Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nursing is Killing Me. I'm Broken and Don't Know What to Do.

55 replies

Puppiesarethebest · 29/06/2021 21:50

Please help me. I feel at my lowest. I'm 40 years old. I've been a nurse since I left school and I don't know any other work. Our ward sister is a complete bitch to me. Has been for years but got so bad lately that my GP signed me off work sick. I can't face going back to work. I'm a nervous wreck because of her. Everyone sees what she does to me. She doesn't hide that she's singled me out for bullying but nobody does a thing. Nobody supported me when I tried to stick up for myself. She even does it in front of her own superiors and they do nothing, so she knows she's been given licence to bully me. I feel very let down by the NHS and I'm totally sick of it. My confidence is shot!. I had 5 interviews for other nurse jobs, some of them at lower levels but I didn't even get those. My confidence is shot! I don't want to be a nurse anymore EVER but what else can I do that pays as well? I'm interested in beauty therapy and childcare but both pay peanuts, don't they? I can't see myself going back, but I don't know what else I can do. Please help. Sorry, I know this is in the wrong section but I couldn't see how to post it elsewhere.

OP posts:
peachyandkeen · 29/06/2021 22:26

To clarify, what I mean is nurses working as carers earn considerably more than carers working as carers!

Original poster
Puppiesarethebest · 29/06/2021 22:29

Thank you all so much. I haven't been able to think clearly for a while now. It is so good to hear your suggestions. Thanks for your encouragement. xxxxxx

OP posts:
Frolie · 29/06/2021 22:33

Have you thought about moving into aesthetics? Lots of high end aesthetic clinics are desperate for nurses to work for them. They need trained nurses for IV vitamin drips, as well as aesthetics. I’ve known a few nurses who have transferred to this career and they love it!

Alternatively, how about community nurse? Or, health visitor or working as a nurse for insurance companies?

So sorry to hear what he’ll you’ve been going through. How awful. You deserve better and you deserve to feel valued. Stay strong and good luck. You’re still young with fantastic training and experience behind you and a happy future ahead of you xx

converseandjeans · 29/06/2021 22:34

Well if they need you enough to refuse to move you onto a different ward, then they clearly need your skills. Have you got the energy to go to your union and make a formal complaint?

My first Head of Dept in teaching was horrible to me and destroyed my confidence. I never complained - I have had quite a few different heads of dept since and now realise the problem was her.

Can you ask for a mentor, someone who can guide you? Offer to do some CPD etc. I don't see why you should move and not her?

I think possibly the suggestion of cosmetic work with cancer patients would be a good earner.

What about teaching nursing, not sure what they pay for that would be.

converseandjeans · 29/06/2021 22:34

Yes community nurse or health visitor would also be good jobs.

boon · 29/06/2021 22:36

A relative of mine is a community nurse and loves it. Maybe that is something you could move into?

Sportysporty · 29/06/2021 22:37

Try The Lady or an nannying agency as you could be an amazing gift as an emergency or respite nanny for a family with a child with major medical issues who need cover.

OldScrappyAndHungry · 29/06/2021 22:38

Hi @Puppiesarethebest I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I had a similar experience but as a deputy head, bullied by my head. She also did in front of others and I got no support. I was signed off work and never went back.

I’m now in a fab school and so much happier.

I hope you are successful too - it’s life changing once you know the bullying is over Flowers.

Viviennemary · 29/06/2021 22:38

You could try raising a formal grievance against her for bullying. Speak to your Union rep. If you don't want to do this I agree with doing bank work or retraining in a therapy.

Nanalisa60 · 29/06/2021 22:42

You are being bullied!! I don’t think it’s nursing that’s getting you down it’s the person who is bulling you!!

I know it’s hard and she has bin wearing you down for years, but she is bulling you because you have let her, I know it will be probably now impossible for you to change the dynamics of the relationship with this bully you are her victim and your colleagues are happy for you to be the victim because that means they are being left alone.

Could you go back, and tell her that as far as you are concerned you having nothing left to lose, that you are no longer going to be her whiping boy, and that the worm has turned and you are not putting up with it any more.

If you really don’t feel strong enough to confront her, then you must find a new job in nursing for your own mental health.

I’m so sorry you are being treated like this , you deserve better.

Orla1970 · 29/06/2021 22:49

Hi. I’m a senior manager with NHS. Please speak to your union and get support to raise this with HR. Please don’t suffer in silence. Bullying is unacceptable and we need to look after, nurture and retain our nurses. In the meantime keep a log. This will be helpful. Take care x

MeowPurrGrr · 29/06/2021 23:03

You sound exactly how I felt end of last year! I’d had enough of nursing after years of working in horrendously stressful conditions on wards then moved to another area where I suffered bullying from another nurse! Then at the start of covid was redeployed to ICU, by December I was burnt out and was signed off with awful anxiety and made the decision to hand my notice in to do agency nursing until I figured out what to do next.

Of course I should tell you to stay and report the Sister but my experience is that the NHS are appalling at supporting their own staff! So get out before it makes you iller.

I’m LOVING agency work, I’m earning stupid money, I’m way happier with much reduced anxiety (it’ll always be an issue for many reasons) and I’m picking my shifts and places where I work! This past month I had over 2 weeks off to see friends/family and enjoy hobbies and I still took home £3k (I felt I barely worked). There’s a whole other world out there and it’ll give you breathing space to decide what to do next.

Good luck

ExpulsoCorona · 29/06/2021 23:03

It's such a common story, I'm so sorry it's happening to you. Come to General Practice, we need you!

canary1 · 29/06/2021 23:16

Best of luck with whatever you decide, but hope you can see that there are loads of options for you beyond what you are doing at the moment. And you can try one for a while, and try another if you want. Nothing has to be forever. Take care xx

Stompythedinosaur · 29/06/2021 23:17

You would be paid at band 5 to train as a school nurse, sex ed nurse or health visitor, and paid at band 6 in the role.

Keep trying other jobs - your workplace sounds toxic. Other places are better.

peachyandkeen · 29/06/2021 23:25

@MeowPurrGrr

You sound exactly how I felt end of last year! I’d had enough of nursing after years of working in horrendously stressful conditions on wards then moved to another area where I suffered bullying from another nurse! Then at the start of covid was redeployed to ICU, by December I was burnt out and was signed off with awful anxiety and made the decision to hand my notice in to do agency nursing until I figured out what to do next.

Of course I should tell you to stay and report the Sister but my experience is that the NHS are appalling at supporting their own staff! So get out before it makes you iller.

I’m LOVING agency work, I’m earning stupid money, I’m way happier with much reduced anxiety (it’ll always be an issue for many reasons) and I’m picking my shifts and places where I work! This past month I had over 2 weeks off to see friends/family and enjoy hobbies and I still took home £3k (I felt I barely worked). There’s a whole other world out there and it’ll give you breathing space to decide what to do next.

Good luck

THIS! Do this OP!
tallduckandhandsome · 29/06/2021 23:53

£3k for 2 weeks of work?! No wonder the NHS is failing.

OP, so sorry about what you’re going through. Are you part of a union? Don’t give up your well paying job, take them to a tribunal.

Lupinhere37 · 30/06/2021 01:40

So sorry op, this is awful. I could have written this, as this was me. Bullying has always been rife in the NHS. I was literally bullied out of my job and didn’t have the confidence as a youngster to move to another clinical area. I left the profession which makes me really angry now, thinking about that.

If I were you, I wouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water, as you may come to regret it, as I do. Instead, remove yourself entirely from that hospital. Give yourself a clean break; so many nursing jobs out there in a variety of settings. Be brave; take a step out into something different, be it a private hospital, a hospice, general practice, occupational health. Call some agencies who specialise in healthcare recruitment and see what they advise.

But op….do this. Make the move and take a stand. Too many bullies adversely affecting the NHS. Speak to your union if you’re in one. Mine were brilliant at the time.

Vaterinadf · 30/06/2021 01:56

Have you thought about dental nursing? A relative of mine found NHS nursing horrific and it made her suicidal. After a mental health break she got a job in a dental practice and is much better off. The pay is less but still very decent and it’s a much calmer environment. There will be less of other staff and a much smaller close-knit team. I recently heard dental nurses are in demand and they are taking people without previous experience so I think you’d be able to find a job.

IceLace100 · 30/06/2021 02:52

If you leave, consider bringing a claim for constructive dismissal.

www.acas.org.uk/dismissals/constructive-dismissal

Keep a record of bullying, ie a diary recording who what where when how.

Fight back! Don't be a victim!

Wingedharpy · 30/06/2021 03:25

Could you get some support via Occupational Health Dept., with your request to move areas OP, given that the bullying you are experiencing is impacting on your own health?

I know you said that "everyone sees" what she does to you but no-one does anything but have you actually disclosed to anyone in a senior position, how her actions/words make you feel?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Rainbowsew · 30/06/2021 13:06

I know a nurse who now does the aesthetic fillers.etc...

Yes theoretically you should report the bullying formally and it should be sorted but that's a stressful route if your confidence is shot and as we all know it doesn't always get addressed.

The pp who works bank has the right idea. Work on building your confidence and self esteem through agency and you might a new area of healthcare to fall in love with or try retraining for. Your skills are valuable and wasted in your current area of the bully is grinding you down to the point you haven't confidence.

Keep going and leave that toxic environment, it will do you the world of good Flowers

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 30/06/2021 13:35

[quote Puppiesarethebest]@sakura06

I've asked loads of time for a transfer but they keep saying that I'm needed on my ward (I work in a very specialist field).[/quote]
When they say thet, you reply, "Well I'll be handing my notice in very soon then seeing I don't want to work on that ward anymore"

Sloth66 · 30/06/2021 13:48

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. I had similar, worked in a clinic with an awful bullying Band 7. Found out there had been numerous complaints over more than 5 years. She’s still in post, basically got away scott free but they cant keep staff.

You have so many options. You are a good nurse. Don’t let this pathetic awful woman drag you down. Leave, then onwards and upwards.

StarCat2020 · 30/06/2021 14:24

Could you see yourself teaching at a college, something like Health & Social Care?