Am I being too precious or does he need educating?! Kids food safety

[Wingingitmum21]

DC is 5, but has a condition/disorder so is developmentally/mentally delayed and does not think or behave in the way that a 5 year old is expected.

I don’t allow DC to have chewing gum (wouldn’t know to chew it and not swallow, big risk of swallowing it and potentially choking), lollipops (if the end came off DC wouldn’t know to break it and would swallow it and would get lodged in throat) and my main peeve especially is mini eggs as I think they are a massive choking risk for children anyway regardless of age and ability.

The last few times DC has come home from seeing their dad they’ve had packs of chewing gum and lollipops and they’ve just come home with mini eggs from the ice cream shop despite me telling dad that DC isn’t allowed things like this because I don’t want to risk them choking until they understand how to eat safely etc.

Dad just says I’m being too precious and all children should be allowed these things but his irresponsibility is really starting to bug me now and it’s making me not want to leave him alone with DC unsupervised incase DC ends up potentially choking on something because dad keeps giving these hazards and would probably fail to cut food appropriately too (grapes, etc), and I’m more worried because DC doesn’t eat like other children their age because of delay.

Am I being too precious or do I need to start putting measures in place so that DC is safe?

As the parent of a child with a developmental delay and unsafe swallow, I think YANBU. My
DD is 7 and I wouldn’t want her to have chewing gum or eat mini eggs or lollies unsupervised.

No need for any child to have chewing gum - my 7yo has never had it and my 9yo only rarely - it’s not even nice! I’m also wary of lollies and they can only have them sitting down when I’m there. I know this is a bit protective (and generally I am quite laid back) but they’re blatently risky things you can very easily mitigate the risk of so why not?

I think you need to put so perspective on it. Many children and adults die in car accidents every year but we still quite happily use them daily, dispite the risk.
Obviously you should reduce the choking risk to your DC but you will not be able to eliminate it, you can choke on any food of sufficient size.

Nope. My NT 6 year old has never had a lolly nor mini eggs nor chewing gum.
My DM gave DD a polo mint once and I freaked (she crunched it up so it ended up fine but for a few seconds of fear).

I'm wonder if it would be worth you asking your GP to refer you to a speech and language therapist. They can assess your child's swallowing and advise you on safe foods and textures for them. Then your child's father might be more incline to give them what they can safely manage

And it could put your mind at ease as well, OP

I agree with you I'm SO anxious about this happening. My DS is 20 months and my mum and partner constantly give food that's not suitable, even when I've asked them not to. YANBU

Is your ex doing this deliberately to piss you off? I wonder if you need to say nothing to him and make a record of it.

Horrid of him to risk your DC to make a point

I think YANBU but I'm not sure you are going to win this argument. He will probably give him whatever under his supervision to keep control.
I'm probably a bit less risk averse to foods but no way would my 4yo have chewing gum. I would now give a lollipop rarely and he licks it for 5 minutes then gets bored. I am however incredibly strict that the children are seated and upright when eating anything (usually at the table). It makes me really anxious when I see young kids walking about with lollipops/grapes.

I wouldn't allow my dc to have lollipops at that age. I know a child who choked when the lolly came off the stick, nearly died. It's not worth the risk.

I don’t think you’re being precious at all. There are so many sweet treats that your DC could have that do not include chewing gum, lollipops or mini eggs, it sounds like his dad is just buying these things to wind you up. Loads of kids aren’t allowed chewing gum, nor lollipops as they are really bad for their teeth. The mini eggs are specific to your child’s situation, so his dad could just offer something else.

[quote User5827372728]@girlmom21

Why is a 2 year old having a lolly pop? Very dangerous and terrible for teeth[/quote]
Her diet doesn't consist of lollipops. I think she's had one mini chupa chup in her life. Don't worry.

Not being precious it even has a warning age on the mini eggs packet! Given your son has developmental issues I would be clear that his Dad needs to follow stuff for a 2 year old not based on his age!

I just don't see how it's worth the risk? My 6 year old has never had chewing/bubble gum. He has had lollies but only when sitting and not when walking/running and has never had a mini egg. Yeah he could get him hit by a car but I don't let him play in traffic either 🤷. YANBU.

Op I agree with pp. If you think his care of them is bordering on endangerment or neglect you need to do things formally

I’m with you. I have never given my DD lollipops or chewing gum and she has no developmental delay. She hasn’t asked for mini eggs but even though she is 11, if I give her large grapes in her school lunch box I sometimes still cut them up (saying they fit better on the pot) orI would remind her to bite them in half.

In my opinion, as they are such an unnecessary “food”, it’s not worth the risk.

I think I would plea to his better nature (if he has one) and politely ask that he doesn’t give these things. Perhaps suggest some other things your child prefers and ham it up that they “really love” those things (thereby thinking he would be great Dad to get them).

@Mayaspecialist

Just on the child chocking death or multiple children chocking to death on mini eggs.

It was one story, that isn't verified. That was posted anonymously.

While they may sto be a risk for small children, there's no real evidence they kill children every year.

I don't think op is being precious. But that statement doesn't appear to be true.

It was widely reported at the time (2019) but it’s a bit odd to base decisions for other children on one isolated incident. Perhaps loosen up as long as he’s supervised, OP?

Not precious. I won't give my son lollipops simply because of the teeth issue (and the fact that kids running around the playground with them stuck in their mouths is an accident waiting to happen) and there is no need for chewing gum. School insists grapes are sliced in half for the youngest children too.

A child choked to death on a mini egg children are killed in road accidents on a daily basis. Fall downstairs, are hit by cars. one child choking to death on a mini egg is not in itself a valid reason to ban children from having them.

Thankfully, children are not killed in road accidents on a daily basis but, even so, we need road transport to get us about. We also need stairs unless we are all to live in bungalows and all taller buildings are to be demolished. OTOH, no child needs to eat a Cadbury’s mini egg.

I saw a toddler choke to death when I was a child and tbh I have never got over it. I have a good friend who saw a classmate choke to death ( aged 6) at school and she developed an eating disorder as a result. I just cannot fathom how anybody would take an obvious risk. Your ex sounds like a really awful person OP.

It was widely reported at the time (2019) but it’s a bit odd to base decisions for other children on one isolated incident. Perhaps loosen up as long as he’s supervised, OP?

All that was reported in 2018, was that anonymous poster posted their story on a forum. There's no proof it was true.

All the reports are just referecing the anonymous post.

Again, I am not saying op is wrong to worry.

But it's not multiple children. There's not even one case confirmed.

Anyone could come here and post saying a kit kat killed their partner. Doesn't make it true.

Chewing gum is an odd one. Mine have never even asked about it and are much older.

Mini eggs & lollipops - yes, some children have died but it certainly isn't frequent and if your child didn't have additional needs I'd say 5 was perfectly acceptable to let them eat them if they understood to bite the eggs and not run with the lolly etc.

BUT you know your child so you know best. You don't feel it's an acceptable risk.

@MsFrog

I'm wonder if it would be worth you asking your GP to refer you to a speech and language therapist. They can assess your child's swallowing and advise you on safe foods and textures for them. Then your child's father might be more incline to give them what they can safely manage

I was about to suggest this. We can't advise as we don't know your child. You need a proper assessment.

Does your ex know about the kids who choke on mini eggs?

Doing first aid courses, the teacher was adamant that chewing gum shouldn't be given to kids under 8 because of the number of incidents he'd come across. Our kids have been allowed since they were 8. Mini eggs never came up tho sorry

I don't think your being to precious. I didn't allow my now 9.5 year old to have the round hard lollipops, mini eggs or chewing gum until 8 and he is a slow, careful eater due to sensory issues and autism. My neurotypical nearly 5 year old is not allowed them with the exception of cut mini eggs. They are a choking hazards for any younger child. I have heard of toddlers getting lollipop sticks stuck in there throat as they run around with them in there mouth and children have died from eating mini eggs. They are the exact size of a child's throat.