To ask did you sleep train your child(ren)

[Tucancrossing]

I'm not posting this to start a debate about sleep training, although I'm sure it will kick off anyway. But I'm genuinely interested to know roughly what proportion of parents sleep train. By sleep train I mean any method that involves baby crying for any length of time, or leaving baby in cot for any length of time unhappily (including 'gentler' methods such as pick up put down). I had a discussion with a mum friend and we had very different estimations of how common it is.

Never - mine were cuddled/breastfed to sleep until they were ready to sleep by themselves at around 5/6/7 coslept until they wanted to sleep alone. Only one so far & she was 11 when she moved out.

I am a horrible sleeper & they got my sleep genes so were horrible sleepers/very frequent wakers - only one slept through aged 2 the others were older than 3.
However bed/bedtime is a happy easy time in our house & on the very rare occasions they needs more sleep they happily go to bed earlier (I hugely struggle with this still as an adult) so it worked for us

(My MIL refers to DH as her bad sleeper because he didn't sleep though until 2 WEEKS old - SIL slept through from the first night home apparently )

No. And not because they were good sleepers, they weren't.

2 & 4 here and still don't reliably sleep through. At her worst (around a year old) my youngest was either waking 5-15 times a night, or more like 3 but with one wake up being 3 hours long. I was long back working, and was exhausted. I wouldn't have ever sleep trained though as I find it cruel, and I want them to be sure that it'll be there for them 24 hours a day

I did it - I live in a different country and everyone does it. I didn't even realize it was controversial until I came on Mumsnet.

DS was a good sleeper anyway though, and I got a little night time routine gong from 12 weeks, so we just did a few days of CC and that was it.

@allfurcoatnoknickers

I did it - I live in a different country and everyone does it. I didn't even realize it was controversial until I came on Mumsnet.

DS was a good sleeper anyway though, and I got a little night time routine gong from 12 weeks, so we just did a few days of CC and that was it.

I'm in the UK and pretty much everyone I know did some sort of sleep training unless they had naturally good sleepers. Having your primary school aged children in bed with you or waking up every night is something I've barely heard of outside of MN.

For those who cosleep, or did, can I ask - do/did you go to bed at the same time as DC?

Yes, we go to bed at the same time as the dc. H has just taken dd(4) up and will just go with her and I will take the boys (8&6) up at 9.30 with lights out at 9.45pm and hope they will be asleep at 10. But it’s often 10.30-11 (and would be later for ds1). They’ve always been night owls and nothing we do changes it. They just need way less sleep. I would always put them to nap in the bed though too. None of them fell out once - it’s a super king so it would take a lot of rolling and none of them really ever moved much.

It definitely has its draw backs in I never get child free evenings but it has its benefits too. I love cuddling them and actually laying next to them is often the best part of the day. I don’t think I could have slept without them when they were babies.

Yes, best thing we did. We were all much happier because of it including our son. He is now 21 months and a fantastic sleeper, until the sleep training it was utter hell.

Ds- was sleep trained. He slept pretty much when the book said and ate when it said as his natural rhythm.
Dd- figured I would do the same. It did not work for her, she never peaked then settled. She needed much more physical reassurances. She is a very different kid in all respects.

Yes, I sleep trained but didn't leave either of them crying. I never got them out of the cot unless to feed. Normally just found the dummy and gave it them and they went off again. The only time I remember a few bad nights was when teething kicked off.

Yes. Turned out that letting ds self settle was a 15 minute job or it was 2 hours of me faffing over him with gentle methods. I was at my wits end. All my friends were against cry it out. I probably wasted 2 or 3 months rather than getting him to self settle sooner.

Ds2 just got left to it. Soon got the message.

It's about listening to see if they are getting worked up or just grumbling. Grumbling = sleep soon. Worked up = need to intervene and comfort (aka boob / change/ if desperate run them round in pram!)

I have 2 friends with much younger dc and evening zoom calls are interrupted by having to see to dc then cut short by 10pm child related fire drills. They both go in and comfort them so much. It seems crazy to me. So much nicer for child to get decent nights sleep and parents to get time off. But the dc are 3 and 18mo so it's already a bad habit. I keep my peace, they can work it out for themselves.

No. Never would. I made him, I tend to his needs. He sleeps in the cot next to me and if he's having a bad night he comes in with me. And he isn't an easy sleeper either, the first part of his little life he had severe reflux and CMPA. But I still wouldn't do it. My sleep is not more important than his. Boob in his mouth and he's on his way to being calm - far nicer for both of us than any training regime.

My sleep is more important than anyones!

But the dc are 3 and 18mo so it's already a bad habit. I keep my peace, they can work it out for themselves.

Or maybe your methods don’t work for them? Maybe they have worked it out for themselves? Some kids just grumble if left, some kids get themselves into a right state so need intervention earlier rather than wait till it gets to that point.

Sleep training never worked for us because you are meant to start with a happy sleepy baby. Mine were never that. Mine weren’t tired and they were already hysterical screaming and often vomiting by the time I’d put them in the cot. It was genuine distress before I’d even left the room. There was not the required starting point. We hired sleep consultants and couldn’t make it work because their advice assumed a level of contentment mine just didn’t have.

In fairness yours are pretty extreme mrsk. Extreme is probably not quite the right word but you know what I mean. I hope!

Yes, I had to sleep train my first as she was waking hourly and I was exhausted.

With my second, she was an amazing sleeper from the start and never needed it.

@Dollywilde we go to bed at the same time as our 18m old son, he goes to bed around 8 or 8.30 and then sleeps until anywhere between 6 and 8, but usually 7.30. My husband gets up very early to cycle and/or work so this suits him well. I like to lie in bed and watch TV/ browse on my phone then go to sleep later. we did this pre baby and now its just the same except I'm in a floor bed with the toddler and my husband is in our room. so I can get up and leave my son if I want to, as the room is fairly toddler proofed, but I dont usually.

Tried with my son but didn’t stick at it and gave up. He is now an awful sleeper. Tried it with daughter at 7 months, stuck at it and she went from waking every hour to sleeping through. She is now a great sleeper. I do wonder if by not sticking to it with our son, we contributed to his sleep issues now.

No, I didn't. DD was a terrible sleeper so we ended up co-sleeping for a few years, until she felt ready to move into her room. She's now a teenager. I'm so glad that we did it the way we did, it felt right.

Yes, at 7 months, because I was going out of my mind.

We used a professional sleep consultant and did gentle controlled crying. It worked in 3 nights. I would recommend it- but get a proper plan, speak to a consultant and follow the plan.

I did CIO at 12 weeks with both children. It took 3 days for each of them to settle into a 7pm to 6.30 or 7am sleeping pattern going to sleep with usually no crying and with a dreamfeed at 10pm. Felt bad about the crying for the first 3 days (it felt cruel) but 100% would do it again.

Did anyone else only need to do this for naps?

DS is fantastic at nighttime, sleeps in his cot right through on his own but will not nap in the day unless he's on me.

My DD was always a good sleeper, but DS was waking about 10 times in the night!! I tried letting him cry it out once, and it was horrible. I vowed not to do it again.

I had to buy a crib that attaches to the bed - I think he just wanted the reassurance that I was there.

When I weaned him, he got much better - and now he’s a great sleeper at age 2. Due to impending building work, he still sleeps in our room!! But I actually think this has helped him. He just needs lots of reassurance and cuddles. He’s an absolute joy - very affectionate and rarely tantrums.

And he still snuggles up to me like he is still in my tummy!! And his sleeping position in the cot it’s similar, all curled up and he pushes himself right into a corner…

Yes I did - it was that or have a breakdown. Never regretted it for a minute and it was in no way ‘cruel’.

Ha @midsummerflowers I’d say extreme is a perfect word for them! They most certainly are not ‘the norm’ and I’d not compare them to others because of that. However ime of other people as well as us is that everyone finds a balance which works for them - even if they acknowledge it’s not great, it’s usually still better than the alternative to them for whatever reason.

I think sleep training is great, I just don’t think it’s for everyone.

I think it depended on why they were awake. If it was just being a little toddler git, then I used to ignore them, if it was because they were cutting molars then I’d let them sleep with me.

Invariably you get to understand your own child’s behaviour and I don’t understand the obsession of having an either or approach.