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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not think 26 is young for a first baby

220 replies

Wildtimes78889 · 03/07/2021 19:27

Dd is pregnant and 26 and people keep saying how young she is. Aibu to think it’s perfectly average age to have a baby.

OP posts:
RicStar · 04/07/2021 07:23

Op doesn't say if people are saying too young or just young. Statistically it is young as average age of first is now over 30, but of course a huge range in there. I would have liked my children younger than I had them I was 31 for first, but most of my school friends had them later than me for many reasons. I think its probably just small talk, I cant see its an age people would think wow toooo young.

StillCalmX · 04/07/2021 07:23

I wish I'd had my dc at 26 and 28 not 32 and 36
After about 25 I think it's just ''choice''.

I would think that 20-23 was a bit to young (jmo) but by 26 I think, well, there are downsides to leaving it later! If she has her dc close together she''ll have freedom back when she's young enough to enjoy to enjoy (and FIT enough to enjoy it)

MissTrip82 · 04/07/2021 07:25

It would be young in my social group - I don’t know anyone who was married then, let alone pregnant - but that’s not the same as too young.

Incredibly rude to comment even if it were.

thecrowroad · 04/07/2021 07:30

I have two degrees (Russel Group unis) and and a senior leadership role. I had my first at 23. Being educated and having children in your twenties are not mutually exclusive!

Fieldsofstars · 04/07/2021 07:40

My midwife called me a baby, I was 24.

LactoseTheIntolerant · 04/07/2021 07:48

I think it's a brilliant age so long as she's settled in other areas of her life. I like being a younger parent (compared to my peers) my eldest dc is now 14 at an independent boys school in London (I say this purely as an indication of his peers socio-economic background which seems to matter so much on mumsnet!) anyway all his friends parents are 10 years older than us. I bloody love it! I didn't think I was young when I got pregnant and biologically it was a great age so really don't understand why people would say it, but often find when people comment on things like this it's projecting they're own insecurities so just ignore them.

caughtinanet · 04/07/2021 07:49

@thecrowroad

I have two degrees (Russel Group unis) and and a senior leadership role. I had my first at 23. Being educated and having children in your twenties are not mutually exclusive!
No one is saying it is but I'm sure you can accept that statistically those with higher levels of education tend to have children at a later age

It's not a judgement it just the way life works, in the main if you're working for professional qualifications and/or established a career you tend to do those things before you start having children

But what do I know, I only have the one degree Smile

Trinacham · 04/07/2021 08:26

As said already, these days it is young, but not 'too' young. The average age of a first time mother is nearly 30 now.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 04/07/2021 08:31

Depends on the demographic. I had my first around that age and within my uni friends yes it was very early. Most didn't start until their mid 30s. Some were still finishing up PhDs or working hard to establish demanding careers at that age. Within my friends from home who didn't go to uni it was fairly average. They had all been working for 8-10 years so were more ready to move on to the next stage.

notthemum · 04/07/2021 09:05

👋👏 Hi 2bunny. I was 17 when I had mine. (Long time ago now. No, not an accident very much wanted and loved. )
Over the years I occasionally thought that I had missed out on my own growing up and maybe I should have waited. However my Dd was around 7 when my DF died and they adored each other. I feel that both of their lives were truly enriched by the bond and the love that they had for each other.
@Dr Detriment and ouchmyfeethurt.
OMG. How bloody rude. Obviously going to university and having a career did nothing for your social skills. Ooh, I do hope that your judgey pants are not too tight.
There was no way that I could ever have gone to university as I would not have been allowed. It was made very clear to me from the age of 11 that the day I would be leaving school at 15 was the day I had to go out and get a job so my parents could have most of my money. I do not consider myself poorly educated though despite having to learn most things on my own. I also had the energy and inclination to play and learn with my child.
I admit that I couldn't tell you much about quantum physics but that is what the Internet is for.
I do however have qualifications coming out of my ears and ran my own successful business for nearly 20 years.
My child and I have always been close apart from the usual teenage traumas. I also fostered a teenager for 18 months.
I got invited to go out with her and her friends for her 18th. Also for her hen night. I am very happy that I had her when I did and now not in great health if i had her later I would not have been able to help her with her own children.

So finally OP, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. She must do what is right for her . I wish her all the luck in the world and I am sure she will make a great mum and you a lovely granny. 💐🤰🤱👶

AlexaShutUp · 04/07/2021 09:08

I think it's young but I wouldn't comment.

Onairjunkie · 04/07/2021 09:10

It’s not too young, but it’s quite young for a lot of women now. I was so not ready for the burden of a child at that age.

Tumbleweed101 · 04/07/2021 09:33

I was 22 and 24 when I had my first two babies and didn’t feel too young. Looking at my children who are now pretty much those ages they do seem really young lol.

I think 26 is a good age to have a first baby.

LuaDipa · 04/07/2021 10:21

@Comedycook

Depends on your social circle. I was 26 but living in London with a very middle class circle of friends...I felt like a teen mum!
This.

I had my first mid-twenties and thought it was a perfectly normal age to have dc until ds started school. I then realised that I was younger than the vast majority of parents. They used to act as if I was some sort of child bride (I was actually referred to as that on occasion).

It very much depends on who you come into contact with!!!

Imapotato · 04/07/2021 10:26

I think 26 is a fab age to have a first. Congrats to your daughter.

woodhill · 04/07/2021 11:35

@notthemum

👋👏 Hi 2bunny. I was 17 when I had mine. (Long time ago now. No, not an accident very much wanted and loved. ) Over the years I occasionally thought that I had missed out on my own growing up and maybe I should have waited. However my Dd was around 7 when my DF died and they adored each other. I feel that both of their lives were truly enriched by the bond and the love that they had for each other. *@Dr* Detriment and ouchmyfeethurt. OMG. How bloody rude. Obviously going to university and having a career did nothing for your social skills. Ooh, I do hope that your judgey pants are not too tight. There was no way that I could ever have gone to university as I would not have been allowed. It was made very clear to me from the age of 11 that the day I would be leaving school at 15 was the day I had to go out and get a job so my parents could have most of my money. I do not consider myself poorly educated though despite having to learn most things on my own. I also had the energy and inclination to play and learn with my child. I admit that I couldn't tell you much about quantum physics but that is what the Internet is for. I do however have qualifications coming out of my ears and ran my own successful business for nearly 20 years. My child and I have always been close apart from the usual teenage traumas. I also fostered a teenager for 18 months. I got invited to go out with her and her friends for her 18th. Also for her hen night. I am very happy that I had her when I did and now not in great health if i had her later I would not have been able to help her with her own children. So finally OP, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. She must do what is right for her . I wish her all the luck in the world and I am sure she will make a great mum and you a lovely granny. 💐🤰🤱👶
To be fair wasn't that more the norm though when you were growing up. When did school leaving age rise to 16. More educational opportunities nowadays

Interesting points though. I couldn't wait to be a mum

SunSeaSurfGin · 04/07/2021 11:43

That's a normal age to get pregnant in my social circle. 26 was the first age where suddenly everyone was ttc, pregnant or had a new born

MilduraS · 04/07/2021 11:48

Depends on where you live. The small Irish town in from? Perfectly average age. The bigger English town where I live? Pretty young because most people are still living at home with parents at that age.

Most of my friends and colleagues started having babies or trying to conceive at around 30 but quite a few of them have since been outraged to find their second or third pregnancy labelled as geriatric at 35. So really there's no winning either way.

Bluedeblue · 04/07/2021 11:53

It's a good age to have them, I think. I was 27 when I had my first, and 28 when I had my second. I'm now 51 and they are 24 & 22, but I know a few people my age who still have pre-schoolers, which I cannot even imagine! I would not want to still be on the school run in my late 60's. I want to be retired and travelling!

CoralSparkles · 04/07/2021 12:06

26 is a normal age. I think under 25 is young to be a parent. Mid 20s-early 30s is a normal age to be a first time parent.

rainbowunicorn · 04/07/2021 12:10

@DrDetriment

I think it's young but I wouldn't dream of commenting to her and I think it depends where you live. Where I live most women have children in their 30s as they are well educated and establish a career first.
What a dickhead comment to make. You can be well educated and have a career and still have children before you are 30.
Zari29 · 04/07/2021 12:11

Not one in our circle had a baby in their 20s so to me that is very young. But as pp have said, it just really depends. If that's the reaction she's getting then I don't think my views are that odd.

EmeraldShamrock · 04/07/2021 12:21

Our circle was a mix bag, 3 teenage pregnancies, 2 who stuck at one and went on to a career.
I was 29 one of the first of the older group.
Friend had her 2nd last week at 42. He's adorable.
Another friend is a DGM to two at 40.

WeatherSystems · 04/07/2021 12:23

@Bluedeblue

It's a good age to have them, I think. I was 27 when I had my first, and 28 when I had my second. I'm now 51 and they are 24 & 22, but I know a few people my age who still have pre-schoolers, which I cannot even imagine! I would not want to still be on the school run in my late 60's. I want to be retired and travelling!
Really? You know a few people who had children at 47ish?
ChequerBoard · 04/07/2021 12:23

I wouldn't have said 26 was a young age for a first baby, sounds about perfect to me.

But then when I had my first at 32 they wrote 'elderly prima gravida' in my notes. 😂