not many career opportunities) you were considered a bit of a snob/stuck up if you weren't pregnant before your mid twenties.

In my workplace (central London law firm) and I suppose other workplaces with mainly graduate employees you're considered "young" if you have your first baby before 33 or so. Everyone wants to get to Associate level first. I was 30 when I had my first and a lot of people expressed surprise that I was having a baby "so soon"!

I think it depends. I don't believe it's too young (had dd at 25) but in my friend group, I'm the only one with a child and now we're all late 20's/early 30's so to them, yes I was young.
The only opinion that matters is your DD's. Ignore others, not everyone does everything at the same time.

@GranolaHolmes

I had my first at 26. By 26 I was well educated and had established my career. Perhaps it takes some middle class folks longer to get to that point pissing up their trust fund on gap years.

That's extremely judgemental. I know many people who were just as accomplished at that age, but didn't choose to have children. No pissing up trust funds, just not ready to bring children into their lives for one reason or another.

@GranolaHolmes

I had my first at 26. By 26 I was well educated and had established my career. Perhaps it takes some middle class folks longer to get to that point pissing up their trust fund on gap years.

What?! This is ridiculous.

It’s young in my mind but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s totally a question of what’s normal in your social circle. In my friendship group and profession having a baby before 30 would be seen as quite unusual. As I say, not bad, just unusual.

I'll be 39 when I have my first.

Straightforward pregnancy so far. No miscarriages or anything like that. No disabilities detected.

Not one midwife or doctor has ever once mentioned my age or referred to me as an elderly primigravida. It must vary from area to area.

26 is on the young side, but not shockingly so. Most of my friends got married around 28/29 and had kids in their early 30s.

It's not any more judgemental than the assumptions many of you make that it's a choice between age or career and education.

For what it's worth, my personal experience is that the first pregnancy at 26 was physically a breeze but the 3rd at 36 was noticeable more challenging on my body. Mentally it was hard going at 26, less so at 36.

@GranolaHolmes

It's not any more judgemental than the assumptions many of you make that it's a choice between age or career and education.

For what it's worth, my personal experience is that the first pregnancy at 26 was physically a breeze but the 3rd at 36 was noticeable more challenging on my body. Mentally it was hard going at 26, less so at 36.

But isn’t that difficult to see as in any way purely age-related, because it was also your third pregnancy? I had my only child at 39, and had a breeze of a pregnancy and a straightforward birth, in part probably because I was very fit, but presumably also because it was my first pregnancy, so no lingering issues, no previous birth injuries, no sleepless nights from an insomniac toddler or challenging teenager, so I was well-rested and mentally in good shape.

It wasn't better at either age, just different.

In my situation, while physically harder, experience meant my 3rd was the most enjoyable experience of the three.

I think it depends on the circumstances, one person could be ready to have a child at 26 and be financially secure and ready and another 26 year could have no support and not be in the right mind frame. I was v immature and would never have been able to raise a child. Well i would have had to but its not something I would have liked.

I was 25 when I "fell" pregnant (26 when I gave birth) and people said the same to me... "but you're so young, don't you want to travel?" "wouldn't you rather be married first?" "what about your partner's job? Can that wage support you both?" "you can't have a career and a baby you know!" My partner and I had already bought a family home together a year beforehand & I work for a company that is all about work/life balance and having a career. Personally, at 26, I was old enough to have a child, but young enough to still advance my career once he starts school and I go back to work full time.

Absolutely not too young. I went from releasing two eggs a month to zero, just like that with no warning, witnessed by many in the fertility clinic. While I wouldn’t encourage my DD either way to either promote or delay a pregnancy, I would support her decision and make my situation known to her.

Under no circumstances would I wish for her to through the many decades of fertility treatment I had to endure.

[quote notthemum]@Woodhill.
🤣. Blooming cheek.
No, it wasn't the 'norm' when I was growing up.
When I had my Dd I was the youngest one on the ward. Most of the other mums there seemed to be at least in their mid twenties which at the time seemed to be flipping ancient to me.
(Some of them were older and were having their 2nd or 3rd)
In those days there was none of this chucking you out of hospital as soon as baby arrived and you were expected to stay there for 7 days.
I was much quieter then than I am now and tried very hard to ignore them when they were all talking about how young I was. I was relieved when a day or two later a girl of 16 was put onto the ward with her baby boy. At least it gave me a break from being talked about.
School leaving age didn't change from 15 to sixteen. I was just a very late summer baby and the exams were due in April/May time. As I said, it had been drummed into me since 11 that even if I had been a female Einstein I would not be staying on to sixth form, going to college or uni. So I couldn't see any point in slogging my guts out somewhere I hated for nothing.
If you were not taking any exams other than the ones you had no choice about (Maths and English) then you were allowed to leave at the end of the May. That is what I did and I started work within about two weeks. I was 16 at the end of that August. [/quote]
@Thekindofwindowsfaceslookinat

Your post was interesting- really you were just young in your school year -Y11?

Did you feel it was a shame that you couldn't stay on at school? Did your parents want you to contribute financially?

I know MIL & fil couldn't stay in 6th form and dfil left school at 14/15, 30s babies and in my generation people went to work at 16 but a lot stayed in 6th form or went to college

Sorry my last post was to wrong poster - apologies.

I meant @notthemum

It's young but it's not too young. It's a nice age really. Leaves you longer to have more dc, or can retire a bit younger!!

@Woodhill.
My birthday was/is very end of August and the cut off date at the time was something like 2nd September so 2 days later and I would have been a year lower. I think everything would have been different then.
Until I went to secondary school I was the apple of my fathers eye. Once I wanted to go out and had made some friends that completely changed. My father hated it and would tell me every day that as soon as I left school I had to find a job to pay back all that he had spent on me. He wanted to look into fostering because he said it would give me a companion but in actual fact it would have been purely for the monèy. Luckily for everyone this was the one time that my mother disagreed with him.
I hated secondary school from the day I started there and that, with DF telling me constantly that I had to get a job and what it was going to be, meant that I couldn't wait to leave both home and school. Both felt like I imagined prison would be.
Think I have answered all your questions for now ? But feel free to message me if I have missed anything.

Ignore. There are people out there who view women in their 20s as children hence the shock at them being parents.

[quote notthemum]@Woodhill.
My birthday was/is very end of August and the cut off date at the time was something like 2nd September so 2 days later and I would have been a year lower. I think everything would have been different then.
Until I went to secondary school I was the apple of my fathers eye. Once I wanted to go out and had made some friends that completely changed. My father hated it and would tell me every day that as soon as I left school I had to find a job to pay back all that he had spent on me. He wanted to look into fostering because he said it would give me a companion but in actual fact it would have been purely for the monèy. Luckily for everyone this was the one time that my mother disagreed with him.
I hated secondary school from the day I started there and that, with DF telling me constantly that I had to get a job and what it was going to be, meant that I couldn't wait to leave both home and school. Both felt like I imagined prison would be.
Think I have answered all your questions for now ? But feel free to message me if I have missed anything. [/quote]
@notthemum

Sorry to hear about that situation with your dad

Hope you didn't mind me asking questions😊

I think under 30 is young, under 25 is very young and under 21 is a child. But that's just my opinion.

What matters is your daughter was ready and wanted one.

Wether it was the right financial, physical or logical decision is debatable at any age.

@Woodhill. Thats just the way it was. Once I had left home and become a mum things changed again between me and my df.
I've probably made him sound like a complete ogre and he could be. But if you were in trouble you definitely wanted him on your side.
No I didn't/don't mind you asking questions at all. Has been good to think about him for a while. Still do think of him now and again but not as much as I used to. If I could go back there are a few things I would change but not a lot.
Think I may have a little drink before I go to bed. I am quite tired now. 🥂 Cheers.