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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left DD with my brother?

102 replies

matataka · 29/06/2021 18:33

I had to go to an appointment today and then I was meeting a friend. My mum was going to look after DD(1yo) but she had to cover someone at work.

No one else could have her but then my brother (15, 16 in a few weeks) offered. I didn't think it was a problem as he is mature and he has looked after her before for maybe half an hour/ an hour.

I told my friend and she told me that I shouldn't have left my DD with a boy who's a child himself and that no teenage boy wants to look after a baby.

I was gone for about 3 hours and DD was fine! He said he took her to the park and he'd fed her and when I got back she was playing.

WIBU?

OP posts:
Rosebel · 29/06/2021 22:41

It's fine. My nearly 15 year old looks after her 1 year old brother if I need to pop out. Even my 13 year old does, although usually if I'm at home but having a shower etc.
What does your friend think? That in a few weeks when your brother turns 16 it's suddenly fine and he's an adult?
Sounds like he was mature and responsible anyway.

3Britnee · 29/06/2021 23:04

@matataka

I had to go to an appointment today and then I was meeting a friend. My mum was going to look after DD(1yo) but she had to cover someone at work.

No one else could have her but then my brother (15, 16 in a few weeks) offered. I didn't think it was a problem as he is mature and he has looked after her before for maybe half an hour/ an hour.

I told my friend and she told me that I shouldn't have left my DD with a boy who's a child himself and that no teenage boy wants to look after a baby.

I was gone for about 3 hours and DD was fine! He said he took her to the park and he'd fed her and when I got back she was playing.

WIBU?

I doubt she would have said that if your brother was your sister 🙄
peaches99 · 29/06/2021 23:36

What a lovely young man………he will go far!

Rachie1973 · 29/06/2021 23:43

@ivfgottwins

YANBU to leave her with him for an appointment but YABU to meet the friend afterwards....
Crap. She knows her brother and his capabilities, perfectly alright.
Scbchl · 29/06/2021 23:44

Absolutely not being unreasonable

Wearywithteens · 29/06/2021 23:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Juliecanter · 29/06/2021 23:48

He offered.
You judged he was responsible enough.
Looking after a one year old for a few hours is not that difficult for a responsible teenager. And I agree that if he was a girl that people would think this was fine.

Onlyfoolsandfathers · 29/06/2021 23:53

It depends on the teenager. In most cases, unless you've built it into the culture for your family, no. But your brother might well be the exception, how can we tell.

Juliecanter · 29/06/2021 23:56

@Onlyfoolsandfathers you think most 15/16-year-olds are not capable of looking after a one year old for three hours?

Divebar2021 · 29/06/2021 23:57

Well apparently some 15 year olds are incapable of clearing up cat sick and it’s unreasonable to expect them to. I probably wouldn’t leave a 1 year old with a 15 year old for more than an hour and I know that Thames Valley cautioned a mother who left a 2 year old with 15 year old relative. I certainly wouldn’t leave a 13 year old to babysit as some people have said. What happened 15 or 20 years ago really isn’t that relevant nowadays. NSPCC advice is children shouldn’t babysit for children although I think looking after a 5, 6, 7 year olds is different to a baby.

Juliecanter · 29/06/2021 23:59

That police caution was stupid and made the national news.
Many 16-year olds are working at least part-time. I think it is sad how much teenagers are underestimated.

BastardMonkfish · 30/06/2021 00:02

YANBU. When I was young this would have been completely normal, aunts and uncles even young ones took an active part in looking after nieces and nephews and taking them out and about. I know my uncle certainly looked after me when he was a teenager - we had loads of fun together.

Juliecanter · 30/06/2021 00:07

You do know 16-year olds can work in nurseries under an apprenticeship and be counted in the ratios? That is far harder than just entertaining a relative for 3 hours.

Onlyfoolsandfathers · 30/06/2021 00:11

56Juliecanter

It depends. If it's a responsible sibling and that responsibility is something they've always known, probably. But I find it hard though to keep someone else's toddler alive, frankly.

If the child were to encounter an allergy, get severely sunburned, develop an allergy, meet with a hazard like an aggressive dog or a body of water, our thoughts would be all about how easy it is for a fifteen year old to lose concentration for thirty seconds when they're not used to the responsibility. It sounds like the child wasn't being cared for at home so any of these could have occurred. They probably wouldn't but we choose sitters who would know what to do if they did and who could take preventative action. Probably isn't enough for me.

HandforthParishCouncilClerk · 30/06/2021 00:12

I think that’s fine. My brother had a regular babysitting job looking after an 18mo at that age, one evening a week. As long as he knows what to do in case of an emergency it’s fine.

Onlyfoolsandfathers · 30/06/2021 00:13

And I don't agree that caring for a child in a supervised, baby proofed room with other adults on hand is anything like sole charge in the wild!

Juliecanter · 30/06/2021 00:13

@Onlyfoolsandfathers maybe this is based on our own personal experiences then? I did lots of babysitting when young and provided holiday care. I found it easy to keep young children alive, especially just one.

Onlyfoolsandfathers · 30/06/2021 00:15

I forgot choking hazards when they put every little thing in their mouths... HOW is a 15 year old supposed to be alert to such insane behaviour.

JellyTots2009 · 30/06/2021 00:16

From the age of 16 I was looking after my niece a few times a week for up to 6-7 hours a day. We were perfectly fine.
I think your friend is probably going off maybe own experiences or just her opinion but if your daughter was fine (which you say she was) then I would just let her comment go over your head.

Juliecanter · 30/06/2021 00:16

@Onlyfoolsandfathers I have worked in a nursery. Yes there is less chance of a child being harmed, but it is demanding work. Because you are not just entertaining children, but delivering an early years curriculum with all the associated paperwork.
With sole care you can feed the ducks for 30 minutes and then have a slow wander home while the toddler looks at every crack or twig along the way. It can be pretty easy.

Juliecanter · 30/06/2021 00:18

@Onlyfoolsandfathers you sound over-anxious. Of course, a 15, nearly 16 years old can be aware of choking hazards. I was raised around small children and knew much younger than 15 about choking hazards for toddlers.

NoYOUbekind · 30/06/2021 00:18

Oh for goodness sake, as the owner-operator of a DS15, we really need to stop underestimating teenagers. We're doing them no favours at all. And I completely agree she wouldn't have made this comment about a 15 year old girl!

Onlyfoolsandfathers · 30/06/2021 01:54

00:18Juliecanter

I can assure you I'm not over anxious and would probably have happily left my child with you once I knew you and we're satisfied you had experience with the surroundings and age group.

Not really the same scenario.

I agree that a meandering walk is easy. It's a bit like war though, long periods of boredom with a few seconds of skilled action required at the right moment. Personally I think you were very young to have that much sole care and I can't see how it helped you unless you were sure it was relevant to your future career. And an enormous responsibility for a teenager. I'm sure you were fine but I wouldn't actually want everyone to follow this example, for anyone's sake.

ohthatbloodycat · 30/06/2021 01:56

How lovely, and what a fantastic boy he is!

FlippertyFlip80 · 30/06/2021 14:17

My 10 year old son is brilliant with my mindees aged under 5. He knows not to let little ones out of your sight, keep an eye out for any danger (like them climbing up the back of the sofa) and is capable of making lunch. Obviously my little mindees aren't left alone with him but I think that by the time he's 15 he'll be more than capable of taking care of a one year old for a few hours.