Nursing is Killing Me. I'm Broken and Don't Know What to Do.

[Puppiesarethebest]

Please help me. I feel at my lowest. I'm 40 years old. I've been a nurse since I left school and I don't know any other work. Our ward sister is a complete bitch to me. Has been for years but got so bad lately that my GP signed me off work sick. I can't face going back to work. I'm a nervous wreck because of her. Everyone sees what she does to me. She doesn't hide that she's singled me out for bullying but nobody does a thing. Nobody supported me when I tried to stick up for myself. She even does it in front of her own superiors and they do nothing, so she knows she's been given licence to bully me. I feel very let down by the NHS and I'm totally sick of it. My confidence is shot!. I had 5 interviews for other nurse jobs, some of them at lower levels but I didn't even get those. My confidence is shot! I don't want to be a nurse anymore EVER but what else can I do that pays as well? I'm interested in beauty therapy and childcare but both pay peanuts, don't they? I can't see myself going back, but I don't know what else I can do. Please help. Sorry, I know this is in the wrong section but I couldn't see how to post it elsewhere.

Have you thought about moving into beauty therapy but on the premium end like doing Botox or tattoo training? Like tattooing over scars and areas for cancer patient.

So sorry you're experiencing this. Sorry I don't have any good advice but didn't want to read and run. Can you transfer within your hospital?

That's great advice from PP. My mother-in-law was a nurse and trained in laser hair removal (in another European country). The fact she was a qualified nurse was seen as a big plus.

So sorry to hear this. NHS is rife with bullying, and I also see their superiors turning a blind eye. I feel it would not happen in other organisations where there is more / any transparency and accountability. I suggest keep trying for other nursing jobs in other organisations esp non - NHS ones? What about bank staff? If you really want a change, what about childminding, and then you can work for yourself. You can change what people are willing to pay in your area, you would be your own boss, it would be far lovelier than being ground down by bullying in the NHS.

Have you thought about just handing in your notice and doing bank or agency work for a bit while you consider your options? You could see if you feel better in a different environment. Some agency work pays very well.

I was thinking bank, agency or private work even if it's just for now.

If you enjoy childcare, depending on your area I’m sure some families would pay a hefty premium for a qualified nurse!

But as a PP asked, maybe an internal transfer within your workplace would be possible before leaving altogether?

I did agency work for years. Loved it and it was a great way to trial different areas, and was often offered a permanent job.

Matron at a private school? Boarding schools included!

@CookieDoughKid

Tatooing for cancer patients sounds good. I never thought about that. Thank you xxxx

Don’t let the bullying hold you back and definitely go for change - you’ll turn this into such a positive by doing so I’m sure as you have a skill that will come with you and you’ll be much better without the bully and bad environment. Seriously you’ve got this and you’ll be amazing in a new job

@sakura06

I've asked loads of time for a transfer but they keep saying that I'm needed on my ward (I work in a very specialist field).

Oh OP I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You're stuck in an awful situation - what a bitch your manager is. What the hell are her superiors playing at?

My main advice is for you to please stop and remember, that it's just this situation that has shot your confidence. Don't let her win by believing the way she's made you feel.

Excellent idea to retrain as tattoo artist or beauty therapist. Have you got a nursing specialism that you could give take in a different direction? You could look into a charity role that employs specialist nurses like Maggie's or Macmillan. Often there are more holistic roles than straightforward nursing, but where a nursing background is a major plus.

Either way - you're at the bottom and the only way is up. Cry, rage, do what you need to. Then big girl pants on get yourself into your new chapter. Much love

That's terrible. You're clearly in demand then though. You could join an agency as others have suggested, I'm sure.

Fellow nurse here. Your situation sounds absolutely dreadful. The support of your manager is so important as nursing is so demanding.

Have you spoken to HR or the RCN for advice?

You shouldn’t be forced out of nursing because of a bully. Have you considered a private company? Friends of mine work for a home IV service - they do chemo / infusions at home. Hours and pay sound great, plus they have a company car.

So sorry this is happening to you.

As a PP has suggested, my nurse friend has just moved into aesthetic treatments ie. fillers, botox etc - she seems to be doing a roaring trade.

Company mentioned above is called Healthcare at Home
hah.co.uk

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Have you considered agency nursing to get away from the bullying situation? This will give you breathing space and a better rate of pay. Have you considered going higher to make a complaint?

Agree with PPs.
Try agency work until you figure out what you want to do next. Start sending CVs out.

@RandomMess

I was thinking bank, agency or private work even if it's just for now.

Go for this for sure while you explore other options

Nursing seems to have such an issue with bullying. My mum & colleagues were bullied mercilessly towards the end of their careers when they raised concerns about patient safety. I have never seen anything like it. They raised the concerns as they knew how whistleblowers would be treated and felt it was better for them at the end of their careers to take the pressure but it was really difficult. She lost a lot of her hair through the stress it caused!!

So it really isn’t you - it’s the toxic management culture. You could try different areas of nursing - school nursing, community, practice nurse? Or as others have said high end beauty treatments or ones which are a bit more medical.

Good luck!

Come work for a hospice - we need nurses badly and we're lovely.

@canary1

Oh, I would love to be a childminder but my landlord won't let me have children in the flat. It is in my tenancy agreement, which is coming to an end soon, so I could find a flat where children are allowed. Oh, that would be so lovely! Thank you.

I think I might be inclined to tell the powers that be that unless they allow you to move away from this horrible woman, you'll walk anyway, so saying you're needed where you are is a waste of time!

Good luck with whatever you ultimately decide to do, and a HUGE thank you from me, for the care that you have given all your patients over the years. Nurses really don't get the gratitude or pay that they deserve!

I’m so sorry to hear this OP! Please do submit a complaint to the highest level - they should take this seriously. If you can’t face that then I would definitely look at getting a job elsewhere. It might seem like a huge leap but it’s really not - you’re 40 - still got time for a whole ENTIRE NEW second career, should you wish. You deserve to be fulfilled and happy. You ought to be safe at work and bullying in the workplace is a disgrace - no wonder your confidence is shot.

I’d recommend getting in touch with a recruiter and seeing what they have available. ALSO - you can earn fairly good money (or so I’m told) working as a carer - one on one in someone’s private home. This might buy you the breathing space and change of scene you need whilst you make further plans. Do also look on the careers section of the Nursing and Midwifery Council website - their careers section usually has numerous different roles available at all levels and the pay and benefits seem very good! You can always transfer into management.

Or - could you consider a role in a private hospital?

Sending you good luck and hugs