To ask did you sleep train your child(ren)

[Tucancrossing]

I'm not posting this to start a debate about sleep training, although I'm sure it will kick off anyway. But I'm genuinely interested to know roughly what proportion of parents sleep train. By sleep train I mean any method that involves baby crying for any length of time, or leaving baby in cot for any length of time unhappily (including 'gentler' methods such as pick up put down). I had a discussion with a mum friend and we had very different estimations of how common it is.

No. I coslept and then we went through a period where we turned one bedroom into a giant mattress on the floor and all slept there. (For SN reasons it was the best option)

I didn't sleep train, couldn't bring myself to
Seriously considered it at times but just wasn't for us, can understand why people do

Yes both boys at about 2
Ds1 - worked. Slept like a dream ever since.
Ds2 - didn’t work(gave up after a week of misery, and tried again a few months later). He didn’t really nail the sleep thing until he was 4.

Tried various times and methods with DD1, didn't work until she was 2 and old enough to be motivated by a reward chart

Yes we sleep trained around 13 months. Wish we did it earlier. Saved my sanity and I am a much better parent for having had some time to myself in the evenings and a full night sleep. Now at nearly two she sleeps around 12 hours a night and has a 2 hour nap in the day. We used the 'fade out' method where you sit next to them in a chair and slowly move the chair further away from their cot over the course of a week or so. She is also a much happier child without being tired and grumpy all the time.

Yes. Did Gina Ford with DS. It doesn't leave them to cry, just makes nighttime boring and organised. It worked easily.

Never did with DD (she was bf) and regretted it for years.

Yes, used controlled crying from time to time and always worked in 3 days, kids slept all night 7-7

No I didn't. One slept through the night at 14 months, one reliably at just under two but was sometimes sleeping through the night before that.

Sleep is developmental just like walking or talking.

Yes - with our second. Our first seemed to get the hang of falling asleep on his own without much guidance. Our second would only go to sleep when rocked in mine or DHs arms and when she got too heavy for that to be sustainable (around 16 months) we picked a time when she was well, not teething and was having consistent day time naps and would put her down drowsy, then go on after 3, 5, 7 mins and I didn't leave it longer than 7 minutes and after 2 nights she was getting it. After the time was up I'd go in and pick her up, settle her and put her down again. You do have to give them the opportunity to go to sleep unaided surely or how will they learn?
If she wakes in the night we still settle her back to sleep though
I did co sleep when they were little

Can I ask how people approached night time sleep training if they ebf and baby use to feeding to sleep through the night?

My baby is 7 months and is used to feeding at night so don't think it would be fair to suddenly remove that, but not sure how to reduce the feeds/move to sleep training .

Yep, did with both. DS1 was an excellent sleeper, from 10 days old until about a year. A month of multiple night wakings plus marathon training and work, and we did controlled crying. Took 3 days and worked a charm.

Bizarrely I found it much harder with DS2 because DS1 would cry but angry cry because he was exhausted. He didn’t want me, didn’t want a bottle, didn’t want to sit down, stand up etc etc. So it was easier to let him angry cry and then just come in to check every few minutes.
Ds2 however just wanted a cuddle and would sob with his big giant Disney baby eyes holding his arms out.
But I was broken from night wakings by that point, doesn’t mean I didn’t stand by his closed door and bawl my eyes out.

Either way, despite using controlled crying, they’ve always gone through phases with sleep especially when moving into big beds and realizing they have freedom. And unsurprisingly DS2 is now 7 and he still, without fail, sneaks into our bed in the middle of the night. It’s a massive bed but still…

YABU. I did using the gentler method and will do it again. Not at newborn or pre 6 months though

Yep. The tiniest bit of cc with DS. 3 mins of fussing then sleep. He barely needed it really.
With DD it was never really leaving her crying in the cot as such, more gradual introduction of good sleep habits.

Now age 2 & 4 both sleep like logs, love their beds and snuggle happily down at bedtime.

Nope. No sleep training here. DD1 is 7 and sleeps through the night and has done since she was ~9m.

DD2 is 9m and we’ve done no sleep training. She wakes for milk but that’s it.

I didn't need to, I luckily got a sleeper but I'm fairly sure I would have by about 12 months.
I can cope with little sleep, I can't cope with broken sleep.

Bumbers you can try pantley pull off etc but it basically takes months to get anywhere with it.

I personally did EBF but didnt really feed to sleep past about 3 months. We just did bedtime in a different order - bath, feed, stories, songs then bed.

No I didn't sleep train any of them. DS2's a shit sleeper, but that's because of his ADHD and the meds he takes for it.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Bumbers you can try pantley pull off etc but it basically takes months to get anywhere with it.

I personally did EBF but didnt really feed to sleep past about 3 months. We just did bedtime in a different order - bath, feed, stories, songs then bed.

Thank you! At least I'm not missing anything really obvious. She settles so well feeding to sleep that it is hard to want to change that... but she dies wake up quite a lot!

Yes we sleep trained when our DS was 6 months old. Went in after a certain amount of time when he cried, rubbed his tummy (but didn't pick up)to comfort him, then if he cried again I went back in 30 seconds later than I had the first time. And so on. After 3 nights he was sleeping through the night and it was a total lifesaver. I had to go back to work when he was 7 months to a shift job and my husband was working abroad for several weeks at a time, so it was a high priority for him to sleep through so we could survive the chaos of me going back to work and being a lone parent for a few weeks at a time. He's an excellent sleeper several years later but knows he can come to us in the night if he has a nightmare or is feeling unwell.
WRT whether it's common, I think there is an even split. My best friend did it, but I know a few families who didn't. Three of the families I know who didn't sleep train really struggled with getting their kids to sleep independently, but some had no issue and didn't feel the need for sleep training. Whatever works best for your family and your own personal circumstances. For us, there was no way I could have coped with waking up through the night, working shifts and generally doing everything at home while husband was away, and I don't think controlled crying would have been as "damaging" (I don't think it is when done right but I know people disagree) as having a mother who was exhausted, stressed and unable to function.

Baby 1 - from birth
Baby 2 - 6 months (silent reflux)

Didn't sleep train my 3.5 year old DS. He was the worst sleeper I've ever come across. Used to wake every 45 mins sometimes and never self settled. Couldn't ever hear him cry though and he sleeps through most nights now, loves bedtime.

Co-sleeping with my 7 month old DD now and love it.

I'm one of these horrible smug parents who had two babies that slept through from three months old who never needed to.

Incidentally, I also slept through from very early on according to my parents. I have always needed my sleep and always gone to bed early. When pregnant I was in bed my 10pm most nights. The DC never woke me up kicking in the night, it was only ever in the day. I do think it's genetic.

Most poor sleepers I know are children of poor sleeps as well (up until 1am then don't understand why the kids don't sleep at 7pm)

My mum co slept with us and I do the same with all 3 of mine. Everyone sleeps well and it’s the only reason I have been able to carry on a full time job as my brain stops working with lack of sleep

No. I have a 2 and half year old who still needs holding for sleep, will wake up several times a night and get in bed. I find sleep training cruel personally. I couldn't put my child in a situation that causes her distress if it's completely avoidable. When she gets in my bed. She stays there. They're only little for so long, these stages don't last forever. Give them what they want and need for as long as it's required.

Hell yes. It was that or a breakdown.