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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was DH right in saying this?

127 replies

openseason22 · 29/06/2021 14:44

I'm just wondering what others think of this

DS 21 went out for a walk for about 30 minutes, he normally takes his phone with him when he goes out but on this occasion he left it on charge at home as he says it was nearly flat. While he was out, DH saw his phone was on charge and when DS returned DH gave him a mini lecture on how silly and potentially dangerous it was to not take his phone with him as he could have tripped and fell over and hurt himself or been attacked.

I'm just wondering whether DH was right in saying this or is he treating DS as a child.

OP posts:

PurpleyBlue · 29/06/2021 15:36

@openseason22

DS has ASD but that has no effect on him going out for a walk. Also quite recently there was a girl in her 20's who was attacked and killed about 30 minutes drive from where we live so I don't know whether that might be making DH anxious.

That might be affecting him. I'd ask him if it's linked to his anxiety tbh.

VerticalHorizon · 29/06/2021 15:37

Ludicrous.

People's phones got flat anyway, so he could easily be out without a functioning phone.

We've all learned to depend on our phones and take for granted some of the extra safety conveniences they offer, but at the end of the day, if someone can't go out for 30 minutes without a phone, then actually, you're not teaching that child to improvise, or how to get by without a phone.

It was unreasonable of DH and ultimately, doing a disservice to you DS.

Ninkanink · 29/06/2021 15:38

Omg what a numpty!! DH that is...

As pp said, does he really not remember life before mobile phones??

We all managed to grow up just fine and to develop the wit to keep ourselves safe (outside of matters outwith our control).

Does he baby his son in other ways too? He’s doing him no favours at all, tbh. Learning to manage risk is part of learning to cope well with life!

NotAllTheOnesWhoWanderAreLost · 29/06/2021 15:39

Having a phone isn’t going to make a scrap of difference if he is being attacked.

ElephantOfRisk · 29/06/2021 15:41

Your son could be living away from home and your DH would have no idea if he was in or out or had his phone or not.

My DS1 is almost 21 and goes out for a walk most days, i don't think he ever takes his phone as it weighs down his shorts. He wears shorts and tshirt for a walk all year - even in the snow...

DS2 is nearly 20, he lives away, he could be anywhere at any time.

warmandtoasty2day · 29/06/2021 15:54

my phone never leaves home and i'm out and about alot since having recently moved, too busy exploring to unpack boxes etc. Track and trace is a waste of time for me as a result.

DahliaMacNamara · 29/06/2021 15:56

I think the expectation to be constantly contactable has made us more anxious, not less, when someone goes out without their phone. DH is the same: even though he doesn't even have his own phone with him most of the time, he gets stressed if, when he finally picks it up to call twentysomething DS, he doesn't get an answer straight away.

FatCatThinCat · 29/06/2021 15:59

Your DH is weird. I rarely take my phone with me if I'm out, only if I'm expecting an important call. I'm autistic too and I can't cope with people thinking they need to be in constant contact with me.

ImpassiveVoice · 29/06/2021 16:02

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

What DID we do in the millions of years before mobile phones.

We fell down wells/ravines/holes in the ground (places where there's rubbish mobile reception anyway) and were never seen again ...

Backhills · 29/06/2021 16:03

Entirely the 21yo's decision.

I often don't take my phone with me. I figure in a real emergency I'll ask someone for help, in every other situation it can wait.

TBH I can't really imagine lecturing my 20yo over anything. I think I've done the ground work, he knows right from wrong, now it's up to him.

MargotEmin · 29/06/2021 16:07

Its really difficult one.

Its really not. Going out for a walk without your phone is a perfectly pleasant, normal adult thing to do.

Backhills · 29/06/2021 16:10

I'm never sure exactly what help a phone is supposed to be in the event of being attacked. People say a lot, but what exactly am I supposed to do with it to prevent an imminent or ongoing attack?

Mummy101275 · 29/06/2021 16:12

WHAT AN AWFUL DRAMATIC BRUTE OF A HUSBAND YOU HAVE
In all seriousness he shouldn’t be treating your son like that

BigSandyBalls2015 · 29/06/2021 16:13

I'd be thrilled if my 20 year olds left their phones at home for a walk.
Your DH is being weird.

VerticalHorizon · 29/06/2021 16:13

You can phone for help, or if you fall or witness some accident, it can be useful... but we can't (and shouldn't) depend on this.

DH is being a bit of an over protective numpty.

There's even an argument to say that carrying a phone could make you more likely to be attacked (for the phone).

Emmelina · 29/06/2021 16:15

If your son is 21, your DH should remember a time without mobile phones being mainstream and how we all survived fine without them…
He’s 21, an adult capable of driving, marrying, owning property… I’m sure he will be fine.

Zzelda · 29/06/2021 16:17

@openseason22

Having a phone wouldn't have helped in that situation.

Ponoka7 · 29/06/2021 16:19

@Shehasadiamondinthesky
"What DID we do in the millions of years before mobile phones."

We had police on the beat, public phone boxes and more of a community spirit.
Where I live there's an increase in pointless violent attacks, unusually done by teenagers. The advice would be to take a phone.

Pointless if it was out of battery, but it didn't do your DS any harm for being given the advice.

Bluntness100 · 29/06/2021 16:20

God next folks will be saying doesn’t he remember when kids worked down the mines?😂

Personally I think it’s a good idea to take a phone out with you when alone, you can put it on silent if you don’t wish to be contacted. But Emergency contact details on a phone is always good in case anything happens, and shit happens.

Anyways it’s clearly your sons decision, he’s an adult, but instead of hurling abuse at your husband and laughing at him, remember th good old eighties, like some posters ar doing, just recognise he had your sons best interests at heart.

VerticalHorizon · 29/06/2021 16:24

Course it's a 'good idea' to take it, but if it's virtually flat, it shouldn't stop you going out without it, and that's the point here. Are our lives to be dictated by the battery status of your phone?

It's a handy to have facility, it's not an absolute necessity. Nobody needs a bollocking for making a conscious decision to venture out without it.

It's also a timely reminder for many to think what WOULD you do if you didn't have your phone? - because that situation can arise in an emergency. If you just shrug your shoulders and don't know, then you've become far too dependent on it.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 29/06/2021 16:24

Was he out on an Alaskan trek or close to home surrounded by civilization? In the latter case DH is being ridiculous.

HollowTalk · 29/06/2021 16:26

tripped and fell over and hurt himself or been attacked

How often have any of those things happened to your son?

As for that poor woman, that would have happened anyway, phone or no phone.

Moonface123 · 29/06/2021 16:26

I find my phone more of an inconvenience being honest, l quite like not being bothered so it's often out of charge.
I do think your husband is over reacting but some people are extremely attached to their phones.

Etinox · 29/06/2021 16:27

@SaltAndVinegarSandwiches

Was he out on an Alaskan trek or close to home surrounded by civilization? In the latter case DH is being ridiculous.

Wolves

It’s liberating to go out without a phone. And controlling of your DH to insist he has one on him all the time.

noirchatsdeux · 29/06/2021 16:27

Bloody hell, I don't know how your husband would cope with my ex husband!

He's had a mobile since 1997 - I think since then I've spoken to him on it for the grand total of 1 hour. Even when he was a freelancer it was virtually impossible to get him on it, 99% of the time it's turned off and when it isn't he just doesn't answer it. Most of the time he doesn't even know where it is!

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