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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my sister to travel to my house

75 replies

Pregnantabroad · 30/06/2021 08:09

She has an 8 month old baby and doesn't want to drive alone with her in the car in case she cries. I go to her house regularly. It's 30-40 min drive. She says I can't remember what it's like to have 1 baby (I have 4).

OP posts:
Imcatmum · 30/06/2021 08:11

You're right but she is feeling how she's feeling. First babies are anxious times.

Sirzy · 30/06/2021 08:12

She doesn’t have to travel to you BUT she can’t expect you to travel to her just because she doesn’t want to.

Can you meet somewhere in between?

Some babies just aren’t good at travelling

spotcheck · 30/06/2021 08:15

If she is going to be an anxious driver, then she really shouldn't be in the road.

Don't make this a thing

PurpleyBlue · 30/06/2021 08:17

Is it her first? If it's only 8 weeks old she might be tired and anxious generally about baby? Be kind.

PurpleyBlue · 30/06/2021 08:18

Oh 8 months. I see. Well don't push it and be kind.

BramStoker · 30/06/2021 08:18

Is there any reason why she needs to visit your house?

Its a shame she isn't confident driving that far with her baby as it will be very limiting for her but surely if you really want to see her you can meet halfway or visit her?

PurpleDaisies · 30/06/2021 08:19

She’ll get there. You putting pressure on probably won’t help.

How about meeting halfway?

gettingfedupagain · 30/06/2021 08:20

I would drive 2 hrs with my baby of a similar age. If he cried, I pulled over. Sounds like she has anxiety?

JustATypo · 30/06/2021 08:21

Are you just catching up when you go to her house? Or are you helping her with the baby? How old are your kids?

It’s a bit annoying parents of young babies thinking the world revolves around them, and I imagine as a parent of 4 you’d realise she just has to learn to get on with it and she is being a bit precious, but maybe if it’s just a catch up then catch up less.

8 month olds can be pretty hard work especially if she’s not a confident parent which she probably isn’t if she’s worrying about a baby crying on a 40 min car journey which is really a bit silly.

CupOfTPlease · 30/06/2021 08:21

If you're happy to go to her just go to her? Complete non issue being made an issue.

Getawriggleon · 30/06/2021 08:25

I've got a car seat screamer of a similar age and despite being a good and confident driver, it's really hard not to be distracted and upset by it so if she's in a similar boat I'm full of sympathy for her. Can you meet half way? Can you time visits around nap times if baby would sleep in the car (this is what I have to do)?

ittakes2 · 30/06/2021 08:29

Gosh you have 4 so you know all babies are different! I have twins and one would get car sick and vomit travelling for 10mins. My sister's baby would literally scream her head off when travelling - I would have to sit next to her and try and calm her down. She wouldn't take a dummy. It would not have been safe for my sister to drive safely with a hysterically baby screaming for long periods of time. It's likely her baby feels car sick or something.

Caspianberg · 30/06/2021 08:29

Tbf, my 1 year old was such a terrible sleeper at 8 months that he woke virtually every hour. I was surviving on about 3 hrs broken sleep every night. It wasn’t safe at all for me to be driving any distance really. I remember almost crashing the car driving 20 mins with baby to his doctors appointment as couldn’t keep my eyes open and he was screaming in the car ontop of it all.

Newkitchen123 · 30/06/2021 08:33

Does the baby have a tendency to cry in the car or is she just worried in case it happens?

RitaFires · 30/06/2021 08:34

I voted YABU but you're not being unreasonable per se but I do think your being harsh. It sounds like your sister is struggling and doesn't feel comfortable driving that particular journey with the baby at the moment. Telling her to buck up and that it's easy isn't going to help matters. She's only going to feel judged.

Macncheeseballs · 30/06/2021 08:35

It does seem a bit odd for such a short journey

Bryonyshcmyony · 30/06/2021 08:37

If she feels worried about it then don't make her do it. Maybe she feels she can't concentrate on the road properly, in which case she's being very sensible.

DeathStare · 30/06/2021 08:38

All babies are different. One of mine just screamed and screamed in the car unless there was someone sat with her. You could pull over, settle her but as soon as you set off again she just screamed and screamed again. It improved when she could talk. My other 2 were absolutely fine in the car

HerMammy · 30/06/2021 08:39

In 8 mths she has never driven with baby or only for 5/10 mins?
That seems unusually anxious, is she like this with other aspects of the baby?

Briarshollow · 30/06/2021 08:40

@PurpleyBlue

Is it her first? If it's only 8 weeks old she might be tired and anxious generally about baby? Be kind.
Yeah, it’s eight months. Eight weeks would be more understandable.

I’d be pretty short on patience by now, but I’ll admit I’m also a bit ‘robust’ about these things anyway. It didn’t bother me too much when my kid cried either. My kid has a sleep routine though and I would do journeys during that time, purely because they’re likely to fall asleep anyway.

MindyStClaire · 30/06/2021 08:41

I had one who loved the car and one who screamed every single journey. My parents are 2.5 hours away and on the way home she'd scream for the first hour, every time, until she passed out exhausted. It was hell, and it's very very hard to drive safely with that in the back, especially if you've been up during the night as well. If her baby doesn't like the car, cut her some slack.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 30/06/2021 08:41

If she is going to be an anxious driver, then she really shouldn't be in the road. Don't make this a thing

Yes, please don’t push her on this. She should decide when she feels comfortable to drive.

Onedaysomedaynowadays · 30/06/2021 08:43

It really depends on the baby. Mine loathed the car and cried solidly the whole time he was in the car seat. Luckily I live in London so have little need to drive but I did find it a bit limiting. Now he's a toddler he cries less (although still doesn't like it) but gets violently car sick so I avoid the car for other reasons!

FunMcCool · 30/06/2021 08:47

Neither are unreasonable having kids is hard no matter how many you have

JeansShirtJeansJacket · 30/06/2021 08:47

YANBU but I would worry that your sister might be having a bad time, so I wouldn't push this issue too hard. Sounds like she is struggling.

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