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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask did you sleep train your child(ren)

107 replies

Tucancrossing · 01/07/2021 15:16

I'm not posting this to start a debate about sleep training, although I'm sure it will kick off anyway. But I'm genuinely interested to know roughly what proportion of parents sleep train. By sleep train I mean any method that involves baby crying for any length of time, or leaving baby in cot for any length of time unhappily (including 'gentler' methods such as pick up put down). I had a discussion with a mum friend and we had very different estimations of how common it is.

OP posts:

Dollywilde · 01/07/2021 17:22

[quote Fernando072020]@Dollywilde before my son was 6 months old, I went to bed with him. It was hard at times cause he went through a phase of going down at 6pm so husband would bring me my dinner in bed and I'd watch some TV with headphones. This was due to SIDS risks. At around 8 months old, we got a floor bed and I now just lie down with him to put him to sleep, takes no longer than 20 minutes and then I'm back out of bed again to spend the evening with DH with the video monitor on. Sometimes I have to go back to resettle which takes 5 minutes, sometimes he carries on sleeping. I just climb back into bed with him later.[/quote]
Ahh that makes sense! Didn’t think about floor beds.

Dollywilde · 01/07/2021 17:24

@Maggiesfarm

Dollywilde For those who cosleep, or did, can I ask - do/did you go to bed at the same time as DC? ..... No, we kept them downstairs with us and carried up, asleep, when we went to bed.

May I ask to what age? Genuinely just interested, I can’t imagine getting my fractious toddler to sleep in the living room with us. It’s hard enough with a dark quiet room!!

Sally872 · 01/07/2021 17:24

Yes with my first. Was screaming for 45 minutes as I tried to sooth her anyway so sleep training was actually less crying.

First night in every 2 minutes, night night time for sleep and out again. Had to time it because it felt like 20 mins. But within 10 minutes they were asleep. 2nd then 3rd night were better. 4th night went to bed and went to sleep herself. Was honestly less traumatic than the 45 minutes of her being hysterical and full of rage as I tried to comfort her.

Second child I don't remember needing to do it we were lucky that time.

Kneel · 01/07/2021 17:26

No.

I coslept with both. Eldest happily went to his own bed at about 2 with the occasional sneak backs until he was 4. Youngest coslept until he was mumble mumble 13.5 mumble cough.

It was just me in the bed (never share with DH because nighttime DH is the worst) so it was a pleasant experience rather than trying to fit the whole family into a double!

InDubiousBattle · 01/07/2021 17:27

Yes, sleep trained our first and it worked a treat, didn't need to with our second.

Saynotopineappleonpizza2021 · 01/07/2021 17:27

@Dollywilde we cosleep, snuggle him to sleep at 13m then ninja roll away. Set up the video monitor and have my evening

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 01/07/2021 17:32

No, but we enforced a routine early on, bath, story, snuggles, bed. Although, to be fair he's almost 2 and probably only 3 nights a week he goes into his cot awake...

We've put him to bed in tears and just sat quietly with him a handful of times. I hated it and dh was uncomfortable leaving him upset so we ended up getting him out and cuddling to calm before returning him to his cot either awake or asleep

Dollywilde · 01/07/2021 17:33

[quote Saynotopineappleonpizza2021]@Dollywilde we cosleep, snuggle him to sleep at 13m then ninja roll away. Set up the video monitor and have my evening[/quote]
Ah fair enough! Do you not worry about him rolling out? DD is close in age and is so wriggly when she sleeps (often back and forth across her cot over the course of a night) so I’d be terrified!

@Kneel no judgment here just FYI. Don’t know how old your DS is but my 35 year old DH was in with his mum until a similar age (divorce, just the two of them so why not) and he’s perfectly well adjusted and has a lovely, normal relationship with his parents (and me as his wife and bedsharer!) so the stuff some people say about extended bed sharing is IMO rubbish. It wouldn’t have worked for me or my DD but i think this is another perfect example of the old trope that all kids are different

floatingboater · 01/07/2021 17:36

He sleeps with me, husband in a diff room. It won't last forever

No, but it might last ten years 😂

Kneel · 01/07/2021 17:39

Thank you, @Dollywilde
I almost always get the side-eye when I mention co-sleeping with my youngest for so long so it's nice to have such a positive comment.

HopingForABetterYear · 01/07/2021 17:40

YABU. I did CC but instead of drawing out the time, I went in every two minutes.

Saynotopineappleonpizza2021 · 01/07/2021 17:43

@Dollywilde his cot is attached like a huge next to me so he is in that. I then put all the pillows on the floor just in case so even if he fell he would be cross but fine

midsummerflowers · 01/07/2021 17:45

I agree the pushing of co sleeping gets tedious. I’ve no objection to it as a suggestion but it isn’t the automatic answer to sleep problems, any more than slings are to newborn problems.

I’m not totally anti sleep training but I do think some people start it way too early. I also don’t like gro clocks much.

crochetcrazy1978 · 01/07/2021 17:45

Yes used Gina Ford with both mine which I know is a dirty word these days but by god it worked and they were both sleeping 12 hours by 3 months. Few of my friends did it too and it worked for them as well. Everyone was well rested and happier for it.

Dollywilde · 01/07/2021 17:47

[quote Saynotopineappleonpizza2021]@Dollywilde his cot is attached like a huge next to me so he is in that. I then put all the pillows on the floor just in case so even if he fell he would be cross but fine[/quote]
Ahhh, gotcha. I loved our next to me so having one that attaches like that sounds like a great set up! I was imagining baby in just a regular double.

@Kneel no probs, I’m definitely aware of some of the snippy things people say as, even having had DD in her room at 6 months, I’m slightly jealous of anyone who can get sleepy snuggles from bigger kids! I know DH felt a bit awkward about it (I remember he was mortified when I sounds out - he told me drunk in our dating days!) but honestly you’d never know to see them now. DD just isn’t a cuddly kid bless her. (DH a lovely cuddler though so if that’s the only side effect from extended cosleeping then I’m all for it!)

TeethingBabyHelp · 01/07/2021 17:49

I slept trained my little boy when he was 9
Months. It was fairly easy as he was nearly there. From about 3 months I was putting him in his Crib when he was awake for nap times so he went off to sleep like a dream always but was waking just to play in the night.
It took us 2 nights and we went in at increasing intervals. I think the longest he cried for was 4 mins and then just babbled to himself and went to sleep. It wasn't a distressed cry at any point, no tears!
I know some babies get very worked up and really upset when left so I'd have struggled to sleep train if that was the case I think.
Every baby so different. I would sleep train again if I had baby of similar temperament but I couldn't leave a baby that was properly upset

Youdiditanyway · 01/07/2021 17:56

Nope. Maybe I’ve been lucky but I’ve never felt the need to, they’ve all always been pretty good sleepers tbh bar the first 6-8 weeks.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 01/07/2021 17:58

Yes. 2 children. I did them a great kindness in encouraging them to self settle during the night. Children who have not had enough sleep are miserable.

Homemadearmy · 01/07/2021 18:02

Yes I sleep trained mine. It was just so vital for me to get my own space. I think with having a large family and breast feeding I got quite touched out. So having my own space was important

ItsAllBlahBlahBlah · 01/07/2021 18:05

Nope, my dc1 settled as soon as he stopped breastfeeding at 17mo, dc2 has just improved after stopping at almost the same age. He now goes down until about 4am where he will come in with me, purely because I cant deal with trying to settle him at that time! He will get there though and I'm not unhappy with the situation

TheFairyCaravan · 01/07/2021 18:07

Yes with DS1. He was 10 months old and DH used to walk him around until he got to sleep and whenever he woke in the night, but he had to do a spell of nights and I had a broken arm so couldn’t that.

The first night I put him in his cot awake. I went back in every 2 minutes for 20 minutes and he slept right through. After 3 nights he was going to bed awake and going into his cot in the day for naps awake too. It was the best thing we did. We were all happier because we were all getting more sleep.

With DS2 I didn’t need to.

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 01/07/2021 18:09

Yes. Best thing I ever did.

MattyGroves · 01/07/2021 18:13

@Youdiditanyway

Nope. Maybe I’ve been lucky but I’ve never felt the need to, they’ve all always been pretty good sleepers tbh bar the first 6-8 weeks.

Yes, you have been lucky. Mine woke every 1-2 hours until we sleep trained. I mention it because I do often find people who are judgemental about sleep training are often assuming it's only one or two night wakings or just taking a while to get to sleep.

My younger one didn't take a bottle and I obviously also had a toddler, I was broken by 6 months

quarantinevibess · 01/07/2021 18:13

I tried to and it didn’t work. Going in every 2/5/10 minutes makes the screaming even worse. Not going in and 30 mins later he’s still screaming. Idk how anyone manages to get the child to sleep but mine will scream until he’s blue in the face. I’ve given up. I’m just exhausted and I guess I’ve got no option but to deal with having a poor sleeper

LakeShoreD · 01/07/2021 18:18

Gina Ford here too. They were both sleeping through from around 3 months and we never had any need to sleep train.

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