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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unflattering photo

86 replies

Wonmoretime · 03/07/2021 19:04

First day of holiday with DH. UK seaside resort, walking along the front, stop for a drink outside a nice bar. It’s a bit windswept and we’re in jeans. He takes a photo of our drinks and posts to social media. We Get back to the hotel and I have lots of Facebook notifications; he’s tagged me in the picture and what I thought was a snap of our drinks shows me hunched over table looking a real state, it has elicited a lot of laughs and ‘witty’ comments. AIBU to be cross and make him delete it off FB?

OP posts:
ZombeaArthur · 03/07/2021 19:40

I had a friend who only posted the most carefully selected, heavily edited photos of herself, but would happily post incredibly unflattering pictures of someone else. They’d have a mouthful of food or eyes half closed, just really bad photos that looked nothing like them. I think she was completely blind to how others appeared in photos, which is weird considering how particular she was about herself.

girlmom21 · 03/07/2021 19:41

@Awwlookatmybabyspider

What effort is there in taking a picture@girlmon21. Am I missing somethingConfused
Well often women complain that their OH's don't ever post pictures of them on their social media or that they never think to take pictures full stop.

He obviously thought she looked nice. I don't know why you're offended by that.

SilenceOfTheNaans · 03/07/2021 19:44

ZombeaArthur

I would disagree and say she is the sort who would post the picture regardless as long as she thinks she looks good.

Nocutenamesleft · 03/07/2021 19:45

The facebook post make me feel so glad me and my Dh don’t have it

I feel for you. It’s horrid to think you always have to be on show. Thank god when I was younger our drunk photos never got posted. Hugs x

ZombeaArthur · 03/07/2021 19:48

@SilenceOfTheNaans to be honest, I think you’re right.

FlaminEckVera · 03/07/2021 19:48

@MrsTerryPratchett

I'm worse than Naomi Campbell for vetting pictures that get posted. I can look great or like a curried tomato left in the sun too long.
Made me LOL that did! Grin

Same here. I don't mind people taking pics of me, but never - and I mean NEVER when I don't know it's being taken. Too much risk (for many people, not just me,) of looking double-chinneo, hunched over, and pot bellied.

It's horrible to take pics of people when they don't know it's being taken, because it's very often not flattering.

Candid photos of celebrities look COMPLETELY different to 'posed' ones... They look like a different person, and they have many minor flaws (like we all do.)

I can look a stone heavier from the wrong angle, and 5 to 7 years older. With the right angle I can look 5 to 7 years younger, and a stone lighter...

@Wonmoretime YANBU. I would have gone batshit.

My DH had this habit several years ago (when he got a new snazzy camera!) of fucking FILMING me when I wasn't looking/didn't know about it. When I was hanging the washing out, and playing with the cats in the garden, and when I was washing up in the kitchen...

He said he wanted to film me, as I looked 'cute' and 'natural.' I fucking didn't look CUTE. I looked bastard horrible (IMO.) No make up, scruffy hair, and with a podgy belly, and fat arse. When I told him this and to stop FILMING me, he said I didn't look bad - OR fat, I looked gorgeous. Hmm I went so batshit at him, the 5th time he did it (in as many weeks.) I told him he was really upsetting me and making me so angry, that I will smash his camera up if he films me again.

He never did it again.

FlaminEckVera · 03/07/2021 19:48

@girlmom21

Did he do it in good faith, like didn't realise you wouldn't like it? I think it's nice that he made the effort to take a picture - just crap that he took one where you don't feel you look nice.
LOL, are you having a laugh??? Taking a picture takes precisely fuck-all effort!
gindreams · 03/07/2021 19:49

@Daisychaincarrot

Surely everyone has the right to chose what goes on social media . Are you normally this unpleasant ?

HTH1 · 03/07/2021 19:50

Call me petty but I would secretly take the worst possible photo of him and post it with a joke about payback 👿

PotassiumChloride · 03/07/2021 19:51

No, you wouldn’t be unreasonable. In fact, I think anybody who posts a photo of someone else on social media without asking them first is out of order.

Pikachusbutt · 03/07/2021 19:52

@Daisychaincarrot

Ffs the man loves you. I hate to tel you this…but you spent the whole day looking like this unflattering photo and yet he thinks you’re beautiful and wants to share the photo. YABU
I'm kind of thinking this too. You've spent all day walking around in public looking like that 🤷‍♀️

I look hideous in photos but I look hideous in real life too.

FlaminEckVera · 03/07/2021 19:55

@Daisychaincarrot

Ffs the man loves you. I hate to tel you this…but you spent the whole day looking like this unflattering photo and yet he thinks you’re beautiful and wants to share the photo. YABU
Wow. I don't even know where to start with this.

So because he WUBZ her, and fink she bootyful, he can do what he fuck he likes, take photos without her permission, and post them on social media for everyone to see, and copy and keep themselves? Hmm

VERY glad I don't know YOU in real life!

mam0918 · 03/07/2021 20:00

Depends how bad it is.

My DH posted a photo of me passed out asleep, gross and messed up in a hospital bed after giving birth... god fucking knows what he was thinking but he will NEVER make that mistake again.

He also posted a photo from our wedding day, its a bad snap shop where I look whiter than casper and have a double chin... I hate it but he litrally and honestly seems to think its adorable so I let him keep it up even though I still hate it when it pops up.

RamItBunty · 03/07/2021 20:04

What a disproportionate fuss about nothing. He posted a spontaneous and appropriate photo. It wasn’t you sans towel getting out a shower. It’s a photo during a meal. It’s really quite vain and self absorbed to be bothered

DreamingofTimbuktu · 03/07/2021 20:09

I think you’re a bit vain to care so much - it doesn’t sound like he was being mean, just posting a photo of you having a nice time to your mutual friends

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/07/2021 20:11

I never understand taking pictures of food or drinks and then uploading to social media. I couldn’t care less what people are eating etc.

If you don’t want pictures in SM just tell him rather than him having to get pre approval for any,

TheRebelle · 03/07/2021 20:21

Op if it makes you feel any better I went round to MIL earlier and she had framed and put on the wall a picture of me holding DD the day after she was born, I was wearing pyjamas, surrounded by half empty cups and crisp packets, mid yawn with my hair all messy where I must’ve fallen asleep on the sofa and just woken up as the photo was being taken! I asked her why on earth she’d gone to the trouble of printing that photo and she said it was a nice one of DD?! I mean ffs.

Floogal · 03/07/2021 20:22

Ummmm similar thing happened to DH. Few years ago on the beach we were with friends. Someone took a picture of him coming out sea in Speedos (without him knowing). Next day he opened his Facebook to find he was tagged in picture of him in trunks. Not happy and ended up having to request the pictures be taken down

SilenceOfTheNaans · 03/07/2021 20:26

Wish the "you're vain" parade would piss off.

I was 15 and teased endlessly at school about being fat. I was 9 stone, 5ft 5 and had boobs and a bum and looked fabulous.

I've been conditioned to think that 9 stone me is "fat" and I've not been able to shake that throughout my life so no. I don't like photos of me but I like me. I expect, at the very least, for my husband to respect my feelings and not post photos of me that I don't want posted.

RamItBunty · 03/07/2021 20:29

Quite clearly that’s a profound over reaction that has stayed with you @SilenceOfTheNaans. It really has nothing to do with other posters commenting on op misplaced vanity. So no one will be pissing off because you have body ssues

SilenceOfTheNaans · 03/07/2021 20:32

I don't think my feelings are an over reaction though. It's how I felt, I can see with hindsight now that it wasn't in the least true but its taken me along time to like myself because of what the bullying did to me.

I don't think vanity comes into it. It's confidence and if mine or OPs confidence is knocked because of a crap picture then I think it's OK to not want it out there. I also think it's OK to expect people won't post photos of you if you don't want them to post them 🤷‍♀️

SilenceOfTheNaans · 03/07/2021 20:33

Also you're really rude.

RamItBunty · 03/07/2021 20:35

And you telling posters to piss off, what was that? Banter?

girlmom21 · 03/07/2021 20:37

@SilenceOfTheNaans is this a name change fail or are you getting really angry on someone else's behalf?

SilenceOfTheNaans · 03/07/2021 20:39

I'm not angry at all just think it's shitty behaviour tbh and not a name change fail at all. Happy to be checked out by MNHQ