For asking my adult daughter to sign a contract?

[ADHDgirl]

Just that really, she’s 18, her bf 22, her and her partner moved out a while ago and it didn’t work out in their new place so they’ve moved back in with me.

Last time I felt taken advantage of as they didn’t pay any rent or do any housework etc, so this time around my DM suggested I ask them to sign an agreement with a set rent payment and expectations/rules ( they still haven’t signed it despite them having it for 3 days ). I thought it might be a good idea, However my daughter really thinks it’s unfair and like I’m making it too formal, AIBU?

It's weird to make your own child sign a written contract. If you don't trust each other as family, maybe it's better if she lives elsewhere.

A contract won't solve the issues, I can understand you having your DD back living with you but there's absolutely no reason to allow the BF to move in with you .. you sound far too soft. I have an adult DS and no way would I enable him to live with his girlfriend in my house.

@Ragwort

A contract won't solve the issues, I can understand you having your DD back living with you but there's absolutely no reason to allow the BF to move in with you .. you sound far too soft. I have an adult DS and no way would I enable him to live with his girlfriend in my house.

I agree, Ragwort. At 18 the girl is too young for that sort of commitment anyway.

Yes, written agreement including what they need to do and your end of the bargain. I would suggest using part of the money for a cleaner as it keeps the peace!

For all those asking about her bf, he doesn’t have any family or close friends here, he’s got settled status as he’s from an EU country. I suppose sometimes I’m just to nice for my own good.

and this is your problem HOW ?

YANBU-I'd take her moaning about signing it as a sign she realizes it'll mean she can't take the piss like before.

She's too young to be living with her boyfriend, and how is it your responsibility to house him?
The whole thing about him having no family here, but having acquired settled status but he's only 22 seems a bit unusual. Is he working?

@ADHDgirl

Thanks for all your helpful comments, I mainly just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being a really unreasonable person.

For all those asking about her bf, he doesn’t have any family or close friends here, he’s got settled status as he’s from an EU country. I suppose sometimes I’m just to nice for my own good.

I guess I have to make sure the rules are clear, get a standing order set up for the rent and make sure I tell them it’s time to leave if they don’t do as they’re asked.

Plenty of people move abroad away from family! He’s 22 and needs a job and place of his own. It’s not your problem that he didn’t sort this out before moving. I think your DD is too young to live with her boyfriend. Let your DD live with you, but her bf needs to stand on his own two feet.

Where was the BF living before ? It would be better if he shared a house with people his own age. If he and your daughter fall out she has nowhere to get away from him.

How much rent was she paying when she moved out and how much are you asking for? You need to be firm or they will walk all over you

@ADHDgirl

what did you decide to do 🌸

I voted YABU because a contract between you and your own daughter...really?!?

Just tell her what you want from her otherwise she and partner are out. Make it clear, and stick to it.