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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my sons teacher to get his name right?

169 replies

ohmyohmy123 · 03/07/2021 08:51

My son has had the same teacher for 2 consecutive years - and she still spells his name wrong. It's not just spelt incorrectly - it's a different name. He gets quite upset about it. I have pointed out the mistake multiple times but had his school report and it's typed wrong again on it.

It's not a hard name either.

He's only got another few weeks of her, should I just let it go or do I send her another email?

OP posts:
QuimKardashian · 04/07/2021 17:21

Send report back and ask for your sons one, but this is quite passive/aggressive

strawberrysweets · 04/07/2021 17:29

Teacher here.

You have told them multiple times and they are still doing it? I honestly would ring the school and ask to speak to the headteacher especially as it is upsetting your child.

Honestly just not good enough. Your post has made me really cross!

I also like the suggestion of dropping the report back to school and asking for your son's.

Trudij123 · 04/07/2021 17:38

I’d correct it and If I was in the right mood this time round I’d be copying in the headmaster and the governors as well just to be sure they were aware of exactly how many times I’d written to correct the teacher over the last two years…

simiisme · 04/07/2021 17:58

Yes, you should be upset! Speaking as a teacher, and a Mum.
My son was called 'Gabrielle,' instead of Gabriel, throughout primary by the TA in his class of 24 kids. Kind of ironic as it was a church school. After countless gentle reminders, I finally said, very firmly, 'It's Gabriel - like the angel in the nativity play that you put on every year!'
She still stumbled over the name.

StarCourt · 04/07/2021 18:27

People get my name wrong all the time. No idea why as it's a very normal easy name. But for some reason loads of people change the last letter of my name

wellstopdoingitthen · 04/07/2021 18:34

I would correct the teacher. I think it's rude to continue spelling someone's name wrong once an error has been pointed out.

Bertiebiscuit · 04/07/2021 18:37

Outrageously incompetent teacher - I would send a very angry letter or email - this shows she has not been paying proper attention to him which must have affected his learning - tbh I would also complain to the Head

tallduckandhandsome · 04/07/2021 18:39

Send a short email, no pleasantries but polite. And no end of year gift.

GuyFawkesDay · 04/07/2021 18:46

Annoys me too.
I have an Isaac.
Loads of people write is as Issac. That doesn't make sense pronunciation wise, never mind anything else. And it's not an actual name (unless you can't spell).
There's Isaac, or the more middle east variations.

Don't understand how people get it wrong.

TheRebelle · 04/07/2021 19:33

This has happened to me my whole life, I’ve got a name that if you change one letter it’s a different name, like Sophie and Sophia. I just don’t respond to the wrong name any more, it’s rude and it makes you feel like you’re not important enough for anyone to remember your actual name.

I’d definitely send an email and make it clear that it’s just not acceptable.

I used to work at an summer camps where I’d have 50 students over two week periods and it didn’t take me more than one session to remember their names.

kittymamma · 04/07/2021 19:40

I'm conflicted about this one.

My high school English teacher got my name wrong for 2 years. Like, very wrong. I tried to tell her a few times and so did others in the class but she kept doing it, so I gave up.

I teach secondary when I meet a new class I tell them, I will attempt to pronounce your name the best I can, if I get it wrong, correct me every time and after a week, I won't get it wrong again. Then I find a year 11 student 2 months in that hasn't told me the J in his name is pronounced as a Y. Or a year 7 who nodded when I asked her if I got her name right but then 3 months down the road, her parent corrects me. Or the year 10 student who I worked so hard to get it right only to learn after 9 months that wasn't her name anyway and there had been a admin error when inputting her name, she had told 1 teacher this who didn't pass it on to the Sims manager, so we had all been saying the wrong name. Also had 2 girls in 2 years groups with the same name on paper that pronounced it differently, and I learned to do that. They both corrected me until I got it right.

Point being, if it is something that bothers your son, he has to speak up every time because habits form quickly and are hard to break. I would send the email to correct the report but not any passive aggressive gifts, maybe no gift, but not a passive aggressive one. I expect this hasn't been done out of spite. I don't see the point in a formal complaint at this point as it would achieve nothing.

My daughter's name get pronounced differently depending on who reads it, she doesn't care and goes with it. If she did care, I would expect her to say something.

billy1966 · 04/07/2021 19:40

OP,
If you write to the Head Teacher with a copy to Board of Governors/Management it has to be included when the school is inspected??? Open to correction on this, but formalising your displeasure in written form ALWAYS goes further IMO.

As for giving the teacher a gift? Not a chance.

MrsToothyBitch · 04/07/2021 19:45

That would annoy me no end. I'd email asking for the correct report with the head cc'd in and governors cc'd in and mention how many messages I had sent previously along this line. A nice picture with red penning as proof wouldn't go amiss, either.

I have a normal enough name that sounds similar to and is often misheard as a couple of other similar sounding names- think Rochelle or Raquel or even Danielle when I'm a Rachel. My French mistress at primary school was a serial offender in class with one of the wrong names but she always apologised or was reminded by my classmates and my reports were always correct. So no grudge held. I still see her at the country club & she bloody well knows it now!

Lancrelady80 · 04/07/2021 19:46

I'm another Sophie/Sophia type name. But I've given in to the inevitable Sophie and just growl inside my head every time someone does this.

Teacher here too, and can't believe how shoddily your poor child has been treated. Such a large chunk of teaching is to do with respect and relationships- consistently calling someone by the wrong name, esp after being corrected, sends a very strong message about exactly how unconcerned you are about the child. Not caring enough to get a name right after multiple reminders is terrible. Absolutely bloody appalling. Complain to head and governors on behalf of your child and all the children who will be passing through that class in the future. They deserve a teacher who cares, and that teacher needs to realise she is being incredibly disrespectful to both the child and the parents who named them that.

The op getting annoyed about he/her in reports...that's copy and paste error rather than anything else, so I wouldn't get too het up about that. Should have been picked up by proof-reading but things tend to blur after the 250th report! I'd just have a little chuckle to myself about how knackered that poor teacher must be to have let that slip through the net.

ChateauMargaux · 04/07/2021 19:49

Forward the report (if electronic) to her line manager eg if there is a head of KS2 or the Head Teacher and say, this is awkward but I have asked Mrs Sommerset on many occasions to correct Rupert's name. This is his end of year report and one that I would like to keep for him. It upsets Rupert when Mrs S gets his name wrong and I have asked her repeatedly to correct it. I would really appreciate if you could gently point out to Mrs S that it is important, especially in formal reports, but also in daily interactions with children that she gets their name right. Occasional lapses of memory and mistakes are human nature but to persistently get his name wrong over two years and to get it wrong in the end of year report is unacceptable.

Chocolatehamper · 04/07/2021 19:51

@WhenSheWasBad

Is say let it go in secondary school. Teachers have hundreds of kids names to remember and it is really tricky.

I have two utterly wonder girls in one of my classes and I still get them mixed up. They always get an apology and luckily for me are very forgiving.

Still no excuse! You might not have them all day, but those children are still in secondary school for at least 5 years, upto 7 if you have Sixth Form.

You say they're forgiving but what really can they do? They can't give you a bollocking for constantly mixing them up, can they? It's not you who would get a demerit/detention/expulsion is it?

Get a grip and learn their names!

OldChinaJug · 04/07/2021 20:07

I'm a teacher and I agree with sending the report back directly to.the.head teacher explaining the issue.

I have several children in my class with long, non English names and I check every single one of them every time i type/write it to check I've got the spelling correct. It's just not acceptable to get a child's name wrong.

waitingvpatiently · 04/07/2021 20:16

I'd go mad!

jwpetal · 04/07/2021 20:37

I would ask for a call from her to discuss. I would say this is passive aggressive. No adult would talke the wrong name. Nor should your child. Stand up fir your child. Why should he answer to a name that is not his name. What message does that give to him?

MuddlingMackem · 04/07/2021 20:56

YADNBU.

I had to write to my children's primary when the teachers getting my DD's name wrong started to upset her. I'd mentioned it on previous occasions but she wasn't bothered so I didn't push it, but as soon as it began to upset her I acted.

They would either misspell or use only the first part of a two part name.

I did point out in the letter, as an OP mentioned, that she wasn't in a position to be able to correct them, so they needed to make the effort, so I think, OP, that you need to point this out to them too.

Ginger1982 · 04/07/2021 21:30

Call the school and say you want to speak to the headteacher.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 04/07/2021 21:38

I’m sure it’s not deliberate, just be polite and let the teacher know. There is no need to get upset about it. People get my name wrong all the time….. but a rose is a rose by any other name.

LovePoppy · 04/07/2021 22:03

@Thevoiceofreason2021

I’m sure it’s not deliberate, just be polite and let the teacher know. There is no need to get upset about it. People get my name wrong all the time….. but a rose is a rose by any other name.
After two years and many reminders?

No, it’s plain laziness

Vixyboo · 04/07/2021 22:06

@bonfireheart

Send DC in with a name badge.
This wins
billy1966 · 04/07/2021 22:17

@bonfireheart

Send him in with a name badge.

Truly excellent suggestion.

Photograph it and attach it to the letter to the HT.

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