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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being too precious or does he need educating?! Kids food safety

55 replies

Wingingitmum21 · 03/07/2021 17:20

DC is 5, but has a condition/disorder so is developmentally/mentally delayed and does not think or behave in the way that a 5 year old is expected.

I don’t allow DC to have chewing gum (wouldn’t know to chew it and not swallow, big risk of swallowing it and potentially choking), lollipops (if the end came off DC wouldn’t know to break it and would swallow it and would get lodged in throat) and my main peeve especially is mini eggs as I think they are a massive choking risk for children anyway regardless of age and ability.

The last few times DC has come home from seeing their dad they’ve had packs of chewing gum and lollipops and they’ve just come home with mini eggs from the ice cream shop despite me telling dad that DC isn’t allowed things like this because I don’t want to risk them choking until they understand how to eat safely etc.

Dad just says I’m being too precious and all children should be allowed these things but his irresponsibility is really starting to bug me now and it’s making me not want to leave him alone with DC unsupervised incase DC ends up potentially choking on something because dad keeps giving these hazards and would probably fail to cut food appropriately too (grapes, etc), and I’m more worried because DC doesn’t eat like other children their age because of delay.

Am I being too precious or do I need to start putting measures in place so that DC is safe?

OP posts:
Royalbloo · 03/07/2021 17:25

I agree with you

Mayaspecialist · 03/07/2021 17:26

This is a very difficult one.

I am honestly not sure how much of a chocking hazard mini eggs are. Yes they can slip down, not sure if they would get stuck.

I do understand your concern.

However, I am not sure you can and can not dictate what he feeds them.

If you really feel this is an examplr of how he doesn't look after them properly and doesn't take their safety important. I think the only route you could go down is an official one.

Lactarius · 03/07/2021 17:27

Too precious

Original poster
Wingingitmum21 · 03/07/2021 17:27

Unfortunately there are many warnings every year about mini eggs in the news - they are the perfect shape to get lodged in a child’s airway and unfortunately children do lose their lives to mini eggs especially around Easter times. X

OP posts:
Cleverpolly3 · 03/07/2021 17:29

@Mayaspecialist

www.lincolnshirelive.co.uk/news/local-news/mums-heart-breaking-warning-daughter-2582637

A child choked to death on a mini egg

OP I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all
How on board in general is your ex with parenting and safety etc?

LindaEllen · 03/07/2021 17:29

@Lactarius

Too precious
Her child is 5 with a condition that means s/he thinks and acts younger than 5.

Would you give chewing gum to a 3 year old? Honestly?

Mayaspecialist · 03/07/2021 17:30

@Wingingitmum21

Unfortunately there are many warnings every year about mini eggs in the news - they are the perfect shape to get lodged in a child’s airway and unfortunately children do lose their lives to mini eggs especially around Easter times. X
OK, I mean I can't find anything but an anonymous post on a forum that confirms that. But, I can see how that would happen.

What measures do you feel you can realistically put in place?

TrashKitten10 · 03/07/2021 17:30

Difficult situation. I think you're right and although at 5 I'd be wanting a NT child to learn how to manage more risky foods as they are at the age when they are likely to start encountering things like lollipops, it's different if your child is working at a younger developmental age and their understanding and ability to understand risks isn't there yet.

What you can do about it though I don't know. Are you on good terms with any of his family members who could repeat what you are saying? He's clearly not wanting to be told by you how to parent his own children and although gum and lollies for young children isn't ideal, it doesn't present such an immediate safeguarding risk that you could take extreme action like trying to stop him seeing them unsupervised. I hope you manage to reach a resolution tigethet

BlueSurfer · 03/07/2021 17:31

I agree with you completely but, assuming their dad has parental responsibility, when in their care, he can look after them and feed them as he sees fit.

NakedAttraction · 03/07/2021 17:31

There is absolutely no reason at all for any child of 5 to have chewing gum.

NakedAttraction · 03/07/2021 17:32

And I agree on the mini eggs. I can’t understand why there’s so much focus on cutting grapes but it’s perfectly fine to give a child something solid and shaped the same without thinking about it.

Sirzy · 03/07/2021 17:32

Chewing gum and fully agree on.

The lollipop and mini eggs I would be ok with sat down and supervised. But from what your saying that’s unlikely to be the case

AlternativePerspective · 03/07/2021 17:35

A child choked to death on a mini egg children are killed in road accidents on a daily basis. Fall downstairs, are hit by cars. one child choking to death on a mini egg is not in itself a valid reason to ban children from having them.

That being said, if the child does not understand not to bite a lollipop off of a stick etc then it’s understandable that OP doesn’t want them to have these things.

Chewing gum is revolting regardless of the child’s age, and I’m not sure I ever personally gave any of it to my own DC.

TBH though OP, it’s very difficult to dictate to the other parent what they can or can’t give their child. All you can do is reiterate your concerns. Unless your child has a history of choking on these things it’s unlikely that you would be taken seriously by the professionals either.

So while I understand that it’s frustrating, I think that you’re unfortunately just going to have to suck it up this time.

Cheeseandlobster · 03/07/2021 17:35

You are not being too precious. Why on earth would you risk it? Stick to your guns op. I used to have the same battles with exdp when ds was smaller and was told I was being ridiculous but I stand by this even years later. There are lots of other treats to have

Totallydefeated · 03/07/2021 17:36

You’re not being precious at all. It’s a clear risk with a high cost if your son does choke. It’s fairly easy to mitigate but your ex is choosing not to.

There are literally hundreds of sweets he could give him that are low risk for choking, but instead he’s homing in on the handful that are high risk and insisting on giving them. Why? Because he’s making a point to you that you don’t tell him what to do. You don’t control him. It’s all driven by his ego. And his ego is greater than his love for his child, unfortunately.

It’s a tricky one, because thick twats like this are hard to get through to, as the ego thing makes it hard for him to see sense. He’ll see it as backing down or giving in to you instead of doing the right thing for his son’s welfare.

How would it go down to chat it through with your son’s GP or consultant and see if they can provide a written recommendation for him? Or would a friend be able to make him see sense? The only other thing is to withhold contact on safety grounds but that will kick off a whole train of events and ramifications.

girlmom21 · 03/07/2021 17:40

My 2 year old has had mini eggs and lollipops and coped with them perfectly fine. I think you're overreacting. You also don't get to tell him how to parent during his time with DS.

I don't understand why he has chewing gum though.

mn2022 · 03/07/2021 17:41

I think you are being precious but I also understand why

Ericaequites · 03/07/2021 17:42

No one ever needs chewing gum. It’s unattractive, and ends up everything.

Mayaspecialist · 03/07/2021 17:44

Just on the child chocking death or multiple children chocking to death on mini eggs.

It was one story, that isn't verified. That was posted anonymously.

While they may sto be a risk for small children, there's no real evidence they kill children every year.

I don't think op is being precious. But that statement doesn't appear to be true.

Cleverpolly3 · 03/07/2021 17:45

@AlternativePerspective

A child choked to death on a mini egg children are killed in road accidents on a daily basis. Fall downstairs, are hit by cars. one child choking to death on a mini egg is not in itself a valid reason to ban children from having them.

That being said, if the child does not understand not to bite a lollipop off of a stick etc then it’s understandable that OP doesn’t want them to have these things.

Chewing gum is revolting regardless of the child’s age, and I’m not sure I ever personally gave any of it to my own DC.

TBH though OP, it’s very difficult to dictate to the other parent what they can or can’t give their child. All you can do is reiterate your concerns. Unless your child has a history of choking on these things it’s unlikely that you would be taken seriously by the professionals either.

So while I understand that it’s frustrating, I think that you’re unfortunately just going to have to suck it up this time.

That’s a stupid analogy If you know a child has died eating sweets shaped like a grape you can chose to avoid them

Falling down the stairs, being hit by a car and other scenarios based in other factors abs other individuals’ behaviours are not comparable

Add into the equation the child in question on this thread plus the fact that the eggs themselves have a clear warning on them now it’s not difficult to see why the OP is concerned

TrashKitten10 · 03/07/2021 17:47

@girlmom21

My 2 year old has had mini eggs and lollipops and coped with them perfectly fine. I think you're overreacting. You also don't get to tell him how to parent during his time with DS.

I don't understand why he has chewing gum though.

You child thankfully not choking doesn't mean it's okay. Mini eggs advise on the packet they're not to be given to under 4s due to being a choke hazard. Many people will choose to ignore that but we shouldn't imply something is fine and safe just because we haven't personally encountered a bad situation.
Cleverpolly3 · 03/07/2021 17:48

It’s always OK and fine until it isn’t

Personally where I can heed warnings especially about something so non essential such as sweets that I give to my children I will do

User5827372728 · 03/07/2021 17:49

I totally agree with you OP.

There’s absolutely no need for a 5 year old to have a lolly pop or chewing gum.

Around every Easter I email my kids nursery saying they are not to have any mini eggs- they are the same shape as grapes and rock solid.
Why risk it when they can have someone else which is far less dangerous?

RedHelenB · 03/07/2021 17:50

I think yabu. A two year old can eat a lollipop or mini eggs. Are you saying your child doesn't chew at all and just swallows their food?

User5827372728 · 03/07/2021 17:50

@girlmom21

Why is a 2 year old having a lolly pop? Very dangerous and terrible for teeth